RtB 6: Shrouded by Darkness
by Erika
Summary: A mysterious and brutal attack leaves young ObiWan Kenobi's life hanging in the balance. Many questions are left unanswered. Will QuiGon Jinn ever find the truth, or will the answers he seeks remain...shrouded by darkness?
1. Prisoner 19347-21192

**_Title_:** Shrouded by Darkness

**_Author_:** Erika

**_Series: _**The story stands on its own and is completely understandable even if you haven't read the other stories in the series but it is story #6 in Rebuilding the Bond.

**_Rating_:** Mostly PG but PG13 in some parts (Obi-torture and Qui-angst)

**_Summary_:** A mysterious and brutal attack leaves young Obi-Wan Kenobi's life hanging in the balance and threatens to throw another devastating loss at his Master, Qui-Gon Jinn. Many questions are left unanswered. Who attacked the boy and how did he get in and out of the Temple unnoticed? When the Padawan finally wakes up it seems like all of his Master's questions will be answered, but why does Obi-Wan refuse to speak and what is he so afraid of? Will Qui-Gon ever find the truth, or will the answers he seeks remain…shrouded by darkness?

**_Time Frame_:** After JA8. 

**_Spoilers_:** For my other stories and for JA 

**_Category_:** AU, H/C, non-slash, POV, Obi-torture, Obi-angst, Qui-angst. Major angst!

**_Disclaimers_:** The Star Wars universe and all of its characters belong to George Lucas, I'm only borrowing them to have a little fun and I promise to return them unharmed (well, at least mostly unharmed). I'm making no money off of this and this is written for entertainment purposes only. Any characters that are not recognizable as being part of the SW universe belong to me, but you guys probably figured that out, right?

**_Feedback_:** Both positive feedback and _constructive_ criticism are greatly appreciated and will be cherished! (firedrake88@yahoo.com)

**_Archive_:** Jedi Apprentice, Early Years, Wolfie's Den, JAFD, The Guardians of Peace, The Temple Library, Telly, and anyone who has any of my other stories. Anyone else who wants this, please ask and send me a link to your site so that I can check it out =D

Things enclosed in 's are telepathic communication through the Master/Padawan bond.

Things enclosed in // //'s are //visions//

Things enclosed in / /'s are /memories/

**Shrouded By Darkness**

**_~ Part One: Prisoner 19347-21192 ~_**

**Obi-Wan:**

Journal Entry; March 6th, 0700 Hours

_          For what seems like the millionth time in my life, I don't know what to do. Before I always had someone to turn to for advice; Yoda, Bant, Cerasi, and finally Qui-Gon, but now there's no one who can help me. Qui-Gon, the person I trust the most, is the one who simply cannot know. My Master's been through so much already. He's experienced so much pain and I don't want to add to it, not now, not when we're finally getting close to each other. I know he wouldn't blame me, it's not that that I'm afraid of. I just don't want to cause him any more pain. I don't want my lips to be the ones that tell him of yet another betrayal that will scar his soul._

_I was planning to tell him, once we got closer. After we discussed our relationship and vowed to start over I thought that I finally would be able to tell him but then…then he almost died and I found out something about him that still chills me to think about. It fascinates me to think that such pure evil could spawn the goodness in Qui-Gon's soul, but now that I know it all makes sense._

_I'm stupid for not having seen it before! It was the one missing link to solving the puzzle and I had the answer in front of me for so long and didn't even realize it. I always thought that he was crazy; I never bothered to think of what it would mean if he wasn't. Maybe that's why I never saw what was right in front me. Oh well. There's no changing the past. What's done is done and there's nothing I can do now. All I can do is move on…and pray that Qui-Gon never finds out. I don't even want to think about what will happen if he realizes or if the Council decides to tell him. It would just add another scar to his tattered soul. I can't let that happen._

_What will happen if he ever does find out? The thought sends chills down my back. It would hurt him, I know it would. He's already been through so much. Would he push me away? I fear greatly that he would. I know he would. He was afraid to trust me from the beginning because of Xanatos and if he ever found out about this…it would rip away the trust and security he's managed to get back from my predecessor. I don't want him to push me away…I can't stand the thought of things being like…before. I can't lose the closeness we have, I need our friendship so badly. The thought of losing it scares me more than any amount of torture ever could. _

_Thank the Force that Yoda always advised me against telling Qui-Gon. I never understood until I was kneeling there, desperately trying to find a way to save both my father and my Master. Now that I know I'll have to remember to thank Yoda, the Force only knows how badly I would have hurt Qui-Gon if I hadn't listened…_

          I signed off of my journal and double checked the password protection device before setting the datapad under the mattress of my bed. I had always kept my journal hidden but now that I knew about Qui-Gon I couldn't risk him accidentally finding out by reading it and so I password protected it just to be safe.

            Determination surged through me and I reached out to the Force to calm myself once more. I had to do this. This was the final thing that was haunting me; this was the last thing that prevented me from having closure. Time had passed and I was strong now. I had to use that strength to throw away the last of the binds that were holding me captive. I had healed long ago and now I had to look into the face of my fears and show myself that I wasn't afraid anymore.

            I reached out to the Force and let it wash over and through me, allowing it to soothe away the last of my doubts and fears. Then I grabbed my comlink and contacted the high security prison on Perelious Prime. 

            "How may I help you?" a deep male voice reached my ears a moment later.

            "I am Benjamin Kenobi," I said in a loud clear voice, "and I wish to speak with prisoner 19347-21192."

            "Hold on a moment sir and I will connect you to his Prison Center."

            "Thank you."

            A few seconds passed and then a woman with a sharp voice and deep accent said, "This is Dala Melo, head security agent at the Methos Prison Center, how may I help you?"

            "I wish to speak with prisoner 19347-21192, please," I said almost impatiently. Qui-Gon would be up soon and I _needed_ to get this over with.

            "May I ask who's calling?"

            "Tell him that it's Benjamin Kenobi," I spoke through clenched teeth.

            "Please wait a moment while I locate him."

            The instant her voice faded from the comlink I knew something was wrong. I couldn't explain it, it wasn't a tremor in the Force, it was just a deep sick feeling in the pit of my stomach…

            "Mr. Kenobi?" the woman said, sounding rather agitated.

            "Yes?" Force, what was wrong?

            "Yesterday morning there was a...unexpected power outage and in the confusion several of the prisoners escaped. I regret to inform you that prisoner 19347-21192 was among them. Do no worry, a search has already been organized and is well under way. Four of the seven prisoners who escaped have already been recaptured and I am sure that the others will be found soon. Would you like me to contact you when the prisoner you wish to speak with has been found?"

            "N-no, th-thank you," I said shakily, cutting off the transmission before the woman could respond. Fear shot through me like lighting and my hands shook almost uncontrollably. There was no way the man would be recaptured, he was already far, far away from that planet…

TBC…


	2. Cutting Disappointment

**_~ Part Two: Cutting Disappointment ~_**

**Obi-Wan:**

          Thick beads of sweat formed on my face and rolled down my forehead to soak the tight black blindfold that covered my eyes. My heart was pounding mercilessly and my breathing was harsh and filled my ears with the sound of my failure. Each breath I took seemed smaller than the last and my lungs were burning from the lack of air. I was so exhausted that my hands were trembling around the hilt of my lightsaber and my knees were near the point of buckling.

          I was surrounded my five small probes each of which was randomly shooting blaster fire at me. My job was to block the blaster fire using my lightsaber. Usually this exercise was so simple for me that I could do it in my sleep but today I just couldn't find my center. By reaching out with the Force I could tell exactly where the small probes where located but my lack of concentration prevented me from sensing the blaster fire in time to block it. I had already been hit five times and I could feel Qui-Gon's disappointment hitting me in waves.

          As much as I wanted to impress Qui-Gon and make him proud of me I couldn't stop my mind from wondering. He had escaped from prison. What if he was on his way here? What if he wanted to see me again? Or worse, what if he wanted to see my Master? For the longest time I had thought that I had healed and moved on from what happened but now I knew that I hadn't. If I had truly healed why was I so afraid now?

          In one last desperate attempt to save this exercise and redeem myself I reached out with the Force to relocate the five small moving probes. Two of them were directly in front of me and three of them were in back of me. One of the two in front of me was about to fire. I could sense it.

          Just as the probe emitted the blaster fire pulse I leapt forward and brought my 'saber up to deflect it. A small wave of pain traveled up the tired muscles of my arms but at the sound of my 'saber making solid contact with the blaster fire I felt a tiny surge of triumph and relief wash through me. I could still do this. All I had to do was push away my fatigue and center myself in the Force. I had done this hundreds of times before.

          He had escaped from the prison yesterday morning. Perelious Prime was about a day's travel from Coruscant. He could already be on the planet… What if he tried to hurt me again? What would I do then? I could always tell the Council but how would I keep Qui-Gon from finding out? Qui-Gon couldn't find out. He couldn't. I would not hurt him for the world. He was my Master, I cared for him.

          No, I couldn't let my mind wonder. I had to reach out to the Force and release my fear and doubt into it. I couldn't let my past cloud the present and the future. Pushing my emotions into the back of my mind I concentrated on the training lesson. There would be time to deal with my anxieties later.

          Again I reached out with the Force to sense when the next probe was going to fire. Much to my dismay I found that in my few seconds of distraction one of the probes in back of me had already fired. The shot was already too close to block but I had to at least try.

          Pivoting on my right foot I turned around to try and defect the blaster fire but my few seconds of distraction had cost me and it hit me in my right shoulder, sending waves of pure agony through the already aching muscles of my arm. 

          This was a training simulation and therefore the blaster fire was at a much lower setting then it would normally be but it still hurt…a lot. I had already been hit several times and the pain from my other wounds mixed with the pain from this one to cloud my mind until I could barely control the tremors that threatened to overwhelm my body.

          Finally I could take the exhaustion no longer. My knees buckled suddenly and I hit the training mat hard. Even the soft cushioning did little to ease the pain and I had to bite my tongue to keep from crying out as the muscles in my legs contracted painfully. I heard my lightsaber hit the floor with a loud crash and in horror I realized that I had dropped it without realizing. 

          My breathing was so loud and my heartbeat so strong that I did not hear Qui-Gon approach and didn't even realize that he was kneeling next to me until I felt him gently unfasten the blindfold and pull it away from my eyes.

          I didn't want to look into my Master's eyes for fear of the disappointment I would find but I was a Jedi and I had to act like one. Slowly, timidly, I raised my gaze. Qui-Gon's face was an emotionless mask, just as always. The only indication I had that he was displeased with my performance was the slight furrow of his eyebrows and the cold acceptance in his eyes.

          "I-I'm s-sorry, M-Mas–" I started to apologize for my shameful display but Qui-Gon cut me off.

          "Where are you hit?" he asked sternly and with a hint of frustration.

          I took a few seconds to calm my breathing before I answered, "I was hit twice…in the lower back…once in my right leg, twice in my chest and once in my right shoulder," I answered, knowing that he already knew exactly where my injuries were.

          "Why were you hit so many times?" his voice was tight and I could tell he was trying to control his annoyance.

          I cringed back. There was nothing I hated more than disappointing my Master. I lived for his praise and approval just as much as I lived to one day become a Jedi Knight. "I was unfocused and lost my center, Master," I said dutifully.

          Qui-Gon nodded stiffly and reached out to unfasten my tunic, "Let me see your shoulder, Padawan," he said, his voice calm.

          Blinking back the tears of frustration and hurt I let my Master gently open my tunic and slip it off of my shoulders slightly. A second later I felt Qui-Gon's cold but tender hands examining the wound on my right shoulder. I closed my eyes and bit my tongue again so that I wouldn't make any noise as small jolts of pain traveled down my arm.

          "Your other wounds are minor," Qui-Gon started, "but your shoulder will need to be treated so that it doesn't become infected. Go to the healers. After they are done return to our quarters and take a shower. I want you to spend the rest of the day meditating." As he spoke my Master gently lifted my tunic back up over my shoulders and deftly fastened it again.

          I nodded, "M-Master," I started to apologize again but realized that Qui-Gon simply didn't want to hear any excuses when again he cut me off.

          "Obi-Wan, your performance today has been very disappointing. You were unfocused and could not find your center even from the very beginning of the training simulation. You did not perform to the best of your capabilities and I know that you can do much better than this. You have shown me your skill many times in battle. Tomorrow when we try this again and I expect you to do much better. A third year initiate could have done better than you did today." My Master's voice was low and calm but I could feel the disappointment in his gaze and through our bond. It devastated me and brought tears to my eyes; tears that I rapidly blinked back. I was a Jedi and wasn't supposed to let failure deter me but it was just so hard knowing that I had disappointed my Master.

          "Y-yes, Master," I said dismally, accepting his helping hand as I struggled to climb to my feet. As soon as I was standing on my weak and trembling legs I lowered my gaze so that I wouldn't have to see his stern face anymore.

          Usually after a training session Qui-Gon would help me clean up and we would walk back to our quarters together. Today I had disappointed him so greatly with my shameful performance that he left the training room without speaking another word.

          I swallowed hard and blinked back the tears yet again. His words had cut a whole through my heart. I felt worthless and unworthy of being his Padawan. He was right. A third year initiate could have easily done better than I had today. 

          I hated to disappoint my Master. Tomorrow I would make up for my actions and show him how capable I truly was. 

          What if he was right? What if I was as worthless as he always told me? What would Qui-Gon do if he found out? Despite the fact that he had escaped from prison I wouldn't let that stop me from living my life. I wouldn't let him control me. I was a Jedi and nothing would stop me from achieving my dream. I would continue on. There was nothing else I could do. I would remember the past and live for the present.

          "I'm sorry, Master," I spoke softly into the silence of the empty room, wishing Qui-Gon would come back in to give me one of his gentle smiles and a softly spoken, "It's all right, Padawan." 

          I looked at the door through which Qui-Gon had left. I knew he wouldn't come back. I had failed him yet again.

**Qui-Gon:**

          Leaving a very crushed Padawan behind I strode regretfully out of the training room without looking back. Obi-Wan had performed terribly today. He had been unfocused and had not been able to find his center. As much as I wanted to reassure him and tell him that everything was all right I knew that I could not. He was my Padawan Learner and I had to be very demanding with him. I could not let my personal affection for the boy get in the way of his training.

          It was a lot easier to think that than to actually do it though. He had tried very hard to focus and find his center and hadn't given up until he had fallen down. My heart wanted to let that count for something but the teacher in me knew that it could not. Obi-Wan was a Jedi who could do much better than he just had. 

          Obi-Wan's bright, tear-glazed eyes filled my mind suddenly. They had looked so sad and ashamed that their usual blue-green color had faded to do a dull grey. He had tried to blink back the tears but I knew that as soon as I had left the room he had lost his battle against them. I wanted so badly to turn around and brush away the tears my coldness had caused but I forced myself to continue walking. Yes, I had been hard on the boy but only because he needed me to be hard. I could _not_ let myself become too coddling with him.

          There would be times when I needed to be gentle with him and when it would be all right to brush away his tears and hold him in my arms. Now was not one of them. He had to be able to find his center even if something was bothering him or he was having a bad day. On a mission disaster wouldn't wait for him to focus. 

          I couldn't get the imagine of his devastated eyes out of my mind. He had felt so ashamed and unworthy. As a Jedi is supposed to do he had met my gaze but later, after my cold rebuke, he had hung his head and…

          Distracted by the sad vision of my Padawan's head bent low in shame I walked through the Temple hallways without paying attention to where I was going. Mechanically rounding a corner my silent thoughts were interrupted when I ran straight into Mace Windu.

          Surprised and slightly embarrassed I fell back a pace and tried to think of something to say. I didn't notice Yoda standing at Mace Windu's side until he spoke.

          "Humph!" he said, "watch where you are going you should," he chastised severely, "or run over someone smaller than you, you could."

          I lowered my gaze to meet Yoda's amused eyes. "I am sorry," I said with a slight inclination of my head, "I was distracted." I turned back to look at Made Windu, "I hope I did not startle you."

          Yoda answered for him. "Startle us you did not for paying attention we were. Grown to expect you to walk around in a daze we have. Unusual this is not."

          The humor in the small Master's voice did not escape me. He found this all very amusing. "I will endeavor to achieve the greatness of my seniors," I said with a small smile and a slight bow and then quickly made my way past the two Council members before they could try to stop me.

          "Impudent you always were," Yoda called after me, thumping his gimmer stick on the floor, "pick up on your impulsive traits Obi-Wan will."

          I smiled and continued to walk down the long hallway without answering him. 

          "One of these days you're going to knock over Yoda without realizing it and _then_ you'll be in trouble!" I looked up to see Tahl standing several feet ahead of me in the hallway, a hint of humor showing in her beautiful sightless eyes.

          I smiled even though I knew she couldn't see me. "I am fine Tahl, thank you for asking. How are you today?" I answered.

          "Where is Obi-Wan?" Tahl asked, ignoring my question.

          I sighed, "Obi-Wan is either still in the training room, or on his way to the healers," I said half-heartedly.

          "Oh, no. I know that voice, Qui-Gon. What happened? What did you do to the boy now?"

          I scoffed slightly, "I didn't _do_ anything to Obi-Wan. He…performed less than satisfactorily today in a training session. I was hard on him, Tahl. I know I hurt him but it was necessary. I can't coddle him and expect him to learn what he needs to know to survive as a Jedi."

          Tahl frowned and I could feel her disapproval before she spoke, "Qui-Gon," she began, "It is true that you have to be hard on him but you have to remember that he _is_ just a boy. You have to find that half-way point between hard, cold and uncaring and being too gentle with him. When you chastise him for something done badly make sure you always suggest ways to improve his performance and try _not_ to sound like you're completely disappointed in him."

          I sighed again but I knew that Tahl was right. I had to be hard on Obi-Wan but not at the expense of the boy's self esteem and our relationship. Would it really have been so hard for me to have gently asked how much pain my Padawan had been in? It wouldn't have made it seem like I wasn't disappointed in his behavior but at least he would have known I was concerned. "Sometimes I think I'll never get things right with him," I said softly.

          "Don't say that Qui-Gon. You two have a very strong bond and I know that you've grown much closer since your accidental brush with death. You just need to learn how to be stern without being too cold towards him. It's hard being a Master, but Obi-Wan is worth the effort."

          "I know he is Tahl, I know he is."

~~~~~~~~~~

          "Obi-Wan," I called out as I entered the quarters we shared. I had taken some time to talk with Tahl and to meditate on my behavior and I knew I owed the boy an apology. I was still displeased with his performance but I needed to tell him that it was all right, that one failed training session didn't mean I cared for him any less. He was a very sensitive boy and even though we had grown much closer and I had shown my trust in him by confiding my deepest sorrows, he was still so very easy to hurt. 

          "Obi-Wan?" I said again when my Padawan didn't answer. 

          I looked around the living area. Everything was exactly as Obi-Wan and I had left it earlier this morning. I frowned, that was strange.

          Unable to contain the slight seed of worry that began to grow in me I made my way to Obi-Wan's room. It was empty. Not only was Obi-Wan not here but it looked like he hadn't been here since this morning.

          I moved to check my own room but I knew he wouldn't be there and I was right. Could Obi-Wan still be at the healers? That was impossible. His injuries weren't that severe and a simple treatment of bacta would have sufficed as a remedy.

          Padawan? I reached out through our bond. Our ability to communicate with each other had grown substantially but my Padawan would still have to be reasonably close to hear me.

          I was not surprised when Obi-Wan didn't answer and immediately stretched out with the Force to touch his mind through our bond. A cold chill shot down my back. My Padawan had closed the bond at his end. I couldn't reach him. This wasn't the result of him being asleep or even unconscious; I simply could not feel him at all. Not now, anyway. I _could_ feel a residual sensation of what my Padawan's last emotions had been…

          Hurt, immense sadness, determination to improve…and…pain!

          Panic bloomed and swelled within me and my heartbeat increased before I could try to do anything to calm myself. Every cell in my body was screaming at me to run to my Padawan's rescue but my mind was telling me that I had to know where I was going before I could do anything.

          Where would Obi-Wan go if he was sad and needed to think? Force, what if something bad had happened to him? What if I couldn't find him in time? What if his injuries had somehow been worse than I thought and he had collapsed in some lonely hallway on the way to the healers? What if…

          "Stop," I said out loud. I had to control my worry long enough to figure out where my Padawan was. The longer it took for me to find him the more chances that… The more chances that what? That I would find him dead? No. No, my Padawan was not dead. There _had_ to be another explanation as to why I couldn't reach him through our bond. There had to be.

          I was so desperate to find my Padawan that for a moment no clear thought would come. I had to think, I told myself. I took several deep, calming breaths. Where would my Padawan have gone if he was troubled? The abandoned meditation garden! Of course! He had found it when he was four years old and he always went there to be alone and think. 

          I shot out of our quarters, running as fast as I safely could within the Temple. The hurt, sadness, and determination arose from what I had said to him at the end of our training session but the pain had been physical and it had been more intense than what the blaster wounds would have caused.

          Something had happened to Obi-Wan, I was sure of it.

          As I sprinted through the Temple halls, hurriedly running around amused fellow Jedi, my thoughts became a panicked jumble of questions that I couldn't stop myself from asking.

          What had happened to Obi-Wan? Why had he shut down our bond? How badly was he hurt? Why hadn't he gone to the healers? Why hadn't he called out to me for help if he was too hurt to move? Question upon question raced in my mind as I ran through the Temple.

          A surge of pure fear and worry gripped my heart, making everything around me surreal and unimportant. The Jedi I was nearly running into, the training rooms I was passing, the other gardens, were all insignificant. All that mattered was getting to Obi-Wan and making sure that we has all right.

          Finally, after it seemed like I had been running forever, I reached the small meditation garden and stopped in the doorway to look inside. 

          Obi-Wan was kneeling in front of the Merelia tree, just as the last time I had found him here, with his head bent low. His sagging shoulders and lowered head told me that he was saddened and ashamed but not that he was hurt. Could I have been so wrong about the residual emotions that I had felt through our bond? Had I panicked for nothing, just as I had done on Meredian when he had fallen asleep and come back home at midnight?

          "Obi-Wan," I said softly, slowly approaching him.

          My Padawan didn't answer.

          Worry flamed in my heart again. Something _was_ wrong. I quickly stepped forward until I was standing between the Merelia tree and my Padawan. I didn't know what I expected to see when I looked down but what I found was the most sickeningly horrible sight I had ever had the misfortune to fall upon.

TBC…


	3. Darkly Robed Man

Hi everyone, I'm here with the next part. Considering some of the e-mails I got when I posted part two on my yahoo groups, I probably shouldn't leave you with that cliffhanger too long. =D Thanks for reading!

chocky – I respond to your questions at the end of the post, okay?

**_Warning: parts of this are very graphic._**

****

            **_~ Part Three: Darkly Robed Man ~_**

****

**Qui-Gon:**

          My heart leapt into my throat and for a moment I was frozen in time and all I could do was stare at the wretched form of my precious Padawan. His face was covered in blood that dripped down from his eyes, nose, and mouth, to fall onto his clothing. The clothing itself was torn, tattered and drenched in blood. Beneath what remained of his tunic I could see cutting slashes on my Padawan's rising and falling chest and stomach. Slashes that could only have been caused by a belt or whip. The front part of the boy's sleeves had been torn off completely and his arms were covered in deep cuts and gashes. No matter where I looked my Padawan was covered in blood. His blood.

            "Padawan," I whispered, suddenly snapping out of my trance to fall to my knees in front of my poor Obi-Wan. "Oh, Padawan, what happened to you?"

            With a trembling hand I reached out to touch Obi-Wan's blood covered face. I ran my fingers down my Padawan's sticky cheek and over his mouth but the boy didn't stir. He was unconscious. 

            With what little sane thought I had left I used the Force to ease the boy up into the air, trying not to cause any more damage, and then gathered his limp form in my arms. For a moment I cradled his head against my chest but then I quickly made my way out of the garden and towards the healers.

            The panic had seeped out of my body but instead I was overwhelmed with dread. Who would do such a thing to my sweet, innocent Padawan? When had this happened? Why had I not felt anything through our bond before Obi-Wan had closed it? _Why_ had Obi-Wan closed it?

            As I strode purposefully towards the Healers' Ward I took more time to study Obi-Wan's face. He looked so young, laying unconscious and bleeding in my arms. So childlike and innocent. His sleeping face was etched with misery and he looked very much younger than his thirteen years. 

            Part of Obi-Wan's halfway destroyed tunic fell open to reveal more of his blood covered chest. A knot formed in my stomach and I felt suddenly sick and disgusted. The blood...the blood was everywhere. It covered him. It covered his chest and stomach, his arms, his face… Force there was so much blood on my small, defenseless Padawan, what if he had lost too much to survive… No. No, I couldn't think like that. 

            What was wrong with me? I had seen worse things done to people and it had never affected me like this. This was different though. This was my Padawan. _My_ Padawan. This was the boy who had so defiantly stood on Bandomeer with me, ready to risk his life to save mine. This was the boy who had wormed his way into my heart and it sickened me to see him like this.

            My heart constricted suddenly as I realized something. The skin under Obi-Wan's eyes was red and swollen and on the parts of his face that the blood didn't cover I could see the trail of tears… Obi-Wan had been crying. Not crying because of the pain or the attack but because of me. My words had made the boy cry and now…now I didn't even know if I'd ever have the chance to apologize for them.

            "Master Jinn!" Someone called my name and I looked around to realize that I had made it all the way to the healers without even realizing it. It was Master Healer Alida who had uttered my name.

            Alida rushed up to me, concern and horror written over her face, "Master Jinn," she said again, "what happened to him?"

            "I don't know," I said, my voice so hoarse that I didn't even recognize it, "I found him like this. Please, please help him."

            Several other healers approached me with a gurney and Alida indicated that I should lay Obi-Wan down on it. I knew that the healers were Obi-Wan's only hope of surviving but I found myself reluctant to part with the boy. 

            "Be strong, Obi-Wan," I whispered to him before gently placing him on the gurney.

            The healers, four not counting Alida, immediately turned to role Obi-Wan into one of the intensive care rooms and I moved to follow them.

            "No," Alida said, glancing back at me as she directed the other healers to push Obi-Wan's gurney against the wall, near a bacta tank, "you stay outside in the waiting room and let us do our jobs."

            "I will not leave his side," I said firmly, staring at Alida with intimidating eyes.

            "That may work on your Padawan, Master Jinn, but not on me. You will stay outside in the waiting room or I will call security and have them drag you back to your quarters."

            I blinked. Not many people used that tone of voice with me and I was surprised. "Please," I said, realizing that she wasn't going to change her mind, "keep me informed?"

            Alida smiled sadly, "Of course, Master Jinn," she said gently and the turned back to attend to Obi-Wan.

            Casting one last glance at the blood covered form of my Padawan I turned to leave his room.

            "Check his vitals," Alida ordered crisply as she closed the door behind me, shutting me away from my Padawan. "Strip away what's left of his tunic. We need to clean the cuts and welts…" I heard Alida say as I drifted away from the door and towards the waiting area.

            The waiting area was designed to calm people but the soothing colors did little to ease my mind. I couldn't get Obi-Wan's face out my head. His small, blood-covered and tear-stained face floated in front of my eyes like a vengeful apparition. I couldn't rid myself of the horrible image. 

          I let myself slump down into one of the many comfortable chairs the waiting room had to offer and covered my face with my hands. Force, I had never felt so helpless in my life. Obi-Wan's life hung in the balance, I was sure of it. I was halfway glad that I couldn't use our bond to judge the extent of his injuries. What I had seen was enough to almost terrify me. Obi-Wan had been beaten…tortured…

            Tortured by who? The question rang loudly in my mind. Who would do this to my Padawan? He had only been on a handful of missions and we had only left the Temple once since returning from Telos. He didn't have any enemies. Of course he had his rivals at the Temple but no Jedi would ever do this to a child. It had to have been someone from outside the Temple. But who? And how did this person break into the Temple unnoticed?

            There were so many unanswered questions. An investigation had to be started, I knew. I didn't want to leave the healers though. I couldn't leave. I wouldn't leave until Obi-Wan was well enough to leave with me. 

            My mind felt so empty without Obi-Wan there. I wanted so badly to do something to help him but all I could do was wait. I hated being this helpless. I needed to be doing _something_ to save my Padawan. I was no healer though, and I would not leave to perform an investigation. No one would pry me from this room. 

            "Master Jinn?" An inquisitive young voice reached my ears and momentarily pushed away my thoughts.

            I looked up. A young girl, probably only a few years older than my Padawan, stood before me. She was reasonably tall, very skinny and had long black hair that she wore up in a bun. I knew I should have recognized her but my mind was too troubled to figure out who she was. "Yes?" I asked softly.

            "I'm Jewel, a friend of Obi-Wan's. Are you feeling ill? Do you want me to go find one of the healers to take a look at you? I can examine you myself, if you want," the girl offered, obviously not aware of the reason I was here. She thought _I_ was sick.

            Jewel. The named clicked in my mind. Jewel was the friend Obi-Wan had told me about shortly after I had recovered from my ordeal. She had decided to become a healer when she realized that no one was going to take her as a Padawan Learner. "No, Jewel, I'm fine thank you. I am here because of Obi-Wan."

            "Obi-Wan?" Jewel exclaimed, extremely concerned, "What is wrong with him? Isn't he feeling well?"

            Oh, if only it were something so simple as my Padawan not feeling well. "No, Jewel, he's not feeling well," I said softly, "he–" how much should I tell the girl? "He was attacked." I said simply. That would have to be enough. I wouldn't go into detail about his…condition.

            "Attacked?" she said incredulously, "at the Temple? By who?"

            "I don't know." 

          "Is there anything I can do?" she asked hopefully, obviously wanting to help Obi-Wan as much as I did.

            "Yes," I said, nodding wearily, "please go and inform the Council that an investigation needs to be started regarding the identity of Obi-Wan's attacker. Tell them that Obi-Wan was attacked in his meditation garden, Yoda will know what I am talking about."

            Jewel nodded and gave me a small bow before rushing off to do as I had bid her.

            I rubbed my eyes tiredly and let out a long sigh. Worry and fear were battling for supremacy in my tired mind. What if Obi-Wan didn't survive this? What if I lost him? Force, I couldn't bear to lose another Padawan, not Obi-Wan, not my precious Obi-Wan. We had been through so much in such a short amount of time and we were so close. I couldn't lose him now, not before seeing how far our bond would progress, how close we would become. 

          Even at such a young age Obi-Wan was an extraordinary Jedi. His battle skills were the best I had ever seen for a Padawan his age and his determination and loyalty were so great that they were almost humbling. Had I ever told the boy this? Had I ever told him how skilled I thought he was and how honored I felt to have him as my Padawan? I had told him that he was a wondrous gift that the Force had given me but I had never told him how special he truly was. No, instead I had reprimanded him for one bad performance, for a single day where he couldn't find his center.

            He _had_ to survive this. He had to. If he joined the Force then the Force only knew what would happen to me. He was teaching me how to trust again. Without him, what would become of me? I couldn't lose him now! He had only been in my life for such a short time but already I felt helpless and lost without him.

            I let out a long determined sigh.

            I had to meditate and find my center. Worrying myself sick would not accomplish anything and wouldn't help Obi-Wan. Determined to remain calm I straightened my form and closed my eyes. Then I reached out to the Force and let it wash over me, let it flow through and around me.

          The last thing Obi-Wan had felt before closing down our bond was physical pain. Why would he shut me out if he was being attacked? Was it possible that the attacker and not Obi-Wan had somehow closed the bond? No. Only the Master or Padawan could terminate a training bond. No one else, not even Yoda, could sever it. 

          The thoughts and questions seeped back into my mind against my will and I immediately lost grasp on the Force, and what little calmness it had given me disappeared. I wouldn't be able to meditate. Not like this. I had to _know_ whether he was going to be okay or not before I could let myself drift into meditation. 

          Why did it surprise me though? On Phindar when Obi-Wan had almost lost his memory it had taken me almost an hour to calm myself. Now Obi-Wan was covered in blood and in all likelihood dying. How could I calm my mind when I was so worried and scared for the boy? Every time I tried to reach out to the Force I kept on picturing Obi-Wan's limp and bloody form and the same questions returned to my mind.

            "Qui-Gon?" I recognized Tahl's and looked around to find that she was sitting next to me on another one of the chairs in the waiting room.

            I nodded to her but then caught myself and said, "Yes?"

            "I ran into Jewel, or rather _she_ ran into me, and she told me that Obi-Wan was attacked. What happened?" The concern in her voice was evident and I was immensely grateful to have the comfort of my best friend at this difficult time. 

          "I don't know what happened," I said sadly, "I returned to our quarters, ready to apologize for my coldness, and he wasn't there. When I tried to reach him through our bond I found it closed at his end. The last thing he felt before closing the bond was…pain."

            Tahl was clearly surprised at what I told her for her eyes widened and it took her a few moments to gather her thoughts enough to speak, "He _closed_ the bond between you two? Why would he do that?"

            I shook my head helplessly before again realizing she couldn't see me. "I don't know, Tahl. I have no idea. Why _would_ he do that? I think it has something to do with the attack but there's no way to be sure. I sent Jewel to tell the Council so they can start an investigation. I found Obi-Wan in his favorite meditation garden…covered in slashes, cuts, welts, and…blood. I don't know if he's going to make it or not."

            Tahl reached forward and groped for my hand. Once she found it she held it tightly and whispered to me in a gentle, reassuring tone, "Don't say that, Qui-Gon. You can't let yourself think that way. Obi-Wan _will_ be all right and we will find whoever did this to him."

            "Thank you, dear friend," I said, smiling despite me worry and fear.

            "Who would want to hurt Obi-Wan?" Tahl asked softly.

            "Obi-Wan doesn't have any enemies! I don't know who would want to hurt him. All I know is that it can't be a Jedi because _no_ Jedi would do to any boy what Obi-Wan's attacker did to him. At least no Jedi that hasn't turned to the darkside."

            "How about you, Qui-Gon? Do you have any enemies that might seek revenge on you by hurting Obi-Wan?"

            "Xanatos is dead," I said flatly, "and there is no one else I know of that would hold such a thirst for revenge that he would beat Obi-Wan to within an inch of his life."

            "Are you so certain that we're not looking for a Jedi, Qui-Gon? I hate to think it just as much as you do but if we're not looking for a Jedi than someone would have had to sneak into the Temple unnoticed. We both know how hard it is to do that."

            "You haven't seen Obi-Wan," I said almost angrily, "his chest was covered in thick, deep gashes, his arms were all cut and scratched up, and his eyes, nose, and mouth were bleeding. I know of no Jedi that could do that to any living being."

            "Just because you don't know of any Jedi doesn't mean that one doesn't exist. We need to investigate _all_ possibilities. Jedi and non-Jedi alike. Let's go over all the evidence we have."

            "_What_ evidence?"

            Tahl ignored me and continued on, "Obi-Wan was attacked inside the Temple in or near a meditation garden sometime after your training session together. The last thing you received through the bond was pain – physical pain. That means that Obi-Wan closed off the bond _after_ the attack began. Since the bond only exists between the two of you in stands to reason that either he didn't want you to know about the attack or the attacker. Now, who would attack him that he wouldn't want you to know about or come rescue him from?"

            I sighed wearily. "I already told you, I _don't_ know."

            "Qui-Gon," Tahl snapped severely, "I know you're worried but not cooperating with me isn't going to help. Obi-Wan _has_ to know _someone_ with a good enough reason to do this to him or you do. If Obi-Wan closed the bond it means he didn't want you to know something. I think that means he knows who the attacker is. Why else would he close the bond? Now think. _Anyone_ who holds some sort of grudge against Obi-Wan might have done this. It might also be someone who knows _both_ of you."

            Pushing the pain and worry away I forced myself to calm down slightly and think. Who would have a grudge against Obi-Wan? Owen. Of course. Obi-Wan's little brother considered him a traitor for choosing to save me instead of their father. "Well," I began doubtfully, "Owen and Obi-Wan's mother are angry with him for not coming to the hospital to give the blood transfusion but I doubt that they would do anything like this to him. Owen is younger than Obi-Wan and my Padawan would have easily been able to defend himself against him. As for their mother…well do you know of any woman who could do such a thing to her own child?"

            Tahl shook her head, "No, I do not think his family is responsible for this, however we cannot drop them as suspects. Perhaps the father had a brother or someone who would be strong enough to overpower Obi-Wan or close enough to him so that Obi-Wan wouldn't fight back. Is the family still on Coruscant or have they returned to their homeworld?"

            "I do not know. You will need to check."

            "Me?" Tahl asked, "Does that mean that you're not going to help?" She sounded incredulous.

            "I am not leaving this room," I said firmly.

            "That doesn't mean that you can't help. Obi-Wan had other rivals other than Bruck and Bruck had friends who might hold a grudge against the boy. I will send them in here so that you can interview them. I will also send in all of Obi-Wan's friends and anyone else who might have known of any enemies the boy could have. We should put the Temple on lockdown so that no one can enter or leave. I will take care of locating the family and investigate the meditation garden for any evidence. Trust me, Qui-Gon; the interviews will help get your mind off of your Padawan."

            "Thank you, Tahl," I said. I was very grateful to my friend for leaping into the situation so readily and knew that with her help we _would_ catch Obi-Wan's attacker. She could not know how much it truly meant to me.

            "I will also deal with the Council," she said with a half smile.

            I heard a noise and immediately my head snapped up to find Alida standing a few feet away from me. "Yes?" I said, anxiously getting to my feet and approaching her. Tahl also rose to stand next to me, never letting go of my hand.

            "Master Jinn," Alida began gently, her voice alone telling me she had bad news, "I am sorry to inform you that your Padawan's condition is very serious. He has lost a great deal of blood and has suffered damage to some vital internal organs. We have managed to stop the internal bleeding and have submerged him in bacta but he may be too far gone to survive."

            I swallowed hard and Tahl's hand tightened around mine in silent support. My heart leapt up into my throat and the room seemed to spin around me. My throat constricted tightly. No! No, no, no! This couldn't be happening. Obi-Wan could _not_ _die_. Not now. He was so young, _too_ young, for this to happen to him! This was my fault…if I hadn't been so hard on him, if I had only gone with him after our training session, then he never would have been attacked. My Padawan…_my_ Padawan was dying… There had been so much blood… Force, so much blood on his frail body…too much blood…

            Alida's all-too-calm voice interrupted my thoughts, "We should know within a few hours whether or not the bacta is having any affect or not."

            I took a very deep breath and reached out to the Force with the few tendrils of control that I had left. I had to believe in Obi-Wan. I would _not_ lose my Padawan. He _would_ make it. He was strong. He would fight. He would survive the bacta treatment. "Thank you," I said tightly.

            Alida nodded and turned to disappear back into my apprentice's room.

            "Qui-Gon," Tahl started, her voice soft and understanding, "Obi-Wan is strong, he _will_ get through this."

            And if he didn't? My mind asked harshly. What would happen if he didn't? Would I survive the loss of another Padawan, this one dearer to me than life itself? "He has to, Tahl, he has to."

            "I'm going to talk to Yoda," Tahl said suddenly, "you need to meditate now. This isn't like you Qui-Gon, usually your able to control your emotions and remain focused but I can sense the turmoil in you. Meditate."

            ~~~~~~~~~~

            The Force flowed through and around me, beautiful and brilliant. Letting go of all of my troubles I let the light of its peace cascade over me. The Force was all around me and it illuminated my being and comforted my hurting soul. Despite my worries I felt at peace with myself and everything that surrounded me. I would not let my worry and fear dominate and control my actions. That would not help Obi-Wan and I longed to do something for my Padawan, even if I couldn't be with him as he hung to life by rapidly thinning threads.

            A strange sensation filled my body, a tingling, prickling, feeling that set my nerves on edge and caused my breath to quicken.

            _// "I have failed my Master again," my Padawan spoke softly into the stillness of the garden, "I performed shamefully today during a training exercise. I was distracted. I couldn't focus or find my center. I disappointed Qui-Gon," the last words were torn from Obi-Wan's throat with such great sadness and hurt that it sent a knife straight through my heart._

            _Obi-Wan was kneeling before the small colorful flowers in front of the miniature Merelia tree in the mediation garden. His head was bent and his shoulders were slumped forward. The small tremors that ran through my Padawan's shoulders told me he was crying even though I couldn't see his face. _

_          "What's wrong, Obi-Wan?" a haggard voice sneered, taking my Padawan by surprise. _

_          I man had entered the garden. He was standing a few feet in back of Obi-Wan and was wearing a thick dark black robe and had a hood pulled down over his face so that I could not see his features. "Did your precious Master Qui-Gon Jinn hurt you again?"_

            _My Padawan answered without turning around, "How did you get here?" he demanded. I did not miss the edge of despair in his voice and neither did the dark man. "You're supposed to be on… Perelious Prime."_

            _"I escaped," the voice said, sounding hauntingly familiar. Where had I heard that voice before? Who was the cloaked man? Obi-Wan obviously knew him._

            _"What do you want from me?"_

            _The man laughed an evil cackling laugh that chilled the air of the garden and sent a streak of terror through me. "I don't want anything *from* you, Padawan," the man said gruffly, pulling a long black whip out from under his black robe. "You already know why I'm here."_

            _"I won't let you hurt me. I'm not afraid of you anymore," Obi-Wan called out defiantly but I could hear the fear in his voice._

            _"You've always been afraid of me, now's no different."_

_          "Don't do something stupid. Once I tell the Council they'll send you back to Perelious Prime and this time you'll *never* escape," he was trying to intimidate the man but he was the one who was intimidated._

            _"Tell the Council?" the man laughed maliciously at the possibility. Darkness rolled off of him in waves, chilling me to the bone. "Now that the wondrous Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn is your Master? You wouldn't dare! You know what it'd do to him!"_

            _"Qui-Gon wouldn't have to know!" my Padawan called out almost frantically, "the Council wouldn't tell him unless I wanted them to."_

            _"Hmm.__ I hate to burst your bubble but now that the oh so noble Qui-Gon Jinn is your Master the Council wouldn't keep such a secret from him. The only reason he doesn't know yet is because it happened when he didn't know you and it's classified. If anything happens now that he *is* your Master…well…it's not classified from him anymore."_

            _My Padawan seemed to be at a loss for words and now his shoulders started to shake with more than just fear, "What are you going to do?"_

            _"I'm going to pick up where we left off, my precious Padawan, and you *won't* tell a soul about me, will you?"_

            _A loud snap reverberated through my body as the man flexed his weapon playfully and took several measured steps forward until he was standing at my Padawan's side._

            _"No," Obi-Wan said so softly that I almost couldn't hear him._

            _The man raised his whip in the air and brought it down forcefully against Obi-Wan's chest and shoulders. The boy's body shook slightly but he otherwise made no move and did not cry out in pain._

            _Again the whip came lashing down against my Padawan's chest and this time I could see the man's muscles rippling underneath his dark black tunic as a testament to the strength behind the devastating blow… _//

TBC…

chocky – story-wise, I don't have a real reason for writing in the first person. The non-SW stuff that I'm working on now, with my own original characters and universe, is in the first person so I thought it'd be good practice to write my fics in first person. I tend to like first person because it gives a great insight into the characters. Actually, the reason you think that third-person fits Jedi better is one of the reasons I think the first person is better. On the outside they seem rather cold and controlled but, just because they don't show a lot of emotion, doesn't mean they don't have it. The first person allows me to explore what Qui isn't showing. (Of course, please keep in mind that I write my Jedi with a lot more emotion than they actually have in the SW movies). Also, it all depends on the person reading. I, personally, don't think that a first person narrative is 'stilted'. I understand your opinion – a lot of people enjoy third person more than first – I just happen to like it, that's all. The characters are what usually draw me into a book, and I love first person because the reader gets a much greater understanding of the main character. As for participles, I hadn't realized that I don't use them a lot. Believe me – that wasn't done on purpose! I actually never thought about it. Now that you mention it – it does flow better. Thank you for being honest – I'll keep in mind what you said about participles. I do use them more now, but maybe not as much as I should. Thank you! =D I'm rather busy with other writing now so I won't be changing this story, but as you read please feel free to give me any opinions you have on how to improve my writing in future stories (such as the participle observation!). I'm glad that you're enjoying it and that it's suspenseful 'cause it was supposed to be.   Thanks for reading! =D       


	4. Classified Information

Hi! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy! =D

****

**_~ Part Four: Classified Information ~_**

**Qui-Gon:**

          "No!" I yelled, springing to my feet in horror.

            My lungs were burning angrily in my chest and my heartbeat was so fast that I would have sworn the whole Temple could hear it. I sucked air into my empty lungs and struggled to calm myself. I was in the waiting room still…I had had a vision. A horrible vision of the past.

            "Master Jinn?" Alida said worriedly, quietly emerging from Obi-Wan's room, "is something wrong?"

            I looked at the healer distantly. She had heard my cry. "No," I said softly, "nothing's wrong, I am sorry to have disturbed you. Has his condition changed?"

            Alida frowned curiously and stared at me silently for a few long moments before responding, "No, his condition hasn't changed," she said and then disappeared back into my apprentice's room. 

            I sank back down into my chair.

            Visions were at best unreliable and at worst misleadingbut I was sure that I had just seen what had happened to my Padawan, or at least _part_ of what had happened to my Padawan. Unfortunately what I had seen left me with more questions and no answers.

            Who was the darkly robed man who had attacked my Padawan? The boy obviously knew him but _how_? Why hadn't my Padawan tried to defend himself? Why had the man mentioned me with such hate? What had happened to Obi-Wan that the Council had never told me of? What information was classified? Why had my Padawan agreed to not tell the Council about the man?

            /_"I'm going to pick up where we left off, my precious Padawan, and you *won't* tell a soul about me, will you?"_/

            The man's tauntingly familiar voice came back to my mind… Why had he called Obi-Wan _Padawan_? 

            _/"I have failed my Master again. I performed shamefully today during a training exercise. I was distracted. I couldn't focus or find my center. I disappointed Qui-Gon."_/

            A tremendous guilt filled my heart as I heard Obi-Wan's devastated words again in my head. I had been so cold towards the boy. He had done poorly on _one_ training exercise and I had made him feel as if he had failed me. What if he didn't make it and I never got to tell him how sorry I was for being so hard on him? There was a difference between being demanding and being uncaring. 

            "Qui-Gon," Mace Windu's stern and serious voice reached me from the doorway. I looked up to see that the intimidating Council member was accompanied by Yoda and Tahl. "You are ill at ease, what news have you?"

            "Obi-Wan's condition has not changed. They do not know whether or not he is going to survive."

            "I am sorry," he said gently, "Obi-Wan is a very skilled Padawan and it would be a shame if the Order lost him."

            I raised my eyebrows slightly, "I was under the impression that you didn't want him in the Order."

            "I must be hard on him during the Council sessions, Qui-Gon. He left the Order and we must be sure of his commitment, I cannot let him think that his transgression was a minor one. Do not fear, your Padawan has proved himself. We were at the point of lifting his probation, actually."

            "He deserves it," I said softly.

            "Have any suspects in mind do you?" Yoda asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

            I hesitated before answering. Should I tell the Council members of the vision? I already knew that Yoda would tell me not to put my faith in visions. Mace Windu would most likely tell me that my anxiety was causing me to imagine things. After all, since when did people have visions of the _past_? 

            "No, I do not," I said, "Bruck had many friends that might hold a grudge against the boy but I doubt that they would go so far as to…do this to him and I think that Obi-Wan could have easily defended himself against them even if they had tried. I know that Obi-Wan's family considers the boy a traitor for choosing me over his father but I am not even sure if the family is still on Coruscant." 

            Yoda's eyes narrowed suspiciously but he said nothing. He knew I was concealing something.

            "Qui-Gon," Tahl said, "I just checked and Obi-Wan's family has gone back to their home planet. They left a few weeks ago, both Obi-Wan's mother and his little brother."

            I wasn't surprised. "I never truly considered them suspects anyway," I said, "it would be a brutal thing for a mother or brother to do."

            "Tahl tells us that Obi-Wan shut down your bond when the attack started, is this true?" Mace Windu asked gravely.

            "Yes, it is true."

            "I've checked the records and Obi-Wan doesn't have any uncles or _any_ relatives other than his mother and brother," Tahl said before Mace Windu could make any comment.

            I shot Tahl a grateful gaze. I was not in the mood to hear about how that was one of the worst violations of the Master/Padawan trust. "I guess that at this point there is nothing to do other than to interview everyone at the Temple to see if they know or saw anything. Has the Temple been closed to everyone leaving and entering?"

            "Yes. If the attacker hasn't left the Temple yet there is no way he's getting out now."

            "Told us Tahl did that think the attacker is a Jedi you do not," Yoda stated, his ears lowering slightly.

            "Yes, that is what I told her. No Jedi of the light could do this to a child."

            "Then look for a Jedi of darkness we do."

            I was surprised. Yoda thought a dark Jedi had been able to sneak around the Temple without being noticed? The man I had seen in my vision, dark Jedi or not, would have been highly suspicious. If he had been a Jedi of the darkness he would have been even more noticeable, emitting a dark wave to all he passed. "A dark Jedi?" I asked, "Here at the Temple?"

            "It makes sense, Qui-Gon." Tahl insisted, "This person would have trained as a Jedi at the Temple and would know his way around, making it much easier for him to sneak in and out unnoticed. Your Padawan is a very good fighter and if a non-Jedi had attacked him he would have been able to defend himself. A dark Jedi, on the other hand–"

            "Xanatos is dead."

            "I'm no saying that this was Xanatos."

            "Than who? How many Jedi have turned in the last century? Can you even name another?" Even as I spoke the words I could see the unease in Mace Windu and Yoda. Did they know something about the attack that they weren't sharing? My vision suggested that they were hiding something about Obi-Wan's past, was it possible that they were hiding something about the present as well?

            No one spoke.

            "Tahl, since you have already accounted for the family's whereabouts and closed the Temple I would appreciate it if you stayed and helped me conduct the interviews."

            Tahl frowned slightly, "Of course, Qui-Gon." 

            Mace Windu and Yoda exchanged a long glance. "You have our best wishes regarding the health of your Padawan," Mace Windu said, "please keep us informed."

            I nodded and watched the two Council members leave.

            "Tahl," I said brusquely, "come here, I have something important to tell you and you must promise me that you will not tell anyone else, not even Yoda."

            I could feel Tahl's confusion but I ignored it. "I'm sorry Qui-Gon, I can't promise you anything without knowing what I'm promising to keep a secret," she said as she seated herself by my side effortlessly.

            I sighed. I knew that Tahl would never make a promise she didn't know if she could keep but I also trusted her with my life. 

            A long silence followed my explanation of the vision I had seen before Tahl finally answered, "Qui-Gon," she said firmly, "are you _certain_ that this vision you had was real and that it wasn't just some…hallucination that your worried mind invented for you?"

            "Force, Tahl, of all people I thought that you would believe me."

            "I _do_ believe you," she said, annoyed, "we just need to be sure. The robed man that you saw complements our theory that he was attacked by a dark Jedi. However, it is disturbing to think that he knows who this man is and that the Council is hiding something from you about the boy's past."

            I nodded, "In the vision Obi-Wan said the man was supposed to be on Perelious Prime and the man answered that he escaped. There are several high security prisons on that planet. Would you mind running a check on all of them and seeing how many people have recently escaped?"

            "Of course not. I've already contacted Obi-Wan's closest friends and his rivals and told them to come here one at a time to be questioned. Bant should be arriving soon. In a few minutes I'm going to meet Adi Gallia in the meditation garden. We are going to look for any evidence that might point to the identity of the killer. I will keep you informed."

            "Thank you, Tahl." I could always trust Tahl to take things into her own hands and act quickly. She knew that conducting the interviews would take my mind off of Obi-Wan's state. If I was left alone then my mind would drift back to my Padawan's small, helpless body covered in streaks of red blood…

~~~~~~~~~~

          "Please come in, Bant," I said as gently as I could, trying to keep the desperate edge out of my voice.

            Bant nodded timidly and took a seat across from me. "Qui-Gon," she said shyly, "is Obi-Wan going to be all right?"

            "I don't know, Bant," I answered honestly, "but you can't give up hope."

            "What happened?"

            I leaned forward in my chair and intertwined my fingers, "That's what we're trying to figure out."

            "I'll try and help in any way I can," she offered instantly.

            "Bant," I started heavily, "you are Obi-Wan's best friend, isn't that right?"

            "Yes, I am."

            "Obi-Wan confides in you, doesn't he?"

            "Of course he does, as I do in him."

            "And has Obi-Wan ever told you about any dangerous incidents that he has been involved in?" It wasn't the best way to phrase the question but I wasn't sure exactly what I was looking for. If Obi-Wan had told anyone about this strange man it would be Bant.

            "I'm not sure I understand. Obi-Wan always told me when he got into fights with Bruck, if that's what you mean."

            I shook my head, "No, I don't mean rivals. During his training as an initiate was he ever attacked by someone other than Bruck?"

            "No, not that I know of. Bruck had friends but he was the one that always taunted Obi-Wan."

            I sighed. 

            "Qui-Gon, perhaps if you told me what you're looking for I can help you better?"

            I raised my eyebrows, surprised. "Very well Bant, I will be frank. Has Obi-Wan ever told you about a strange dark man who would be interested in hurting him for some reason?"

            Bant looked worried suddenly, "Do you mean that you think Obi-Wan knew his attacker?"

            "It is a definite possibility."

            My Padawan's friend was clearly shaken. "No, Obi-Wan never told me about anything like that. As far as I know the only person who ever really wanted to hurt him was Bruck."

            "I see." Bant obviously didn't know anything. It would be pointless to ask her if she had seen anything unusual around the Temple today for I knew she would have already told me if she had. "Thank you."

            Bant made no move to leave and clearly looked uncomfortable. I could tell she was fighting an inner battle. She was trying to decide whether to tell me something or not. "What is it Bant?" I asked, "if you know _anything_ at all, I need for you to tell me."

            "I…I'm don't know if this is important or not but a couple of years ago, when Obi-Wan was eleven or so, he…left the Temple for a little while."

            "He _left_ the Temple?" I couldn't keep the surprise form coloring my voice, "what do you mean he left?. 

            "I-I'm not sure, he never really told me. One morning I went to his room and most of his clothes were gone. He returned about a week later and said he was all right but he seemed…different to me."

            "Different how?" 

            "Sad. Almost depressed. He…he kept saying how he was unworthy of being a Jedi. It only lasted about a month and all of a sudden, from night to day, the old Obi-Wan was back. I think, but I'm not sure, that during that month he may have been seeing a Soul Healer on a regular basis."

            None of this made any sense! Obi-Wan leaving the Temple when he was eleven, coming back and having to see a Soul Healer, getting attacked by a strange man, having something happen to him that the Council had kept secret from me and perhaps forced the boy to keep secret from me also, Obi-Wan knowing the identity of his attacker and shutting off our bond. How was it all connected? 

            "Thank you, Bant," I said pensively.

            "If there's anything else you need please contact me," the girl said and then left the waiting room.

            I sat back to wait for the next interview. Trying and failing to keep the unbidden memories from circling mercilessly in my head. Obi-Wan kneeling there, face and chest dripping in blood… 

            No, I had to stop remembering that. I had to focus on something else. Perhaps there was something I had missed during the vision?

            /_"I won't let you hurt me. I'm not afraid of you anymore," Obi-Wan called out defiantly but I could hear the fear in his voice._

            _"You've always been afraid of me, now's no different."_/

            The man had said, 'you've always been afraid of me.' That implied that Obi-Wan had known him for a considerable amount of time. As a young initiate my Padawan had most likely never even left the Temple until that one week where he had left without telling Bant anything about it. 

            The last time Obi-Wan had seen his family he had been very young, four years old if my memory served me. That meant that this person was either a family member that Obi-Wan would remember well from such a young age, someone he had met during that week he had left the Temple, or someone at the Temple – a Jedi.

            Tahl had said that other than his mother and brother, Obi-Wan didn't have any other family and they weren't even on Coruscant. That ruled out the possibility of it being a family member. That left the last two options. Where had Obi-Wan gone when he left the Temple for one week? Was this the classified information that the Council hadn't told me about?

            My comlink sounded.

            I absently picked it up and said, "Yes?"

            "Qui-Gon," Tahl's voice came through, "Adi and I are still at the meditation garden but we haven't found any evidence yet. The attack took place in front of the Merelia tree and flowers, right?"

            "Yes, that's where I found Obi-Wan." I wanted to say that I had also seen it in my vision but I didn't want to risk Adi hearing and reporting it to the Council.

            "That's what I thought. Unfortunately, according to Adi, not even a single flower is trampled. Everything is exactly as it should be. Completely peaceful in every way."

            Completely peaceful in every way, except for the fact that Obi-Wan had nearly been killed there. "I see, thank you for keeping me informed."

            "Have you learned anything?"

            "I'm not sure. I can't say whether my interview with Bant was enlightening or confusing."

            I heard light footfalls against the cold tiles of the waiting room and looked up to see Reeft, another one of Obi-Wan's friends, standing in the doorway. 

            "I'm sorry, Tahl," I said, cutting her off before she could respond, "Reeft is here to be questioned. I will talk to you later."

            I cut off the transmission and signaled for Reeft to enter. "Please sit down, Reeft."

~~~~~~~~~~

          I sighed in frustration as I watched Siri leave. I had already conducted fifteen interviews and the only one that had been of any help at all had been Bant's. I wasn't getting anywhere. No one had seen anything unusual around the Temple. If they had, they would have reported it. I had already spoken to Obi-Wan's closest friends and if they didn't know about anyone who might want to hurt my Padawan, who would? If the person who had attacked my Padawan was even still at the Temple he wouldn't come in for an interview with me. This was pointless.

            "Frustrated?" I heard Tahl's voice and looked up to her enter the waiting room.

            "That's one way to put it," I sighed. "Have you learned anything?"

            "Yes, but first I want to know what Bant told you. You said that you didn't know whether you interview with her was enlightening or confusing."

            I nodded. Trust Tahl to remember my exact words. "Yes. Bant told me that when Obi-Wan was eleven he left the Temple for a week. She said that when he came back he seemed different and thought he was unworthy of being a Jedi. She suspects that Obi-Wan may have been seeing a Soul Healer for a while also."

            Tahl was clearly surprised, "Does she know _why_ he left the Temple?"

            "No, she doesn't." I leaned forward in my chair and Tahl came to sit down next to me. "Tahl," I said, "I think that it may be connected to the attack in some way, but I'm not sure. In my vision I learned that the Council is keeping information about Obi-Wan's past hidden from me. I think that this may be it."

            "What does it have to do with the man who attacked Obi-Wan though? And how are we going to find out what the Council is keeping secret if you don't tell them about your vision?"

            "I have no idea how this is connected to the attacker and although I suspect that using what Bant told me I could question the Council on what they're keeping secret from me, I have decided to tell Yoda about my vision. I know he will tell me that visions are unreliable but I have to know what they've been keeping secret. Obi-Wan's life may depend on it. The attacker may come back and we have to be ready for him."

            "Good, you should tell Yoda. Adi Gallia and several other Jedi Masters have performed a thorough search of the Temple in search of anyone that may be hiding but they found nothing. Either the man is no longer here, or he is extremely good at hiding."

            I nodded somberly; I wasn't surprised that they hadn't found anyone. "You said you learned something?"

            "Yes, I did. I contacted all the prisons on Perelious Prime. Only one of them has had people escape in the last two months. The maximum security prison experienced a strange power outage yesterday morning and seven criminals escaped. As of now all of them have been recaptured except for two. Prisoners 39098-09898 and 19347-21192 are still at large. Unfortunately, do to the nature of the prisons, no records are kept on the real names of these prisoners so we have no way of finding out who they are."

            I let out a frustrated sigh. That figured. "Is that all?"

            "No," Tahl hesitated, "it's not. I…Qui-Gon, was Obi-Wan acting strangely this morning?"

            I thought back to early this morning, when my Padawan had still been unhurt and conscious. Had he acted strangely before the training session? Memory flooded back to me suddenly, filling my mind with the image of my Obi-Wan.

            /_"Good morning, Padawan," I said as I entered the kitchen and was surprised to find Obi-Wan was already awake and preparing breakfast. "You're up early. Did you sleep well?"_

            _Obi-Wan looked up from the pancakes he was making and smiled, "Yes, Master. Did you have a good night?"_

            _I smiled, "Yes, I did."_

            _Obi-Wan seemed nervous, I noted curiously, almost afraid. We had had several discussions and had meditated together many times, why was my Padawan still so uncertain around me? "Is something wrong, Obi-Wan?" I asked, concerned._

            _"No, Master," Obi-Wan answered quickly, a little too quickly._

            _"Are you sure?"_

            _"Yes, Master. Thank you for your concern."/_

            "Yes," I said softly, "Obi-Wan did seem different. I asked him if he was all right and he said he was fine. I let the matter drop. Why?"

            "I'm not sure why I did this, it just came out of my mouth before I was even conscious of asking but…I spoke with a woman called Dala Melo, she's the head security agent at the Methos Prison Center. Near the end of our conversation I asked her if, by any chance, a Obi-Wan Kenobi had contacted the prison. The woman said that she didn't recall a 'Obi-Wan' Kenobi calling but that a 'Benjamin' Kenobi contacted her early this morning and asked to speak with prisoner 19347-21192."

            For a moment I was speechless. My Padawan had contacted a high security prison wishing to speak with a prisoner who escaped. Then, later the same day, Obi-Wan was attacked. "That's the man," I said softly, "the man Obi-Wan wanted to speak with is the one who attacked him today. I'm sure of it. This proves that Obi-Wan knows the man, just as in my vision. Now all we need to figure out is who this man is and how my Padawan knows him." 

            "Why did Obi-Wan call himself Benjamin?"

            "Benjamin Kenobi Lars is his birth name. When he was brought to the Temple his chosen name was Obi-Wan and he later dropped Lars as well."

            "Dala Melo also told me that when she told Obi-Wan that the prisoner had escaped he sounded frightened."

            I closed my eyes. Obi-Wan had been frightened and nervous and instead of sitting down to talk to him I had accepted it when he told me he was all right. What if I had pressed him further? Would he have told me something important? Would he still have been attacked? Force, why couldn't I ever do anything right by Obi-Wan? "Did you request the prisoner's file?" I asked, pushing my worry and guilt into the back of my mind.

            "Yes, of course, but as I said it won't have the man's name or a picture, or anything we can use to identify him, for that matter."

            "Can I see his file?" I asked.

            Tahl reached into her tunic and after fumbling for a few moments produced a datapad, which she handed to me. "Have you read this?" I asked before thinking about what I was asking. Immediately I felt a wave of remorse wash through me. Of course she hadn't read it. She was blind. "Tahl–" I started to apologize, but my friend cut me off.

            "It's all right, Qui-Gon really. It's actually a complement, if you think about it the right way."

            "Of course, my friend," I said softly.

            I focused my attention on the datapad and began to skim through the contents. "Prisoner 19347-21192 was sent to the Methos Prison Center on Perelious Prime on January 17th, two years ago. He is classified as being a very dangerous man who is slightly eccentric and has a thirst for revenge," I reported to my sightless friend, "while in prison he behaved as a model citizen, until he escaped. It says here that he was charged with–" My voice abruptly died when I read the man's crime and my stomach tightened into a knot. Fear and dread for Obi-Wan's safety battled with my curiosity to get to the bottom of this.

            "What was he charged with?" Tahl asked impatiently, either not sensing my distress or ignoring it for the moment.

            I swallowed hard and took a deep breath before continuing, "He was charged with child abuse."

            An uncomfortable silence fell between us for several long minutes before Tahl finally answered, "Child abuse and is a serious charge but not so serious that he would end up in one of the highest security prisons in the galaxy. Why was he sent there?"

            I shook my head helplessly, "I don't know Tahl." I skimmed the rest of the document. "That's odd," I murmured, "There are no records of where the trial took place. It's as if his case never went to court." 

            "Well, there goes are last chance of figuring out who this man is," Tahl said with a sigh.

            "Not quite," I said, a small wave of excitement rolling through me, "It says that his homeworld is Messos. That should give us something to work with. After all, how many people could have possibly been sent to the Methos Prison Center on the 17th of January two years ago?"

            "That'll only help us if the Messos government was somehow involved. He could have been accused and convicted of his crimes on any planet."

            I smiled, but it was a smile of little mirth, "Not necessarily. Every planet is required to keep records on everyone born on its soil. We should be able to find this man's record by looking for all people sent to prison on that day. As I said, there should not be that many. The computer should be able to find all possible matches in just a few minutes."

            "We make a good team," Tahl said, "we should work together more often."

            "Yes," I said dryly, "too bad we only work together when something is seriously wrong."

            I approached the computer panel in the waiting room and said, "I'm going to start the search." Messos and the Jedi Order were on very good terms and due to that fact it was very easy for me to access their computer center and soon I had initiated a search that would go through all of the planet's natives and give me a list of everyone who had been sent to prison on January 17th, two years ago.

            "It's searching," I called over my shoulder to Tahl, who was still sitting.

            We spent the next few minutes in silence, waiting for the computer to finish. I knew that there couldn't possibly be very many people from Messos that had gone to prison on the same day and therefore the search would not take very long.

            Beep, beep, beep! The computer sounded as it finished the search.

            As I expected, the list was very short and consisted of only three names:

Rosoai Drollos

Mekoy Seil

Ram-Cead

I quickly read the names off to Tahl, "By opening their files we should be able to eliminate the two who aren't the one we're looking for," I said. I opened Rosoai Drollos' file. "Rosoai Drollos was accused of murder in the first degree and was sent to a prison on Quiaos, he cannot be the man we're looking for." I opened the next file, "Mekoy Seil was accused of assassinating an important duke and his wife. He was sent to a prison on Rotai, where he died two months later. Obviously he's not the one we're looking for." 

            A surge of excitement and hope ran through me. In a few moments we'd have the identity of the man who had attacked Obi-Wan! I touched my finger to Ram-Cead's name and waited for the computer to open his file.

            A shrill alarm sounded sharply in the air, surprising me as well as Tahl. On the screen a message in bold red letters flashed. The words read:

Access denied, information classified

TBC…


	5. An Uninformative Conversation

I'm soooooooooooo sorry for not posting this earlier!!!  I really didn't mean for so much time to pass, truly I didn't!  Here's the next part (finally!) and although nothing is solved – it doesn't end in a cliffhanger. =D  (Hopefully you'll keep reading anyway???)

**Warnings**: This part is one of the weakest of the story, I will readily admit that, and there is Obi-torture here.

**~ Part Five: An Uninformative Conversation ~ **

**Qui-Gon:**

"What is it?" Tahl demanded, coming to stand behind me, "what's wrong?"

          "Ram-Cead's file is classified, I can't get access," I said, frustrated.

          "Why is it classified?" Tahl asked.

          "I don't know, but I think it's past time that I speak with Yoda."

~~~~~~~~~~

          "Wish to see me you do?" Yoda said as he entered the waiting room and seated himself on one of the cushions on the floor.

            "Yes, Master Yoda. Thank you for coming," I said, kneeling before Yoda so that we would be more equal in height.

            "Humph! Came I did because leave this room I know you will not."

            "Thank you, Master Yoda," I said again. "I had a vision of Obi-Wan's attack. Something in that vision led me to believe that the Council is withholding information from me about Obi-Wan's past. I also spoke with Bant and she told me that Obi-Wan left the temple for a week, two years ago. I was wondering if you'd consider telling me what information it is that you have kept classified and where Obi-Wan went for that week when he left the Temple."

            Yoda's ears dropped down and his eyes looked regretful, "Sorry to tell you, Qui-Gon, that I cannot give you the information you seek. Only tell you I can that the week where Obi-Wan left is the information we are keeping from you. No more than this will I say."

            I was astounded. Would Yoda actually keep important information from me now that Obi-Wan was _dying_? "You mean to say that you will not tell me where Obi-Wan went?"

            "What I said that is."

            I took a deep breath in a futile effort to calm myself, "But the information is related to this attack?"

            Yoda did not respond.

            "How can you keep important information from me? Obi-Wan's life is still in danger! Even if Obi-Wan survives the bacta treatment his safety cannot be guaranteed. What if the attacker returns? What if he's still in the Temple?"

            "Discover the attacker's identity by other means you must. Tell you I will not."

            Now I was so surprised that my thoughts came in a jumble of confused emotions, "You _know_ who the attacker is and you won't tell me?"

            Again, Yoda did not respond.

            "Obi-Wan's life is in danger!" I exploded vehemently, no longer able to contain my anger or frustration.

            "Tell you I cannot, very sorry I am."

            I let out a snort of disbelief. "I cannot find out who the identity of the attacker is unless you tell me or Obi-Wan wakes up. The man's file is classified and I cannot find any information on him _anywhere_, other than what's in his prison record."

            "Other ways there are. Trust in the Force you must. Use the intuition I know you posses."

            "Why won't you tell me?" I asked.

            "Tell you I cannot for heal Obi-Wan must."

            "By not telling me you're putting my Padawan's life in even greater danger!"

            "Not speaking of physical wounds was I. Emotional wounds the boy has, wounds which he has kept secret from you. Tell you he must, if he is to heal."

            "What if Obi-Wan won't tell me and his attacker comes back? You have to tell me who this man is so that I can protect the boy!"

            "Obligated to tell you nothing I am."

            "I'm his Master," I roared, "and I c-care for him. Master Yoda, please."

            Yoda gently tapped his gimmer stick on the floor "If care for him you do than allow him his own time to heal you must. Tell you he will when he is ready."

            I sighed, "I will continue to hunt for the identity of the attacker," I vowed fiercely.

            "Know that I do. Discover his identity you will not if open your mind you don't."

            Open my mind? What did Yoda mean by that? Why did the little troll have to be so damned _cryptic_? "At least tell me if the man will attack again," I found myself pleading softly, the anger dying from my voice.

            "Safe here Obi-Wan is, for want the boy this man does not." Having said this Yoda lifted himself from the comfortable cushion and turned to leave the room.

            "What do you mean it's not Obi-Wan he wants? He almost killed the boy!" 

            Yoda did not answer, leaving me alone in the waiting room with only my worry, fear, and anger for company.

            Did Yoda mean that the man was after me? Was that why the man had mentioned me with such hate in my vision? If the man was after me than I had to know him from somewhere. Who could he be that both my Padawan and I would know him?

            A Jedi. It was the only possibility. A Jedi who had trained at the Temple and later turned to the darkside. Something in my mind finally clicked. Mace Windu and Yoda had looked uncomfortable when I asked them to name a single Jedi, not including Xanatos, who had turned to the darkside in the past century. Was it possible that there was another Jedi and that I simply hadn't heard of the incident? That was highly unlikely. A Jedi turning to the darkside was information that flew through the Order at remarkable speed. It had when Xanatos had turned.

            The Council was keeping something from me. Something related to why Obi-Wan had left the Temple for a week and about the man who had attacked him. If the Council, for some reason, wanted to keep it a secret that a Jedi had turned they would have had to classify _all_ information relating to that Jedi. Was it possible that Obi-Wan, during the week he had left the Temple, had somehow been involved in the incident where this Jedi had turned? That would explain why the Jedi was sent to the Methos Prison Center when his crime was not considered serious enough to warrant going there. That would also explain why his file was classified.

            I clenched my fists tightly. I was left with the same two questions: who was this man and how did Obi-Wan know him? 

            /_I don't want anything *from* you, Padawan./_ I heard the man's voice again in my head. He had called Obi-Wan Padawan… A feeling of dread washed through my veins. Was it possible that this man had been Obi-Wan's Master? That Obi-Wan had left the Temple for a week because someone had chosen him as a Padawan?

            According to Bant, Obi-Wan had left the temple two years ago, which coincided with the fact that the man had been accused of child abuse and thrown in prison two years ago. Was it possible that Obi-Wan was the child the man had abused? 

            I shuddered. Poor Obi-Wan. If this man had taken him as his Padawan and then abused him…it was a wonder that Obi-Wan could ever trust another Master again. From the very first time that I had bet Obi-Wan it was my trust that had been questioned, not the boy's. If this was true, and Obi-Wan had been this man's Padawan and had suffered abuse, it showed how much purer his character was than mine. It would mean that Obi-Wan had been hurt also and yet was willing to trust me.

            I picked up my comlink and contacted Bant. 

            "Bant," I spoke before the girl even had time to say 'hello'. "This is Qui-Gon."

            "Do you have news of Obi-Wan? No one will tell us anything. Reeft and I are worried." She sounded weary and tired. She had probably waiting for information ever since our interview.

            "No," I said softly, gently, "I am sorry, Bant, I know nothing more. I have another question for you."

            "Yes? What is it?"

            "You said that Obi-Wan left the Temple for a week, two years ago. Do you remember the date he left and the date he came back?"

            Bant was silent for a very long time before answering, "I am sorry, Qui-Gon, I only remember that it was near the beginning of the year. I've kept a journal for some time now and I remember that I wrote about it when he left. Would you like me to look through it and tell you what day it was when I wrote?"

            I smiled at the girl's offer, "Yes, Bant, I would appreciate that greatly."

            "I will contact you when I find the journal entry," the girl promised.

            I cut off the communication.

            Bant remembered that Obi-Wan had left near the beginning of the year. The man, Ram-Cead, had been convicted on January 17th. So far the dates matched. 

            I pensively ran through a hypothetical scenario in my head. At age eleven Obi-Wan would have been honored and delighted to have been taken as a Padawan. Most were not chosen until their twelfth year. He would not have stopped to consider if he felt a bond with this man, he would have excitedly accepted. 

            In my mind I could easily picture the scenario.

            A man had asked Obi-Wan to be his Padawan and Obi-Wan had accepted. For some reason the Council had sent them on a mission and Obi-Wan hadn't had time to tell Bant that he had been chosen. He had packed some things and left with his new Master. Throughout the mission Obi-Wan had been physically abused. Upon returning to the Temple a week later, Obi-Wan had reported to the Council that he had been abused. The Council had intervened and separated Obi-Wan from his Master. After speaking with his Master they had realized he had turned and had sent him to the Methos Prison Center. 

            It made perfect sense! If only I could prove it and figure out who this 'Master' was. Tahl had already run a search through the Jedi database and no matches had been found for 'Ram-Cead'. I hadn't been surprised. Most Jedi changed their names once they were old enough. Obi-Wan's birth name was Benjamin Kenobi Lars. 'Ram-Cead' could have changed his name to anything!

            I had no way of finding out who this person was! His file was classified therefore I couldn't contact his parents because I didn't know who they were either. His prison record didn't have a picture or a name. In my vision I couldn't see his face. Yoda wouldn't tell me. It looked like I'd have no choice but to wait until Obi-Wan woke up. _If_ Obi-Wan woke up…

            My comlink sounded, fortuitously interrupting my depressing chain of thoughts. 

            "Yes?" I said after activating the comlink.

            "Qui-Gon?" I recognized Bant's excited voice, "I found it!"

            "That was quick, thank you Bant."

            "My journal entry is dated January 9th and it reads, 'I'm worried about Obi-Wan. I went to his room yesterday and he wasn't there. Some of his clothes were gone. I asked Master Yoda but he told me to wait until Obi-Wan gets back and to ask him.' That means that Obi-Wan left on the 8th because in my entry it says 'yesterday.' My next entry is from the 15th; that's the day that Obi-Wan got back."

            A momentary flicker of triumph rushed through me. Bant had just proved my theory! It made sense. Obi-Wan had been chosen as a Padawan and he had left for his first mission in the 8th. When he returned on the 15th he reported his abuse and his Master had been convicted and sent to jail two days later, on the 17th. "Thank you very much Bant," I said, cutting off the transmission.

            Things were slowly falling into place. Unfortunately I _still_ didn't know who this man was.

            Using my comlink again I contacted Tahl and asked her to come back to the waiting room. I had sent her away so that I could speak with Yoda.

~~~~~~~~~~

          "So, we're stuck again," I said heavily when I finished getting Tahl caught up on everything I had learned and deduced. "It looks like we're going to have to wait for Obi-Wan to wake up and ask him."

            Tahl shook her head vigorously, a smile playing at her lips, "Not necessarily Qui-Gon. The Jedi Temple keeps records too. Every single mission that any Jedi is sent on is recorded in different files. We can search for this mission by the day it started and the day it ended and see who was sent on it."

            I jumped up from my chair and sat down in front of the computer consul. "You're right Tahl, we do make a good team," I said as I accessed the Jedi Mission Files and inputted the information I was searching for.

            A second later the results came up. There was only one mission for the specific dates I had entered. "I found something. It's filed under 'The Xon vs. Zerus Incident.' Under general information it has a summary of the incident. Xon and Zerus are neighboring planets that were having a dispute over who had the rights to mine on the moon of a nearby uninhabited planet. The Zerus leader asked for Jedi assistance and a team was dispatched on the 8th, the day Obi-Wan left! That's all it has under general. I'm going to go into 'details' and see who they dispatched." 

            I touched the 'details' sign on the screen and waited, anxiously and hopefully, for the computer to load the next page.

            I jumped slightly when a loud alarm went off. On the screen the following words flashed:

Access denied, information classified

          "Not again," I grated, resting the urge to pound the consul with my fist, "it's classified."

            "Well I'll give them this much, the Council sure is thorough," Tahl said with a touch of humor.

            "How can you joke at a time like this?"

            "Qui-Gon, you yourself have said not to focus on your anxieties. You should take your own advice; it might do you some good."

            I ignored Tahl's remark, even though I knew it was true. "Now what?"

            Tahl didn't answer.

            "That's what I thought," I grumbled.

            I returned to my seat and held my head in my hands. I was so worried about Obi-Wan. No matter what I did I couldn't rid the feeling of deep dread that had implanted itself in me. I also couldn't erase the guilt. 

            Obi-Wan had obviously been scared this morning and I hadn't done anything about it. I was his Master. It was my duty to help and guide him. If I had talked to him then perhaps he would have told me about…his old Master and maybe the attack could have been prevented. Then, after our training session, I had been too hard on him. A proper Master would have told Obi-Wan that he hadn't performed to the best of his abilities and offered to meditate with him and help him find his center. I had told him that a third year initiate could have done better. What if he died and I never got the chance to apologize?

            "Has Alida given you any news?" Tahl asked softly.

            "No, she hasn't told me anything since she put him in the bacta tank."

            "That's just like the healers. You'd think they'd be a little more sympathetic and tell you what's going on. You're worried out of your mind and they haven't even come out to say that his condition hasn't changed."

            "His condition hasn't changed," I argued wearily, "that's _why_ they haven't come out. If he had taken a turn for the better or worse, she would have told me."

            A vision of Obi-Wan's tear glazed eyes filled my mind. He had looked so stricken and I had made him look like that. I had hurt him. I had been too hard. I was worried about being too coddling and because of my worry I had gone to the other extreme and wounded the boy. Now he was floating in a bacta tact and there was no way I could tell him I was sorry. I couldn't even comfort him through our bond for he had shut himself off from me.

            "That's why he shut off the bond," I said as the realization dawned on me.

            "Why?" Tahl asked.

            "Because he didn't want me to know that he had another Master before me. He didn't want me to know he had been abused. He was afraid I would think less of him for it." My voice held a dejected weariness that I hadn't heard in myself for a long time…since just after Xanatos turned…

            "Qui-Gon," her voice was assertive and sharp, "you'll get a chance to talk to him and make everything right between you. You moved on past Melida/Daan, you'll make it through this too. He trusts you, Qui-Gon. You'll be able to get through to him and help him heal."

            "If he lives…" I let my voice trail off into silence.

            "He _will_ live. You can't give up on him. Obi-Wan is a fighter, Qui-Gon. You know that." My friend let out a long deep sigh, "You need to get some rest, Qui-Gon. It's almost midnight. Go to sleep. Everything will seem brighter when you wake up tomorrow morning."

            Sleep? Tahl thought I could sleep with Obi-Wan's life hanging in the balance? "I'm not leaving this room," I stated determinedly. No force on heaven or earth could pry me away from where I belonged.

            "I never suggested that you would," Tahl countered curtly, "I meant that you should sleep here."

            "Here?"

            Tahl laughed suddenly. The sound of mirth sounded so strange to my ears. I had only been in here for less than half a day and already I felt more like an eternity. "Last time I checked, which was before the mission I was blinded on, there were many comfortable reclining chairs and cushions that you could use to make yourself reasonably comfortable. You've slept in worse than this, prison cells, for example, you can sleep here too. I'm sure that Alida will wake you up if Obi-Wan's condition changes."

            I knew that Tahl was right but I didn't _want_ to sleep. Sleep was a time for a weary mind to conjure nightmares to torture the soul with. Sleep was not something I was looking forward to, neither was the falling asleep part. It would take me many long hours to fall asleep and every minute of those hours would be spent in contemplation of my poor Padawan's bloodied form and tear glazed eyes. "You're right. Goodnight, Tahl."

            "Goodnight, Qui-Gon," Tahl said. My friend found and held my hand for a few long moments before turning to leave the waiting room, leaving me alone yet again.

            ~~~~~~~~~~

For what was probably the hundredth time since I had lain down to sleep, I shifted positions. It wasn't that my body couldn't get comfortable; it was my mind that couldn't settle down. As I had predicted, my restless waking hours were haunted by visions of my Padawan.

            Obi-Wan's saddened eyes as he desperately tried to apologize for his lack of concentration and then the stricken look on his face as I had cut him off twice, filled my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I couldn't stop his tear-glazed eyes from hovering over the eyes of my mind anymore than I could stop his blood-covered young body from appearing to take their place. 

            Guilt swarmed around me like a flock of hungry vultures circling above their prey. I couldn't keep myself from thinking that if I had taken the time to speak with him this morning, or had walked with him to the healers, none of this would have happened. A few comforting words over breakfast or a small encouragement might have maid all the difference in the world. But I hadn't done any of that and now Obi-Wan was hanging between life and death and there was nothing I could do to help him.

            "Oh Force, please bring him back to me," I whispered into the silent room as I finally drifted off into sleep."

~~~~~~~~~~

          // _The man raised his whip in the air and brought it down forcefully against Obi-Wan's chest and shoulders. The boy's body shook slightly but he otherwise made no move and did not cry out in pain._

            _Again the whip came lashing down against my Padawan's chest and this time I could see the man's muscles rippling underneath his dark black tunic as a testament to the strength behind the devastating blow._

            _A shrieking snap disturbed the silence of the garden as the whip made harsh contact with Obi-Wan's flesh, ripping clothes and tearing open sensitive skin. Tiny tremors of pain and fear wracked the boy's body as his muscles clenched and tightened dramatically. Still, my brave Padawan made no sound._

            _Horror and disgust flooded my mind. 'No!' I wanted to cry out to my Padawan, 'don't let him do this, fight him!' Why didn't Obi-Wan struggle? Why didn't he turn and fight the man? Why didn't he call for help?_

            _The man laughed, "My, how you have changed my *brave* young Padawan. Remember how it was last time? You begged and pleaded for me to stop as sobs tore through your body."_

            _The vision was sickening to picture. Obi-Wan, eleven years old, on the floor, begging for mercy as the man ruthlessly beat him with a whip and the Force only knew what else… What was wrong with this man? Who was he and what did he want? The dark man had the hood of his black robe pulled so low over his face that I couldn't tell who he was._

            _Obi-Wan shuddered and when he lifted his head for the first time his hauntingly blank stare cut a whole through my heart. He wanted to fight what was happening, he wanted to stop the man, but a fear deep inside him prevented him from defending himself. He looked so helpless. So very young and vulnerable. _

            _I wanted to help him. I wanted to scream and yell at the man. I wanted to take Obi-Wan into my arms and tell him that everything would be all right, that I understood. 'Don't let him do this!' I cried out silently into the recesses of my mind. I felt sick; sick to my mind and heart._

            _My Padawan's terrified grey eyes slammed shut as the whip cut into his skin yet again. The only sound that escaped Obi-Wan's lips was a rush of exhaled breath through tightly clenched teeth. _

            _Obviously frustrated with Obi-Wan's lack of response, the man brought the whip down against the boy's stomach four times with a vicious strength that had the boy's body convulsing. Blood seeped out through the gaping gashes in my Padawan's flesh and soaked through the already blood-stained tunic. The muscles in the boy's face were drawn tight with pain but he remained stoically silent._

            _'No,' I thought miserably, 'oh please, no.' My poor, brave, Padawan. Why didn't he stop this? All he had to do was fight back… _

            _"It will be much easier for you, my worthless Padawan, if you just give me what I want. Let go of your Jedi lessons, you don't deserve them. You never were worthy of being a Jedi, as I've told you from the very beginning. Yoda and the Council merely tolerate you out of sympathy, as does your precious Master Qui-Gon Jinn."_

            _'Don't believe him!' my heart cried, 'you're a magnificent Jedi and I am honored to call you my Padawan and friend. Don't believe him.' Who did this man think he was? How could he do this to a child? How could he do this to my Padawan? *My* Padawan?_

            _"Y-you may have s-stopped me from…telling the Council a-about you…b-but I'm not a little boy anymore and…I won't let myself be…fooled by your words," Obi-Wan stuttered out, trying to keep the fear and defeat from marring his voice._

            _My heart swelled with pride even as my mind feared the consequences of the boy's words. Would he enrage the man even further? Had he brought even more agony and pain onto himself?_

            _Another swift motion and flick of a wrist had the whip slashing against Obi-Wan's chest and shoulders, cutting into the already torn flesh it found there. This time the man didn't stop though, and the blows continued to rain down mercilessly against Obi-Wan's trembling body until I lost count of how many times the innocent boy had been hit._

            _My Padawan's face was contorted by agony and sweat poured from his skin to combine with the blood that oozed out from his many wounds. His entire body was shaking uncontrollably and he was beginning to sag forward towards the cold ground. Despite the pain the boy was enduring and the fear that was controlling his mind, he had yet to cry out once or plead for his attacker to stop. I had never felt more proud or horrified in my entire life._

            _The wicked man had moved from tearing up my Padawan's chest and stomach to cutting at his trembling arms. With horrifyingly accurate aim the man snagged the whip around the boy's tiny writs and then jerked back the weapon to tear off as much skin as possible. Then he moved around to stand on the other side of my poor Obi-Wan and did the same thing with his other wrist._

            _'Don't hurt him anymore! Haven't you done enough?' For how much longer was this going to continue? Couldn't the man see how much damage he was causing, both to the boy's body and mind? Why couldn't he just STOP!_

            _"It's a shame," the man said flexed the blood-stained whip in the air, "that your revered Master Qui-Gon Jinn hasn't come to save you yet. He must feel your pain through the bond you share and yet he doesn't care for you enough to come and rescue you. How does it feel, Obi-Wan, to know that your Master puts up with you out of a sense of pity and duty and nothing more? You risk so much to not cause him anymore pain and yet the man doesn't even care for you."_

            _'No! I do care for you! I'm sorry I didn't come! I'm so sorry, Obi-Wan!' What was he trying to do? Why was he doing this to Obi-Wan? The boy was so sensitive to people's opinions… This man had turned Obi-Wan into this! Two years ago, he had taken him as his Padawan and told him he was worthless and unworthy of being a Jedi. He had turned Obi-Wan into the sensitive boy I knew so well. He had taken Obi-Wan's self confidence and destroyed it. No wonder the boy was so reliant on my approval…_

            _Obi-Wan tormentor brought the whip searing against the boy's right arm and shoulder and then cackled again. "No matter. I have time. Perhaps he is just busy with more important things right now. He will come, eventually. Until then, my boy, I have you all to myself."_

            _"Qui-Gon's…not…c-coming...ever," Obi-Wan gasped out through trembling lips, "I…shut our…b-bond at…my…e-end."_

            _"What?" The man shrieked, suddenly furious. "You will pay for this, Obi-Wan Kenobi!" he roared, voice cracking in his rage, adding to the anger that filled it. Even as the words were leaving his lips, the man stepped forward and grabbed Obi-Wan by the tunic, holding him in place as he ruthlessly kicked Obi-Wan's blood-slickened stomach. My Padawan sagged against the man's hold on him but did not give his attacker the pleasure of crying out in pain. _

            _'Stop! Leave the boy alone!' I would have given anything in the galaxy to have switched places with Obi-Wan and taken the boy's pain away. I would have given anything to comfort the boy and hold him in my arms and apologize for not saving him from this._

            _Not through venting his insatiable anger, the man kicked him several more times in stomach and chest until Obi-Wan was wheezing and coughing. Laughing softly, the man brought the whip up in the air and sent it flying down against Obi-Wan's chest and shoulders, dragging a half-sob from the boy's lips._

            _The noise was soft, not a real cry but enough to send chills through me and make me want to cry. I had never seen Obi-Wan like this. Never seen him this afraid and it broke my heart._

            _Encouraged by the boy's reaction the man continued to beat him with the whip until his chest was nothing but a pool of blood covering the tattered remnants of Obi-Wan's shirt. Despite the tremors that wracked the boy's body and his obvious fear, my Padawan did not make another sound._

            _'You do your training proud but why didn't you just fight back? You should have told me about this…I swear I wouldn't have thought any less of you. I wouldn't have been ashamed. Why didn't you just tell me? I'm so sorry for not having seen this in you…' Would this torture never end?_

            _"Ha!" the man said, the anger draining from him suddenly, "it doesn't matter. I can use this to my advantage. The honorable Qui-Gon Jinn will never forgive himself for letting this happen to anyone, let alone someone under his care, and will no doubt be consumed by the guilt. No matter that he won't come, I will meet up with him later."_

            _The man had been waiting for me? No! No, it couldn't be. What did he want me for? Why had he done this to Obi-Wan because of me? Who was this man? How could he have hurt Obi-Wan so terribly if all he wanted was me?_

            _The man's cruel whip had stilled as he spoke and when he released his hold on Obi-Wan, the boy used his last shred of strength to remain in a kneeling position and not fall back to the ground. He glared at the man when, despite his terrible injuries, he managed to stay upright. _

            _The man laughed as he stared down at the bloodied form of the boy he had nearly killed and spoke in a taunting, hate filled voice. "Remember, my Padawan, that the Council will tell Qui-Gon Jinn if you go to them, for now that this has happened while he is your Master, they cannot classify it from him. So you had better keep your mouth shut because you wouldn't want to hurt your Master, you wouldn't want him to turn his back on you, now would you?"_

            _Obi-Wan didn't respond and the man shook his head and cackled, his loud, corrupted laughter echoing in my mind as the scene faded form around me… //_

            My eyes opened to take in the darkness of the night that surrounded me. In contrast to my own ragged breathing and racing heart, the waiting room was completely still and peaceful. I took a deep breath to calm myself and wiped the sweat off of my forehead with the back of my hand. 

            Another vision, this one horrifying and sickening. A knot had formed in my stomach and my heart and chest were tight with disgust. It had been a bitter torture to have to watch my Padawan endure so much pain. It was an even worse torture to know that the man had been after me the whole time…

            I had never known such guilt in my life. It overwhelmed my mind, coursed through my veins, and flooded my heart. This was my fault. This was all my fault. The man, whoever he was, wanted _me_. He wanted me. He didn't want Obi-Wan. He had tortured the boy because of _me_. I had failed my Padawan, failed him miserably. I had done so many things wrong to bring him this pain. I hadn't pressed him at breakfast. I had been too hard on him after his training session. He hadn't fought back because of me, because he didn't want me to know about the man. The man had hurt him because of me. Everything was my fault. Everything…

            "Master Jinn? Are you awake?" Alida whispered softly into the darkness of the room.

            "Yes, Alida," I said, immensely grateful to force my agonizing thoughts into the back of my mind. "How is Obi-Wan?"

            I could feel, rather than see, Alida's smile. "We have just removed him from the bacta and it looks like his wounds are almost completely healed. He is unconscious and he still has some bruises and minor welts, but he will make a complete recovery."

          Tears or pure joy flooded my eyes and rolled down my cheeks and I didn't even attempt to stop them. I didn't care if Alida sensed my unusual display of emotion. I didn't care if she thought me weak. I didn't care about anything except Obi-Wan. He was going to live and that was all that mattered. I had never felt so happy or relieved in my entire life.

TBC…


	6. Unexpected Hindrance

Hi everyone!  Thanks for the FB, I'm glad you guys liked the last part…there's just something about it that I don't like… Here's the next part…only four more to go!

**~ Part Six: Unexpected Hindrance ~**

**Qui-Gon:**

          "Can I see him?" I asked when I finally regained my composure enough to speak.

            "Of course," Alida said kindly, "now that he is out of immediate danger you can stay with him in his room."

            Out of immediate danger. If only that were true! My Padawan may have survived his brush with death but he was hardly out of danger. The man could come back at any time and I _still_ didn't know who he was. All I knew was that he wanted me and that I would not leave my Padawan's side until the man was behind bars. I would make up for what I had done by being there to protect the boy. "Thank you," I said softly, rousing myself from the reclining chair.

            I followed Alida back into Obi-Wan's room. The room was barely lit by a small light on the far side of the room but the dim light was enough for me. Obi-Wan was laying on a comfortable bed, safely nestled under a set of warm blankets that covered everything but his small head. 

            Obi-Wan's face was pale, but clean. The blood had been cleaned away and the red paths of sorrow that the boy's tears had left behind had faded. I breathed a small sigh of relief. He looked healthy, even peaceful.

            I slowly approached the bed and took a seat in the comfortable chair that Alida had no doubt thoughtfully left for me. She knew full well of my determined ways. I had spent many a quiet night by an unconscious or wounded Xanatos, waiting for him to heal enough to return to our quarters.

            "Now," the healer spoke, commanding my attention, "Obi-Wan may _look_ healthy, but his body is _very_ weak. We have stopped the internal bleeding and the bacta has mostly healed the physical wounds but his body is still recovering its strength. If he should experience any form of physical excursion before he is finished healing, it could be very dangerous to his recovery."

            I recognized the tone in her voice. I was well known for my insistent ways. I had taken Xanatos back to our quarters before the healers thought he was ready on many occasions. Alida was telling me that it was not an option with Obi-Wan. 

            "We had to leave Obi-Wan in the bacta tank for many hours, Master Jinn. Although bacta is a drug of healing, it can also cause damage to the body. More accurately, it is not the bacta itself that causes the damage, but the patient's own body. Once removed from the bacta after being immersed in it for so long the body can have negative reactions and go into shock."

            I looked up from my Padawan to meet the healer's eyes, "Shock?"

            "Yes. I will be down the hallway in my office, Master Jinn. Please push the red button on the small nightstand by his bed if his condition should change. As you know, bacta causes a person's heartbeat to slow. During the night your Padawan's heart rate may fluctuate slightly. That is not unusual. However, if it should become very fast _or_ very slow in short amount of time, that is a sign that the body is going into shock. Other things you should pay close attention to are his breathing. If he should start to wheeze or hyperventilate, you should summon me immediately. This is very important Master Jinn. I have him hooked up to monitors that transmit to my office, but sometimes it will take them a few seconds to pick up the changes."

            I nodded, glancing back down at Obi-Wan's small face. Force, what pain and terror he had experienced that I had never even known about… How could I not have sensed this in him? What sort of Master was I if I didn't sense such a deep uncertainty in my own Padawan?

            I became aware of the soft beeping of the EKG monitor for the first time since entering his room. "Thank you for all your help," I said, turning to look at an extremely tired-looking Alida, "you have no idea what it means to me."

            Alida smiled, "You need not thank me. The joy I sense in you is thanks enough. I am glad to have been of service to you," the healer hesitated momentarily before continuing, "Obi-Wan has a very noble heart, Master Jinn. When your places were reversed and he was the one staying up by your unconscious form he showed a strength and dedication very awing for one so young. You are lucky to have him as your Padawan."

            I smiled. "Yes I am, Alida. Thank you."

            Alida turned to leave but stopped short of the door and said, "Would you like me to contact Tahl and have her come in?"

            I shook my head, "No, thank you. She needs to rest. I will contact her in the morning."

            The healer nodded and left the room.

            I turned back to my apprentice. Reaching under the warm blankets I groped for his small hand and held it tightly in my own, intertwining his limp fingers with mine. 

            I reached down into my tunic and pulled out the small gold pendant that Obi-Wan had given me. Even in the darkness of the room it shone brightly. I had forgotten about it until now – forgotten to take comfort in the love my Padawan had put into it. In fact, I had forgotten about so many things. I had forgotten that even though my Padawan was unconscious, he was still with me. In my worry and anxiety I had let the lessons I had spent my entire life learning, slip away from me. I had been so worried that I had forgotten that this was the will of the Force. I was already so protective of the boy, what would happen during a mission if his life was put in danger and I had to take the good of the many into consideration? Would I be able to handle that? Would I be able to handle the situation it would put me in? I had to. I couldn't let feelings for the boy cloud my judgment nor could I let the mission obscure my feelings for the boy. I would have to find a balance, somehow. I balance that would let me be everything this boy needed and still focus on the mission.

            "Rest, Padawan," I whispered to him, "I will be here to watch over you, always."

~~~~~~~~~~

          A figure emerged out of the pool of cold darkness. Surrounded by a cloud of fog he approached, floating through the haze of night. A shiver ran through my body at the sheer amount of despair that I was sensing. This person was not evil, this person was scared.

            The dark cloud that hung about the figure slowly thinned and faded and I could not contain the gasp that fled my lips as my eyes registered who this person was. "Padawan?" I questioned, overjoyed and worried at the same time.

            "Master," the boy greeted me, the word tumbling forward from trembling lips. "Master, please help me!"

            I reached forward to touch the boy's cheek but he jerked away from me. "I'm here to help you, my Padawan," I assured him, "just tell me how."

            The boy shook his head, "You don't understand! I'm dying Master!" he cried, "You need to save me…please save me."

            Alarm warred at my heart, filling me with a deep sense of dread. "Dying?" I chocked out.

            "I can't breathe Master," he confessed pleadingly, "and my body feels like it's burning. Please help me! Call the healers, Master; you have to call the healers!"

            I brought my hand to the boy's forehead, his skin was warm, but no more so than it should have been and as for his breathing…it appeared to be quite calm and unlabored. "I do not understand, Obi-Wan, you seem fine to me."

            Obi-Wan met my gaze; his blue-green eyes seemed to plead with me. "No, you have to get the healers now!. Please, Master, before it's too late."

            I took the boy's hand and swept his small body up into my arms, "Just hold on, Padawan," I murmured, "I'll get you to the healers."

            "No, you don't' understand, Master," he insisted, "you need to call Master Alida, the monitors won't sound in time for her to come. You need to wake up, Master. Wake up now and call the healers."

            Wake up? My body froze but my mind catapulted ahead of me, racing with thoughts of terror and worry. I looked around where I was…expecting to see the familiarity of the Temple and instead finding…nothing. I was nowhere. It was standing in a pool of black night… How could I not have noticed before?

            "Wake up, Master," the boy repeated softly.

            The darkness fluctuated around me and from somewhere far away I could hear an urgent, piercing beeping. It was a soft sound and yet it carried with it the warning of a thousand trumpets. I strained my ears to hear it better and the sound grew louder and louder until it was a shrieking hiss in my ears. 

            Beep, beep, beep, beep… The beeping grew louder and closer together until it was nearly a shrill whistle, screaming at me of imminent doom and destruction. Beep, beep, beep… The cry filled my ears, so loud that it caused my head to pound and my blood to run cold. My heart rate increased dramatically, sending jolts of adrenaline through my body. Beep, beep, beep… the alarm continued to scream and with a jolt of something quite close to panic, I realized what it was.

            My eyes shot open, "Obi-Wan!" I yelled. 

            I lifted my head from the hard nightstand that I had somehow managed to rest it on after falling asleep, and looked at the unconscious boy before me. Under the covers I could see Obi-Wan's body convulsing. His arms and legs were shaking so violently that he was practically kicking the covers off of him. His face, so pale that his skin was almost completely white, was drenched in sweat that matted his hair down and dripped off to wet the bed…

            The EKG monitor was beeping so quickly that it sounded like Obi-Wan's heart was racing instead of beating. 

            I slammed my hand down hard against the red button on the nightstand, praying for Alida to come fast enough to save my Padawan.

            'Please,' I thought silently to myself, 'please don't take him from me. Not like this, not after we almost saved him. Please…'

            No, this couldn't be happening. The wounds had almost healed, Alida said, and he had looked almost healthy… Why was this happening? Why now? They had almost saved him; why was he going into shock? He hadn't even woken up! I hadn't been able to say anything to him! He couldn't join the Force without giving me the chance to apologize, to tell him how much he meant to me. He couldn't leave now!

            In the back of the mind I was aware of being pushed away from my Padawan's side so that the healers could examine him. Everything was a blur around me. Alida and the other healers were just distorted figures in my mind. All I could see was Obi-Wan and the way his body was shaking, making the bed rattle and creak under him.

            The healers' words were a jumble of voices, slow and fast, mixing together in my brain. "His heart rate is at 140 beats per minute and…" 

            "He's burning up…"

            "Grab his arms and legs I need to…" 

            "Hold him still!"

            "His heartbeat is still rising…"

            "Someone grab his arms!"

            The healers' voices were heard in a surreal way, in the back of my mind, but not registering in my thoughts. The panic in me was like nothing I had ever felt. My own heart was thudding angrily against my chest and my hands were shaking so uncontrollably that I had to clasp them together to stop the tremors.

            The bed was banging up against the wall with the intensity of the convulsions that were running through the boy's body. The Force rippled in waves of distress around me but I could only feel the boy through it and not our bond. He was so tightly closed off to me, I couldn't touch his mind, I couldn't comfort him. Couldn't do a thing to save him.

            'Please save him, oh please,' I pleaded into the depths of my own mind, but no one could hear me.

            "I need an injection of Merasene, _now_!"

            They had to save him; they had to bring him through. The beating of my heart was so loud that I could hear it, thudding loudly in my ears, sending tremors through my body. My breathing was harsh and heavy, mixing with the words of the healers around me, and creating a panicked mixture of sight, sound, and feeling for my mind to stumble on. 

            "Hold out his arm…"

            He couldn't leave me without knowing how sorry I was… This wasn't supposed to happen! I was supposed to be there when he was knighted, was supposed to cut his braid and watch his stand with me as an equal. It wasn't supposed to end like this.

            "Pulse?"

            He would make a great Jedi Knight, if he lived… And he had to live. He had to.

            "180 beats per minute!" 

            Force, what was wrong with him? Why was this happening to him? He didn't deserve this. He was just a child! A frightened child…

            'Padawan, please fight this, please come back to me…' I silently pleaded.

            I wouldn't lose him like this. Obi-Wan had to make it through, he had to...had to live.

            "His pulse is stabilizing!" 

            The storm of sound went dead silent as those words filtered through my brain; my heartbeat and breathing seemed to fade into quietness as I focused solely on the healers, standing around my Padawan's trembling form.

            "100 beats per minute…80…75…"

            'Please, just let him live'

            "His temperature is dropping back to normal."

            Through my clouded vision I could see Obi-Wan's convulsing subside to trembling and then, after a few more moments, his body stilled completely. His entire body was slick with sweat that drenched his medical clothes, but some of the color had returned to his face.

            I felt a slight touch on my arm and turned to see Alida. Her hair, usually worn up in a ponytail, was a mess, hanging in tangles about her shoulders. Sweat glistened on her forehead and her breathing was slightly irregular. She looked very tired and extremely relieved. "He's okay, Master Jinn," she assured me softly, taking and squeezing one of my hands.

            A wave of pure relief washed over me, soothing away my other worries with the beauty of its power. Obi-Wan was alive, nothing else mattered. I let out a long sigh of relief and smiled wearily at her, "Thank you so much," I said softly. I wanted to say so much more, but it would have to be enough. She had saved Obi-Wan's life twice, what could I say to thank her for that? I felt like I was floating, like nothing around me was real except for Obi-Wan. He would live!

            She shook her head, "The monitors would have taken another few seconds to go off, Master Jinn, if you hadn't summoned me when you did…" her voice trailed off but she didn't need to speak the words.

            I snorted softly, disgust blooming in my heart. "I did nothing. Obi-Wan owes me nothing and owes you his life. We are forever in your debt."

            Alida frowned, "Master Jinn, if you hadn't reacted as quickly as you had, we would have lost him."

            I shook my head. The only reason I had woken up was because of my dream. Obi-Wan had told me I needed to contact the healers. Although it was uncommon, a Master and Padawan could sometimes communicate to each other through their bond by using visions. The key part of that was 'through their bond'. Obi-Wan was still as tightly shielded from me as ever. It was impossible for him to have used the bond to warn me of the danger to his life. What had my dream been then, if not a vision from him? A warning from the Force? Whatever it was, it had saved my Padawan's life. If I hadn't woken up when I did… I shuddered at the thought and quickly banished it from my mind.

            "Master Jinn," I could tell by the tone of her voice she wanted to ask me something, "Forgive my curiosity, but…can you feel Obi-Wan though your bond?"

            "No, I cannot," I confessed, "he shut himself off from me during his attack. That's why I didn't find him until…he was already unconscious." I quickly buried the images of my Padawan, kneeling lifelessly in the garden, and focused my attention on Alida.

            "I feared as much," she said cryptically.

            I frowned, "Excuse me?"

            "Master Jinn," her voice was heavy with exhaustion, "what just happened to your Padawan was not him going into shock because of having spent so much time in the bacta tank."

            All thoughts of fatigue fled my mind at this and I met her gaze with my own demanding one, "What do you mean?"

            "Obi-Wan would have gone into shock hours ago. The danger of that faded long ago. This was something else. I do not know if you studied this as a Padawan but sometimes a distressed mind can inflict damage upon its body. If Obi-Wan was concerned enough, uncertain enough, scared enough, he could have done this to himself. Despite the fact that he is unconscious, that doesn't mean that his mind isn't active on a subconscious level. The amount of stress he is feeling, for whatever reason, may have cause his body to go into shock. Other such cases have been recorded. Sometimes a patient that is in a coma will experience such violent tremors as your Padawan did, but when medically examined no physical cause can be found. It is most likely that your Padawan will not even remember being so distressed that he transferred his emotional turmoil to his physical body; the thoughts and reaction were probably completely subconscious."

            "How do you know that that's what happened?" Could my Padawan truly be that troubled? Force, how could I not have seen this in him? How could he have hidden this terrible fear from me?

            "Well, the drug we injected into his system, Merasene, is usually used to calm the mind of the patient. It has no physical affects on the person, but changes his mentality for as long as it is in the person's system. Let's just say that it makes the person's problems fade from thought slightly by hazing his ability to think about them clearly. Obi-Wan will be all right for now. If he doesn't wake up soon I'll have to inject more of the drug into his system, just to make sure this doesn't happen again."

            "You mean that Obi-Wan stabilized because you prevented his subconscious mind from worrying about his problems?" I asked.

            "Essentially, yes."

            I returned my gaze to Obi-Wan's pale form. His own fear and anxiety had caused this. Who had attacked my Padawan that he was so afraid and traumatized that this had happened? Force, just what had this person done to my Padawan? 

            ~~~~~~~~~~

          "Qui-Gon?" Tahl's rested and relieved voice reached me from outside my haze of guilt-ridden thoughts. 

            "Hmm?" was my only response as I continued to stare at Obi-Wan's small face.

            "Qui-Gon, what's wrong? I heard the news, Alida told me. Obi-Wan's going to be all right."

            I scoffed, "Yes, he's going to be all right, no thanks to me."

            "Qui-Gon…"

            "Do you know my last words to him were?" I asked and continued before she could answer, "I told him that a third year initiate could have performed better than he had. At breakfast I _knew_ something was wrong but I didn't press him, I didn't sit down with him and convince him to tell me what was wrong. I was so hard on him just because he couldn't find his center. Now I know why he couldn't find his center. He knew that prisoner 19347-21192 escaped and he was scared. He was scared and I didn't even realize. Instead I told him his performance was disappointing. I left him there, Tahl. If I had walked back with him, like I usually do, then he wouldn't have been alone and none of this would have happened."

            "Qui-Gon," Tahl began but again I interrupted her.

            "He has nothing to thank me for–"

            "Qui-Gon, listen to me you insufferable man! Sometimes I think a herd of Banthas has to trample over you just to get your attention! You have a skull about as thick as a sheet of metallic durasel! No wonder you say you can't get anything right with Obi-Wan, you can't even shut up and think straight!"

            I stopped short and stared at Tahl, speechless.

            "Good," she said, sounding satisfied, "You can't do this to yourself. You had no idea that this man even existed and if he hadn't found Obi-Wan alone when he did, he would have waited and attacked the boy later."

            "No, he wouldn't have," I protested, "He's after me, Tahl. The only reason he hurt Obi-Wan was because of me."

            Tahl came to stand on the other side of Obi-Wan's bed I still refused to look at her. "How do you know that?

            "I had another vision. The man became furious when Obi-Wan said he had shut off our bond and that I wouldn't be coming for him. He said that he would meet up with me later."

            Tahl grew excited, "That means that this man is an enemy of yours!"

            I didn't answer.

            "That means that we might still have a chance to identify him without Obi-Wan's help! The Council has kept everything about how this man turned a secret. That means that they would have somehow accounted for his absence, either by saying he left the Order, went on a long term mission, or died. How many Jedi do you know that you haven't seen or heard anything about in the last two years?"

            "Tahl," my voice was weary and tired, "there are many Jedi I haven't heard anything about in the last two years. The Order is very large and there are many Knights and Masters."

            "I know that, but this would be someone who has a grudge against you. Maybe a rival from when you were Obi-Wan's age, or maybe someone else who wanted to become Master Daec-Mar's Padawan and became angry when he chose you."

            "I had several rivals when I was Obi-Wan's age, you know that. However, after time passed we saw passed our differences and where able to put them behind us. Jarend and I are good friends now and Amerielo and I have been on good terms ever since that mission when we were assigned to work together. Karelo was killed four years ago. Those were the only three rivals I had as an initiate. As for someone else wanting to become Master Daec-Mar's Padawan, I know of no such person. My Master went on so many missions that he hardly ever came to the Temple. None of my friends had heard of him until he chose me as his Padawan, not even you."

            "Then maybe it's someone who holds a grudge against Master Daec-Mar. Since your Master was killed two years ago they might feel that by hurting you they are getting revenge on him."

            "My Master was a very quiet boy, Tahl. He didn't have any rivals when he was younger and never made any enemies. He was very well liked by those who knew him. You know that, you and he were on friendly terms."

            During the silence that followed I could sense Tahl's confusion. "Wait…" she said, "you said you had another vision and that you learned that this…man…is really after you."

            I nodded and then caught myself, "Yes."

            "That doesn't make any sense, though. If this man is really after you than why did he abuse Obi-Wan two years ago? I can understand him wanting to hurt Obi-Wan now that he's your Padawan. You're the living proof of how much it hurts you to see your Padawan in pain. However, two years ago no one ever thought you'd even taken another Padawan and certainly no one knew that you'd take Obi-Wan. You had never even met the boy until a few weeks before his thirteenth birthday."

            I frowned, I hadn't even thought about that. "You're right," I agreed, looking at her for the first time, "it doesn't make any sense. Even if he _did_ know I was going to take Obi-Wan as my Padawan _I_ didn't know it. Hurting Obi-Wan two years ago wouldn't have affected because I didn't even know the boy."

            Tahl shook her head, "Think about it this way. If Obi-Wan had never come forward about being abused than he would most likely still be that man's Padawan and you probably would never have taken another apprentice after Xanatos. Obi-Wan's healed you, Qui-Gon, and if you had never met him than you'd be the same lost soul you were before you took him. You would never have moved on past Xanatos and that would be a form of revenge in and of itself."

            "Yes, I _suppose_ so, but this person would have to have the foresight of Yoda to even know I would eventually take Obi-Wan as my Padawan."

            "Or," Tahl said, "He would have had to be close to Yoda."

            "Are you saying that one of the Council members did this?"

            "No, of course not. The same people have been on the Council for the past five years. If one of them had suddenly disappeared the whole Order would have known. I was speaking of either a close friend of Yoda's or someone who is close to you so that he wouldn't look suspicious asking Yoda questions about you."

            "That makes sense in theory but if someone close to me had disappeared or gone on a long term mission two years ago, I would know."

            "This is so frustrating!" Tahl exclaimed.

            "We're going to have to wait for Obi-Wan to wake up," I stated, "surely now that I already know everything except the identity of his first Master he will not be so afraid to tell me the rest."

~~~~~~~~~~

          After a great deal of arguing, Tahl finally persuaded me to come out into the waiting room and have something to eat. It wasn't until she asked that I realized I hadn't eaten since lunchtime the day before. Tahl was also eating, since she didn't want to leave me alone, but we hadn't spoken a word. 

            "Master Jinn!" Alida called me excitedly, rushing into the waiting room.

            I set my trey of food on the chair next to mine and stood up, "What is it?" I asked.

            "Obi-Wan's awake," she said, smiling broadly.

            I rushed back down the hallway and into Obi-Wan's room, leaving my food and friend forgotten behind me. Hardly able to contain my joy and curiosity I hurried to my Padawan's side.

            At the sight of Obi-Wan's bright blue-green eyes taking in his surroundings my guilt and worry were momentarily forgotten in an engulfing wave of joy. "Obi-Wan," I said, sitting down on the chair next to his bed. "How do you feel, my Padawan?" I asked, smiling reassuringly at him.

            My Padawan looked weak and weary. His eyes were heavy and I could tell he had to struggle just to keep them open. He was tired, but didn't seem to be in any pain. There was something else in the boy, something more than physical tiredness. He was emotionally strained as well. Fear and uncertainty were weighing his mind down just as his recovering wounds weighed his body down.

            Obi-Wan didn't answer. Instead he lowered his head and kept his eyes focused on his hands. I didn't need our bond to feel his dread and anxiety.

            I frowned, "Obi-Wan? What's wrong, child?"

            My joy turned to unease when my Padawan still refused to answer my gentle questions. My stomach tightened and my heartbeat increased slightly when I felt the boy's anxiety turn to something close to panic.

            The boy was still afraid that the man would come back and hurt him. Seeking to reassure the teen I reached out and took his small hand in mine. "It's all right, Padawan, you're safe here. I promise. I know I wasn't there to protect you before but I am here now and I will not leave your side until I know that the man who did this to you is behind bars again."

            Far from calming my apprentice down, my words seem to heighten his panic for a look of horror crossed his face and he pulled his hand free from my grasp. "Obi-Wan?" I questioned gently, "What is wrong? You can tell me. Are you afraid that he'll come back for you?"

            Instead of answering, Obi-Wan turned his head to look at the other side of the bed, avoiding my gaze completely. His distress was hitting me in harsh waves and I longed to soothe his fears.

            "Obi-Wan," I began again, "if you tell me who did this to you than I can find him and send him back to prison, where he belongs. I promise that I won't let him hurt you again." I gently took the boy's chin in my hand and tried to turn his head towards me but he refused to move and I didn't want to hurt him. "If you think he'll become even more upset if you tell me and want to hurt you even more, don't be afraid, I won't leave your side until he's in custody."

            He didn't answer or move to look at me. His distress seemed to be growing with each passing second I looked down at his small hands. They were trembling. He was so scared.

            "Padawan, look at me," I spoke with a hint of steel in my voice, knowing that he wouldn't disobey me.

            Slowly, reluctantly, Obi-Wan turned to face me. His eyes were wide with fear and his lower lip was trembling slightly. "Please, tell me who did this to you, child."

            My Padawan shook his head. It was the first time he had responded to me at all. 

            "My Padawan," I began gently and stopped short when Obi-Wan flinched at my words. What was wrong? Did he think himself unworthy of being a Jedi and of being my apprentice? "Obi-Wan," I said softly, "I know that I am not your first Master, and I know that you were abused. If you are afraid that I will think less of you, rest assured that I do not. You are still my Padawan. Please, tell me who your first Master was, tell me who did this to you."

            Obi-Wan closed his eyes and shook his head slightly, fear and shame tightening his innocent features.

            "It doesn't make you unworthy of being a Jedi, Obi-Wan. That man who hurt you, the man who did this to you, is a sick sadistic man and I need to know who he is so that I can capture him. Please."

            The boy didn't open his eyes or acknowledge that I had spoken. 

            I sighed. What was the boy so afraid of? How could I make him see that I wasn't ashamed of him and that he could trust me? Should I tell him of my vision? Would it make any difference to him that I knew the man wanted me and not him?

            I reached out through our bond, somehow hoping that he had opened himself to me again, but found his shields as firmly in place as ever. "Obi-Wan, please open our bond."

            Another stricken look crossed the boy's face and he shook his head again.

          "Padawan," I said sternly, "open the bond."

          Obi-Wan opened his eyes and my heart broke to see the unshed tears that glistened in them. Slowly, with his hands trembling and fear falling off of him in waves, he shook his head no. Meeting my gaze for the first time since waking, his eyes spoke the words his voice would not. '_I can't Master, please forgive me_.'

TBC…


	7. Silenced by Fear

Hi everyone. =D  I just wanna thank you all for stinking with this story, even though I've been posting so inconsistently.  Whenever I start posting parts of a story, I try to post them on a regular basis but I've just been busy with school and writing (other SW stories!) that I'm afraid I've kinda sucked at doing that now.  I just wanna assure you, 'cause some of you have e-mailed me and asked, that yes, I **_AM_** done writing this story.  I wrote this last summer.  I don't post WIPs EVER…that's why I haven't started posting any of the other stories I'm in the middle of working on, even though there's like five (all of them longer stories).  

Thanks for the FB, I hope you enjoy this part. =)

**~ Part Seven: Silenced by Fear ~**

**Qui-Gon:**

          I didn't want to push the boy when he obviously wasn't ready to talk about what happened but I _needed_ to know the identity of the man who had hurt him. Adi Gallia and a group of other Jedi Knights and Masters had continued to run sweeps of the Temple but nothing unusual had been found. If Obi-Wan didn't tell me, or Yoda didn't come forward, how would we capture the man? 

            "Obi-Wan," I said very seriously, "you are my Padawan and are required to obey my orders. I am _ordering_ you to open your end of the bond and to tell me the name of the person who attacked you. I already know his birth name is Ram-Cead but I need you to tell me what his chosen name is."

            "Qui-Gon!" Tahl's vehement voice pierced my ears and I reluctantly turned to look at my friend. Tahl was standing a few feet behind my chair with a look of completely disbelief on her face. 

            "Yes?" I asked. Anyone other than Tahl, and perhaps Obi-Wan, would be lost to the annoyance behind my voice.

            "We need to talk _now_."

            I shook my head, "Tahl, Obi-Wan just–"

            "_Now_, Qui-Gon!" she practically spat out.

            Stifling a deep sigh I stood and prepared to follow Tahl out of the room. "Do not worry, Padawan, Tahl and I are just going to speak right outside the door. I will return in a moment."

            Obi-Wan didn't say or do anything to show that he had even heard me. If anything, he looked relieved that I was leaving. I tried not to let it hurt me, but it stung nonetheless.

            "What?" I asked Tahl in a low voice as I came to stand beside her in front of the door to Obi-Wan's room.

            "Just what do you think you're doing?" Tahl demanded crisply.

            I blinked. Was she angry with me? "I have no idea what you're talking about."

            "The boy! Qui-Gon, the boy! How can you feel so guilty about everything you didn't do to protect the boy and then go in there and order him to talk about something that's he's obviously terrified to tell you about?"

            "We need to know who the man is so that we can capture him, Tahl. Right now we don't even know what he looks like!"

            "I know that, Qui-Gon, and I want to capture this man just as much as you do but you can't force the boy to talk! The whole reason Yoda said he wouldn't tell you who the attacker was, is because Obi-Wan needs to tell you himself, to start the healing process. You now how much talking heals the soul, Qui-Gon. You have to let Obi-Wan come to you when he's _ready_. Until then, be patient with him. Show him how much he means to you. Assure him that he'll be your Padawan no matter what happens. If he was abused by this man that means his self-confidence has been seriously weakened. The boy trusts you, Qui-Gon, now you have to show him that that trust isn't misplaced."

            I opened my mouth to respond but Tahl cut me off, "Don't even think about arguing with me Qui-Gon, you _know_ that I'm right."

            Well, it seemed as if I had already committed another error with Obi-Wan. If things continued this way it'd be a wonder if I could train him for a year, let alone to knighthood. How would I have reacted if someone had _forced_ me to talk about Xanatos before I was ready? Granted, the situation was slightly different but the principle was the same. I couldn't force Obi-Wan to talk until he was ready and by trying to order him to do so I was not only being a bad Master, I was being a bad friend. When Cerasi was killed I hadn't forced the boy to speak. I was letting my worry for his safety cloud my judgment. "I know you're right, Tahl," I admitted softly. "I just want to know that Obi-Wan is going to be safe and the only way I can do that is if the man is in custody again. Force, Tahl, what is the boy so afraid of?"

            "I don't know, Qui-Gon. Maybe he's afraid of how you'll react to what he has to tell you. Maybe he's afraid that he'll hurt you or you'll be disgusted with him."

            "But I told him that I already know he was abused, why would he be so scared to tell me the name of the person who did this to him?"

            "I don't know. But in your vision you learned that this man is really after you. Maybe his fear has something to do with that."

            I looked back at the door to Obi-Wan's room, "I need to be with him now," I said softly.

            Tahl nodded and without saying another word, she turned and left.

            "Alida," I called the healer who was still inside with Obi-Wan.

            Alida appeared at the door a few seconds later, "Yes?"

            "Could you please give me some time alone with Obi-Wan?"

            "Of course, Master Jinn," she said and turned to walk towards her office.

            I took one long deep breath before I re-entered Obi-Wan's room and seated myself at his side yet again. Little had changed in my short absence. My Padawan still found his hands immensely fascinating and the dread in his young face hadn't vanished. If anything, it had increased.

            The boy was obviously afraid that I would make him talk. The best way to go about this was probably to avoid the subject of his attack completely. When he was ready, he would bring it up himself.

            "Obi-Wan," I said, trying to sound as gentle as possible, "are you hungry or thirsty? Would you like me to get you something to eat?"

            My Padawan looked startled and relieved at the same time. He was obviously surprised that I had dropped the subject of his attack and was thankful to not have to go against my orders. Obi-Wan nodded but did not speak.

            "I left some food in the waiting room. I was going to eat when you woke up. Would it be okay if I went to get it?" After an experience like the one he had suffered through it wouldn't surprise me if he was afraid to be left alone.

            Obi-Wan nodded again.

            It only took me a few moments to go and get my trey of food and bring it back to Obi-Wan and soon I was seated at his side again. "I'm sorry if it's not enough for you, Tahl brought it for me to eat," I said as I handed him the trey.

            My Padawan raised himself to a half-sitting half-laying-back position and gratefully took the trey from me. Instead of speaking he nodded his head in thanks.

            As I watched the boy wolf down the food hungrily I suddenly realized how much I had truly missed him. Not only had I missed the light in his eyes, his desire to learn, and noble heart, I had missed everything about him. From the way he smiled shyly when I complemented him to the way he practically swallowed his food down whole. I had missed everything.

            "I'm so glad to have you back, Obi-Wan," I said softly, "I missed you terribly and you'll never know how worried I was that you wouldn't make it."

            Obi-Wan froze in mid-chew and his expression was that of someone caught between being pleasantly surprised and completely horrified. My Padawan had always been very shy regarding receiving praise from me so I could understand his being surprised, but why was he horrified at my words? Was he afraid that once I found out the identity of his attacker that I wouldn't want him anymore? Who could this person be for Obi-Wan to fear that I'd do something like that? None of this made any sense! 

            I covered the boy's trembling hands with my own and gripped them tightly, "Shh, Obi-Wan," I soothed gently, "don't be afraid, child. I won't let him hurt you again, I promise you that." I wanted to say so much more. I wanted to tell him that no matter what he told me, he would still be my Padawan. I wanted to tell him that I had been worried out of my mind for him. I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me. I wanted to tell him so many things but so far all my comforting words had only served to increase his distress and I wouldn't knowingly frighten him for the entire universe. 

            Obi-Wan nodded but his discomfort did not ease. What could I do to make him feel better? Tahl had told me to show him how much he meant to me but I couldn't seem to do that without increasing his fear. Was it worth it? Would my words eventually break through his fear and ease him instead of increase his panic? I didn't know.

            My Padawan moved his hands out from under mine and swallowed the food he had held in mid-chew. As he moved to pick up a peace of bread I noted that his hands were still shaking.

            "Obi-Wan," I said, my voice soft and comforting, "I owe you an apology." 

            The boy continued to eat his food as if he hadn't heard be but I could feel a pulse of fear…and a ray of hope emerge in his heart. Hope and fear. Why was my Padawan feeling such conflicting emotions? All I wanted was the name of his attacker, why would that terrify him so? Yoda obviously knew, as well as the rest of the Council, so why was the boy so afraid of my finding out? In my vision the man had used me to ensure that the boy wouldn't speak. Why would my Padawan endure such agony just so that I wouldn't find out who the man was?

            "Yesterday," I began softly, staring at the boy's lowered face, "I was hard on you after our training session. As your Master it is my duty to be very demanding but being demanding and being cold are two different things. Your performance was very lacking but I understand that you can't possibly be centered and focused at all times. Serenity will come to you in time. You are a very gifted and able fighter and I am proud of the way your skills have been developing since we started training together on a daily basis. I let myself overreact and told you I was disappointed in you instead of reprimanding you and offering to help you find your center. I know that my words hurt you and for that I am sorry."

            I fell silent for a few moments and searched my Padawan's face. Although my words had had some affect on him his relief was so small that it was practically unnoticeable in his continuing wave of panic. Usually I was not one given to open praise but I could see that the boy needed it. He has lost his self-confidence and he needed to know that I believed in him, that I cared for him, that I would never let him go.

            "Please do not feel as if you are unworthy of being my Padawan," I said, deciding to tell him the things that I had regretted keeping to myself, "your battle skills are amazing for one so young, Obi-Wan, and your determination and loyalty do you credit. I am honored to be your Master and it will be a great privilege to help you learn to control your emotions better so that you can find your center with greater ease."

            I reached out with the Force to better gauge the boy's emotions. The shy gratitude he always felt upon receiving a complement from me was there but was hidden underneath layer upon layer of fear. I was reaching him. However little effect my words were having the important thing was that they _were_ having an effect – a positive one. "You will be a great Jedi Knight, Obi-Wan," I added, "never doubt that and never doubt your place at my side." 

            From the very beginning Obi-Wan had been the one who knew that we belonged together, that we were meant to be Master and Padawan, but sometimes I feared that he doubted his place with me _because_ of _my_ own uncertainty. Perhaps it was my own uncertainly that was making him uncertain about what he had to tell me. Maybe if I had made him seem more welcome in my life it would have given him reason to believe that I wouldn't throw him out for whatever it was he was afraid to tell me.

            My words were having a somewhat calming effect on the boy. Perhaps my apology had eased some of his fear that I would cast him from my side once I found out the identity of the attacker. My cold words to him after our training session has probably made him feel uncertain of his place at my side. It made sense now that I knew that he had been abused by his first Master. He was uncertain. Afraid that because of any minor infraction I would think him unworthy and drop him and I had heightened that belief without even realizing it. I truly had much to apologize for when this was all over but I would give him his confidence back. 

            "Did I tell you how much our conversation about Xanatos helped me, Padawan?" I asked, trying to entice a response from Obi-Wan as much as I was trying to gauge his reaction at the endearment.

            To my disappointment, Obi-Wan didn't respond but to my relief he didn't panic at hearing the word 'Padawan' spoken from my lips. 

            "You healed me, Padawan," I continued, my eyes never leaving his bent head, "you did what no one else could, not my Master, not Yoda, not even Tahl you…" I stopped short upon feeling the renewed waves of panic rolling off of Obi-Wan. All of the comfort my previous words had given him had just been ripped away.

            "Obi-Wan?" I question, worried, "What's wrong? Have I said something to upset you, child?" When he didn't answer I continued, "Padawan, please. If you don't tell me what I did to upset you I might do it again without realizing it." 

            "Is the mention of Xanatos, Obi-Wan? I'm sorry; I didn't think it would bother you." 

            This finally elicited a response from my Padawan. He shook his head, saying no to my question without speaking. If not Xanatos than what? I couldn't understand Obi-Wan's reaction. He had wanted to help me, why would the knowledge that he actually had cause him this fear? What had this man done to _my_ Padawan?

            What now, my mind demanded. What could I do to ease the boy's fear and get him to trust me? After my apology my words had calmed him, up until now. The only thing I could do was continue to talk to him. The question remained; what could I talk about that wouldn't frighten him? 

            "When I think about how much you've helped me I regret not taking you as my Padawan earlier. You're so far ahead of most of your age-mates that I'm sure you were ready to start going on missions when you eleven or twelve years old. I'm sorry you had to wait so long for me but I'm glad that you did." I noted with approval and a renewed sense of hope that Obi-Wan was occasionally stealing glances up at me. At least I was getting more reactions out of him. 

            "You've become the light in my life, Obi-Wan." I said, pouring my heart into the words I was speaking, "you're the reason I wake up everything morning and go to sleep looking forward to every day. The joy I get from watching you learn is amazing. We've only been working on rebuilding our bond for a little over a month and I already feel more joy in your training than I ever did with Xanatos. I thought…I thought that with Xanatos I had what I have with you, but I was wrong. You are what he pretended to be."

            Obi-Wan was openly staring at me now, hope filling his changeable eyes for the first time since he'd awakened. 'Hope of what?' my mind asked. 'Hope that I won't throw him from my side when he tells me who did this to him?' Why would he ever even fear that? Why was he so uncertain? _Who_ was this person?

            I reached out and cupped his cheek with the palm of my right hand. This time he didn't pull away from my touch. It wasn't much, but it was something. "You will heal from this, my Padawan," I said warmly, "I am not disappointed in you for not telling me. I trust you and that will never change. We will move on from this unbroken. I promise you." I grinned, suddenly remembering something that Mace Windu had told me, "I'm sure you'll be happy to know that the Council is going to lift your probation soon. We'll be able to go on missions again."

            Obi-Wan's eyes momentarily lit up but then he seemed to remember something for they faded back to a dull grey again. He was still worried about what he hadn't told me, about how I would react. Force, with the way he was acting about this I was beginning to think that his attacker was a Sith Lord.

            "Obi-Wan," I said, looking the boy directly in the eyes, "no matter what happens you will still be my Padawan. No matter what you tell me, you will still be my apprentice. It is important that you understand that. No matter what, I will not drop you. You can trust me."

            When my Padawan finally opened his mouth and spoke I had never felt so happy to hear anyone's voice in my entire life. "Oh, Master," Obi-Wan exclaimed, his voice rough and hoarse, "I do trust you! I just…you don't know. You don't know what it is that I have to tell you. Once you find out you'll–"

            My wave of joy at hearing my Padawan speak quickly dissipated as I registered what he was saying. "No!" I interrupted him, "No, my Padawan, I won't drop you. You will still be my Padawan. I promise. You know that we belong together."

            My Padawan gazed down at the trey of food in his lap, "It's not that I'm afraid that you'll drop me. I know that we're meant to be Master and Padawan. I think I may have always known."

            I dropped my hand from his cheek and instead intertwined my fingers with his, "Then what are you afraid of, child?"

            "I'm afraid that you'll change again. That you'll be like before. That…you'll start thinking I'm like Xanatos again." 

TBC…


	8. For Fear of Hurting You

Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm finally writing again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  For the longest time I had all these great ideas running through my head, but when I tried to write them…it didn't happen.  Now I'm writing again!!  And my story, "My Place is at Your Side" is coming along great!  Yay!!!  I'm so happy!!!

Anyway…I just had to share that with someone!!!

Okay, thanks for the FB and here's the next part.  I hope you like it, but I have to warn you that there is a lot of MUSH and…well, yeah…hopefully it doesn't seem too unrealistic…

**~ Part Eight: For Fear of Hurting You ~**

**Qui-Gon:**

          Obi-Wan shook his head and I was distressed to see tears glaze over his saddened eyes. "I don't want to hurt you," he said in a voice so miserable it tore at my heart.

            Hurt me? Where had this come from? Now the boy was afraid of _hurting_ me? Why? I had thought that the boy was uncertain of his place with me and that for some reason he thought I'd drop him upon finding out the identity of the man. I had never thought he'd be afraid of _hurting_ me. "Padawan," I said, "I know that the man is really after me. I…had a vision. I know that he hurt you to make me feel guilty. I'm afraid that he might do it again. Please…tell me who he is."

            I gently wiped away a tear as it flowed down my Padawan's cheek. "Please, my Padawan. Tell me."

            "Wh-when I was eleven," the boy started softly, holding onto my hand with a death grip that I didn't try to ease, "I was surprised when a Master…came to me and asked to see me spar. After the duel he asked me to be his Padawan. I…I accepted, of course. I was young to be chosen. I was too young to realize that I didn't have a bond with him. I…felt something wrong in the Force but I just…thought that it was about something else, something in the future. I was so…excited that I didn't notice Yoda's worry when my new Master and I told him of our decision. I didn't notice how he grudgingly accepted. I was just happy to be going on my first mission."

            When he fell silent I reached out and took his other hand in my free one. Squeezing both his hands tightly I encouraged him to continue. "This is hard, I know. I'm here for you."

            He smiled. A tremulous, scared smile, but a smile. "It was a complicated mission for them to send a new Master/Padawan team on but my Master was a very respected Jedi who had already successfully raised three Padawans to Knighthood," Obi-Wan gaze darted up to my eyes and then fell back down to our joined hands, "so I did not think it odd. The mission involved two planets, Xon and Zerus. They were having a dispute over who had the right to mine on a moon on an uninhabited planet nearby. The mission itself went fine. It was more or less easy for my Master to get them to sign an agreement where they both could mine on the moon. The problems didn't really start until the last night of the negotiations…" Obi-Wan's voice trailed off into silence.

            Instead of gently asking him to continue I waited for my Padawan to find the peace within himself to relive memories that were obviously very painful for him. "He came into my room and just started…hitting me. I was small for my age and he was a Master…I didn't dare try to fight him off. He beat me until I could barely stand and then, as he left my room, he told me that I was worthless…that I didn't deserve to be a Jedi…and that no Master would ever really want me."

            Anger stabbed at my heart but I quickly tamped it down and released it into the Force. I couldn't let myself become angry with this man, whoever he was. I had to fight him with light instead of darkness. I could control my anger but it was harder go control my outrage. How could this man have done something like that to my innocent Padawan? Because of me? Why?

            "We stayed there for four more nights and each night was the same. He'd come to my room and beat me, telling me over and over again that I wasn't good enough to be a Jedi. At first he just used his hands…but then he started coming in with a belt and…he used it to whip me on the back… He didn't tell me why he was doing it, he just keep saying I didn't deserve to be a Jedi. He told me it so often that I started to believe him… On the last night before coming back home he…came into my room and told me to kneel. I was scared of him…I didn't dare not obey for fear of making him even angrier. After I was kneeling he starting whipping me, using his belt. With every stroke of the belt he told me I was worthless, that no Master would ever want me, and that he was my only hope of staying a Jedi. He beat me for almost a half hour like that, always telling that I was unworthy with every strike. When we returned to the Temple he threatened me so that I wouldn't tell the Council. He said that if I turned him in he'd hurt my friends and I would never become a Jedi Knight. He scared me. I didn't want anything to happen to Bant, Reeft, or Garen but…but…I knew what he was doing wasn't right so I went anyway."

            I squeezed the boy's hand reassuringly, "That was a very brave thing for you to do, Obi-Wan."

            "As soon as the Council found out they sent me to the healers to get treated and went to take my Master into custody. He was sent to Perelious Prime after a small inquiry at which I testified. I didn't see him again until…the attack. Master Yoda knew why the man had abused me but he never told me…I don't know why…"

            I suppressed a sigh. How very like that little troll to meddle in everyone's business and keep things secret from people. How did someone so devious and…annoyingly bothersome…ever become so wise?

            "Everything about him was made classified and the Council put out a report that he had died while on a dangerous mission. Since my Master had trained three Padawan's to Knighthood the Council had no choice but so sever the lingering training bonds to make them all believe he was actually dead," the boy shot another tremulous look up at me, barely meeting my eyes before fixing his gaze back at the trey of food.

            "They didn't want anyone to know that he had turned. They didn't think it necessary to subject me to the rumors and so they kept everything hidden. Even from you. Yoda ordered me to see a Soul Healer who helped me heal and come to terms with what had happened to me. In the beginning I was very depressed but he helped me see that what happened wasn't my fault. Over time I realized that I wasn't worthless and that I _did_ deserve to be a Jedi, and I moved on. Or at least I thought I did. As the year passed and no one ever offered to take me as a Padawan Learner I…began to fear that he was right. I'm more insecure than I used to be…" he admitted softly, "but I thought that I had gotten over my fear of my ex-Master. I was wrong. I guess I never really moved on. I just told myself that I did. I hid it somewhere in the back of my mind and refused to let myself think about it. When he came back…it was like I was eleven again. I was so scared. I wanted to fight him but…but he said that the Council would tell you about him if I went to them again. I didn't want you to find out..."

            I subconsciously held my breath. The moment of revelation was at hand. Obi-Wan was going to tell me who his attacker – a sick minded man that didn't deserve to have been my Padawan's Master for even one day – was. Soon, I would know who he was and all of this would be over.

            "Master…" the boy said, his voice breaking from the amount of fear that swelled in his heart, "my first Master, was your Master. Master Daec-Mar."

            I froze, sure that I had heard wrong. Master Daec-Mar? _My_ Master? Impossible! My Master had been a good man, highly respected throughout the Jedi Order. Although we had never become very close he had always been very kind to me. He had been a good friend. My Padawan had to be mistaken… 

            I shook my head slightly, "But Obi-Wan, Master Daec-Mar was killed on a mission two years ago–" my voice cracked and died abruptly when the truth of what I was saying hit me. My Master was 'killed' on January 14th, the day before prisoner 19347-21192 was sent to Perelious Prime. 

            Now that I truly considered my Master as a suspect all the pieces fit together. Master Daec-Mar was born on Messos, the same planet that Obi-Wan's attacker was born on. The prisoner's birth name had been Ram-Cead, which was Daec-Mar reversed and spelled backwards. It would not have seemed strange for Master Daec-Mar, being my Master, to ask Yoda about me and find out that Obi-Wan and I were destined to be Master and Padawan. Master Daec-Mar had successfully raised three Padawan's to knighthood, myself and two others before me. 

            My mind reeled in confusion and hurt. Why? Why would my Master do this? What did he have against me? We had always gotten along so well…there was no reason for him to want to bring me pain and continual suffering by hurting Obi-Wan. My Master and I had never been close but I had trusted him, with my life on several occasions. Why would he do this to me? Why would he betray me like this?

            A cold feeling settled in the depths of my heart. Not again. Oh please, not again. A Master was supposed to be a gentle and caring guide to his Padawan, was supposed to help him get through the troubling waters of a confusing youth where one had no family or home other than the Temple. A Master was supposed to protect. A Master wasn't supposed to betray. Just like a Padawan, a Master was supposed to be loyal – faithful to the very end. Now I had both a Master and Padawan whom had betrayed me. Why? Why did I deserve this?

            I wanted it to be mistake. I wanted for Obi-Wan to be confused, but I knew it was true. My Master had betrayed me. My Master had almost killed my Padawan, my Obi-Wan. Not only had he nearly killed him, but he had nearly killed him in a terrible, sickeningly horrible way. He had beaten Obi-Wan with a whip. He had abused Obi-Wan. Because of me. Because he wanted revenge on me. But _why_? I had never done anything to him! This couldn't be happening! Why was he doing this? Why had be betrayed me? Why?

            "M-Master?" Obi-Wan's shaking voice penetrated through my thoughts. "Master…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you…I didn't want to hurt you… I didn't know that he was your Master! I swear I didn't. Not until…not until you were unconscious and Yoda was telling me that my father needed a blood transfusion. I asked him if your Master could help me and he told me that Master Daec-Mar had been killed. If we had been alone he would have told me the truth. I…I was going to tell…you, I wanted to. But then I found out that he was your Master and I didn't want to hurt you so I kept it a secret… I didn't think he'd ever escape. I'm sorry. Please don't push me away again…you mean so much to me…"

            Obi-Wan's voice served as the cold splash of water I needed to keep myself afloat before the despair I had felt at Xanatos' turning came to drown me. Obi-Wan was my Padawan. He cared for me and I cared for him. I couldn't let this come between us. I couldn't. Not like Xanatos had. Obi-Wan needed me as much as I needed him. He needed me to help him recover from this and I needed him to keep this from overwhelming me. With someone in my life, someone that depended on me, I had a reason to keep _living_. I wouldn't let myself get lost again, not with Obi-Wan counting on me. 

            Although it hurt, although the betrayal stung at my heart, opening a wound I thought had finally healed, I knew that in time it would heal. Wasn't that what I had told Obi-Wan about Cerasi and what he had in turn told me about Xanatos? That it would hurt but that if I accepted it, the hurt would eventually fade? I had to take my own advice, now twice returned to me, and not let myself sink into a pit of self-pity. I would do it for myself – and for Obi-Wan.

            I breathed deeply, letting the air flowing in and out of my lungs serve as a release for me, and reached out to the Force. Xanatos' stinging betrayal had taught me something. It had taught me that in order to truly heal from something you couldn't bury it and expect it to go away. You had to face what had happened, and accept it. Yes, it hurt. It hurt badly. I had trusted this man and he had nearly killed my Padawan, a boy who had never done anything to hurt him. He had been my Master. I had lived with him for over a decade. It hurt to think he could do something like this to me. It hurt to think he had turned. Mostly, it hurt because I cared for him and didn't want to see him get lost in the darkness of anger, like Xanatos had.

            I released my emotions into the Force. Something I had never been able to do when my apprentice turned, or even when Obi-Wan stayed behind on Melida/Daan. Much to my surprise, I found, upon examining my emotions that the empty feeling that I had felt when Xanatos had turned was not there. When my apprentice turned to the darkside I had felt lost is a storm of darkness, confused, alone, and terribly, terribly, hurt. My Master's betrayal hurt me, but it was different. Somehow it was different. Master Daec-Mar had trained me, and I had trusted him, so of course I felt an immeasurable amount of hurt and betrayal, but there was light in these feelings. There was a reason to live. Obi-Wan was my reason to make it through this. I had a purpose in my life and that kept me afloat when otherwise I would have drowned. Obi-Wan had saved me – twice. From Xanatos and now from my Master. 

            I focused my eyes on the trembling, pleading boy in front of me. Why was he apologizing? He hadn't done anything wrong. "Obi-Wan, child," I murmured as soon as I recovered from my shock enough to speak, "I do not understand. Why do you think that I'd push you away?"

            Obi-Wan glanced at me quickly, evidently surprised. "B-because of Xanatos, Master… I th-thought…I thought that y-you'd feel betrayed again. That you would stop trusting me…again. That you'd think I was going to b-betray you like Xanatos and…Master Daec-Mar did…"

            I closed my eyes, realization dawning on me suddenly. Of course. The first reason I refused to take Obi-Wan as my Padawan was because I was afraid to open up my heart and trust again. Then, even after taking the boy, I had closed myself off from him and waited for him to betray me. Once Obi-Wan found out that Master Daec-Mar had trained me to knighthood he had become afraid that if I ever found out what my Master had done to him, I would feel betrayed yet again and either push him away from my heart or…end his apprenticeship. 

            I understood his reaction. If our places were reversed I would most likely have felt the same way. I had been so cold towards him before Melida/Daan, what reason had I given him to believe that I wouldn't revert back to that behavior if something like this happened? 

            "You were afraid that I'd be afraid to trust again and that I'd push you away and everything would be like it was before Melida/Daan," I said softly.

            Obi-Wan had assumed I would take this betrayal like Xanatos'. He didn't realize that _he_ was keeping me from feeling the devastating sharp edge of a hurt so great words couldn't describe it. He didn't know how much I cared for and trusted him. I knew he would never hurt me. His obvious love for me was preventing this betrayal from hurting as much as it otherwise would have. Obi-Wan had healed me. If this had happened before I had met the boy, or if I had learned of Master Daec-Mar's actions before Melida/Daan, it would have added to a pain already too great to bear. Now the pain that had weighed on me so heavily before had been lifted because of Obi-Wan, and this betrayal couldn't and wouldn't hurt me as much as the boy feared. I wouldn't let it.

            The boy nodded, still refusing to meet my gaze. "I…know that we're meant to be Master and…Padawan but…I thought you'd push me away…again. I didn't…don't…want to see you hurt again. You've been through so much with Xanatos and…and I don't want to see you close yourself off again. You were so lonely when…when you took me as your Padawan and now…even though you're still haunted by it, you seem to be enjoying life again… I didn't want you to lose that enjoyment."

            A small lump formed in my throat. Oh Force. This was all my fault. The boy hadn't fought off his attacker because he didn't want me to find out that it was my own Master that was betraying me. He didn't want to hurt me. He didn't want to see me lose my trust again. "Do you mean to tell me that the reason you didn't fight back when the man attacked you was because you were afraid that knowing it was my Master would hurt _me_?" My voice trembled but I didn't care. The boy had done it for me as much as he had done it for himself. He had been afraid I would push him away but I sensed he was more afraid that I would become that lonely, cold, man, again and be haunted by another betrayal. He had let himself nearly be killed for me.

            "Yes, Master," the boy said brokenly.

            I didn't know that to say. What could I say to something like that? The boy had been willing to sacrifice his own life for me, again. He had endured the pain and fear so that I wouldn't be hurt. He…he was so loyal and now…now he was sitting here, shaking in fear, ready to be pushed away again. He thought I'd stop trusting him…

            "Obi-W…" I tried to say his name but my voice cracked harshly. He was so scared. I had to comfort him. I had to ease his pain. 

            I removed the trey of food from Obi-Wan's lap, carelessly setting it on the small table by his bed. Then I moved from my chair to sit on the side of his bed and offered him my arms.

            For what seemed like an eternity, Obi-Wan just stared at me in disbelief. He had expected me to close myself off from him. He had expected me to be disappointed in him yet again. He had expected me to lose my faith in him. He hadn't expected this.

            Slowly, hesitantly, the boy let himself be enfolded into my embrace. As soon as he leaned forward towards me I closed my arms around his trembling form and held him tightly. Seeking to give him every possible comfort that I could, I stroked his hair gently as I cradled him against my chest. "O-open the bond," I managed to choke out and tightened my arms slightly.

            After a moment of hesitation the shields that had been keeping me out of his mind crashed to the ground and I was flooded by his despair, fear, and a tiny flicker of relief and hope. I let myself bask in the warmth of having Obi-Wan back in my mind again and then hastened to send him wave upon wave of comfort, gratitude, and love. Everything is all right now, my Obi-Wan. Everything is all right. You are my light and I would never push you way. I will find Master Daec-Mar and he will be returned to prison. I will help you overcome your fear and uncertainly. You are safe with me, I used our bond to speak the words my mouth refused to form.

            Up until then Obi-Wan had remained half-stiff in my arms but upon hearing my words and feeling the overwhelming emotions I was sending him through the bond, he collapsed against me and clung to me tightly. Y-you're all right, Master? He asked tentatively.

            I closed my eyes and began to slowly rock him back and forth. Yes, Obi-Wan, I'm all right. With you here with me I know that I can let myself trust again. I will find out why Master Daec-Mar has done this and I will not let it affect me like Xanatos did. You have my word. There is no reason for you to be scared anymore. 

            I would have given anything to travel back in time and tell Obi-Wan this before the attack. He had suffered for nothing. He had been so scared about hurting me when in truth he was the one that would _prevent_ this betrayal from hurting as much as Xanatos' had. He was made of pure light and I knew he would never betray me. It would give me the strength to face the atrocious things that Master Daec-Mar had done without letting myself be consumed by the betrayal.

            Obi-Wan, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me for all the wrong that I have done you. Even after our conversation and…after I confided my feelings regarding Xanatos to you I…I still did you a grave injustice. I knew something was wrong when we had breakfast but I just let it go. I was too harsh with you and I made you question my commitment to you. If you had been more certain then you wouldn't have been so scared to tell me about Master Daec-Mar. We will be stronger for this, I know we will.

            No, Master, Obi-Wan said, certainty filling his voice for the first time since he had regained consciousness. No, what? No, he wouldn't forgive me? I tensed, waiting for the boy to continue. You're wrong, he said steadily, even if you had spoken to me at breakfast and even if you hadn't been so cold with me after our training session, I still would have been afraid to tell you. I still would have been afraid to hurt you.

            I released the breath I didn't realize I was holding. I would always feel guilty for the way I had treated Obi-Wan yesterday; acting so coldly even after promising to change, but I sensed the truth in his words. He truly wouldn't have come to me anyway. He might have been more certain about his place in my life but he still wouldn't have told me for fear that he would hurt me. Without even the blink of an eye he gave me the loyalty I had done nothing to deserve. I hurt you. 

            Yes, you did, came the boy's surprising reply.

            I stilled my hand and rested in on top of Obi-Wan's head, I'm sorry, I said simply.

            I know, he answered, nestling into my arms.

            Forgive me?

            I already have. he said sincerely, and I smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~

          As much as I may have wanted to sit there holding my precious Padawan for the rest of eternity I knew that we still had other issues to deal with. Master Daec-Mar had to be caught and sent back to prison. I had to find out why he wanted revenge on me. If I had done something to him wouldn't I know that I had done it? How could I have angered him so terribly without realizing it?

            I regretfully disengaged Obi-Wan from my embrace and settled him back down against the pillows on his bed. "I'm sorry, child," I said, "but I still have some questions I need ask you."

            Obi-Wan smiled slightly, "I know…Master."

            I took the boy's hand and held it over my heart, "Obi-Wan, I know that it's painful but I need for you to think very carefully and tell me anything you can remember that might help me determine why Master Daec-Mar would want revenge on me."

            "You don't know?" he asked.

            I shook my head, "No, I don't. I never realized he was angry with me. We parted on good terms, or so I thought."

            "I don't know _why_ he wants revenge but I do know why he was using me to get it," Obi-Wan said shyly, "when I was eleven he became my Master so that I would never become your Padawan. He knew that I would…heal you and we wanted to prevent that from happening. He wanted you to stay lost. He never wanted you to get over what happened to Xanatos."

            I raised my eyebrows, "How do you know?"

            My Padawan looked uncomfortable and he began to play with the bed sheets, winding them around the fingers of his other hand. 

            I squeezed the boy's hand and reached out to tilt his head up until he was looking at me again. "No matter what it is, you can tell me. I will not be disappointed in you. On the contrary, I am very proud. Your loyalty to me is humbling."

            He nodded, "A-after I realized that Master Daec-Mar was your Master I went to Yoda and asked him why he had done that to me. Yoda told me why he had used me to get his revenge on you, even though if things had worked the way he planned you never would have realized what he had done. He refused to tell me _why_ he wanted revenge, I don't know why."

            "You're sure you don't remember something that might help me?"

            The boy nodded, "Yes, Master. I am sure. I-I know that he was hoping to lure you to the gardens when he attacked me but then just settled for making you worry about me."

            "Well it worked, I'll give him that much," I remarked dryly. "I was worried for you, Padawan. I…was worried and guilty. I couldn't sleep well until I knew that you'd be all right."

            Obi-Wan blushed and looked back down at his lap.

            I smiled. I found Obi-Wan's uncertainly troubling but his shyness was somehow…endearing. He had always been shy around me but upon consideration I realized that he hadn't been uncertain until after realizing who Master Daec-Mar was. It was at that time that he became even more dependent on my approval and easier to hurt than he already had been before.

            "I'm going to contact Tahl and Yoda and have them come here. We need to put out a notice for Master Daec-Mar, and we need to have long conversation with Yoda. I want to know why my Master did this."

          The boy nodded. 

~~~~~~~~~~

          "Good to see that better you are, Obi-Wan," Master Yoda said upon entering Obi-Wan's room with Mace Windu at his side. "Worried about you we all were."

            "Thank you, Master Yoda," he said, pleased.

            "Where is Tahl?" I asked, noting that she wasn't with the Council members.

            "Told her to wait until we left I did. Talk to me I sense that you want to."

            I nodded, "We both want to talk to you. Obi-Wan told me who attacked him. I know that it was Master Daec-Mar." I said my Master's name almost defiantly, masking any hurt from my voice. I was still annoyed that Yoda had refused to tell me. I understood his reasons and agreed that Obi-Wan needed to heal, but if he had told me earlier than perhaps my Master would already be in custody and Obi-Wan and I could put this whole event behind us.

            "Glad that told your Master you finally did," Yoda directed his attention to my Padawan. "Hoped that you would come forward sooner I had."

            Obi-Wan's surprise trickled through our bond. It was good to be able to openly sense his emotions again without additional use of the Force. "I do not understand, Master Yoda. You and the Council always warned me not to tell Qui-Gon."

            I raised my eyebrows, "You told him not to tell me?" I asked, incredulous.

            Yoda thumped his gimmer stick loudly on the floor. "Said that I did not," he proclaimed, "advised you to wait I did. Misunderstood me you did."

            "Oh," the boy said softly, his dismay echoed in my mind. 

            I cleared my throat loudly, "Very well, Master Yoda. You refused to tell me it was Master Daec-Mar because you said that Obi-Wan needed to tell me himself. Obi-Wan has told me. Now will you tell me _why_ Master Daec-Mar is angry with me?"

            Yoda's ears drooped slightly, "Remember mission to Messos, do you?"

            I frowned. What did that have to do with anything? "Yes, of course. It was four or five years ago and the two kingdoms on the planet were on the verge of war. The young king of one of the kingdoms had started building villages in the other king's property. I went to the planet and after several sessions with both the kings the issue was supposedly resolved. That night the young king tried to murder the other king and I had no choice but to kill him. A new king was appointed for the kingdom and ever since then the two kingdoms have been at peace." It surprised me how I had outlined the mission without being asked to. Apparently some Padawan habits never died.

            Yoda nodded, "Indeed it was so. Something about that mission you do not know. The young king which forced to kill you were was Master Daec-Mar's only son. Foolish and reckless the young king was but loved him Daec-Mar did. Very distraught he became when found out what happened he did. Sensed that he would turn I did but overruled me the Council did and forced to leave him be I was."

            I shook my head in disbelief. Up until an hour ago I had thought that Master Daec-Mar had been killed on a mission and I never would have dreamed that he had turned to the darkside. Now I was learning so much about the man who had trained me that I was caught between being completely shocked, or totally horrified at my blindness. 

            Mace Windu stepped forward. I was surprised to note that his usual serene and emotionless face was clouded with guilt. "Daec-Mar asked Yoda many questions regarding you and Xanatos. He was very curious as to whether or not you would ever truly heal. Although Yoda refused to tell him anything I am afraid to admit that I was not so withholding. I did not believe what Yoda said. Daec-Mar was one of our top Masters. He had raised three Padawans and had a success rate on missions not topped by many. Yoda told me that you and Obi-Wan were destined to be Master and Padawan and that the boy would help you heal from the wounds Xanatos had caused you. When Daec-Mar asked me I thought that he was simply concerned for you. I told him what Yoda told me."

            Mace Windu turned his attention to Obi-Wan, "I am very sorry for the pain my error in judgment has caused you. If I had known that Daec-Mar would try and prevent Qui-Gon from ever even meeting you and that he would abuse you I never would have told him. I did not realize that Yoda was right until Daec-Mar took you as his Padawan, and by that time it was too late. We couldn't actually take Daec-Mar into custody for something he hadn't done yet and at that time he hadn't turned." Mace Windu smiled sadly and inclined his head to my Padawan, "I am very sorry, Obi-Wan," he said softly.

            I smiled at Obi-Wan's obvious surprise. Made Windu had always been very hard on Obi-Wan and the boy was very intimidated by him. To have the Council member apologizing to him awed him. "It is all right, Master Windu," he spoke formally; "I do not blame anyone for what happened."

            Mace Windu nodded, "Thank you."

            "When exactly did Master Daec-Mar turn to the darkside?" I directed the Council members' attention back to me again.

            "Began to turn as soon as discovered that killed his son you did," Yoda's voice was grave and regretful, "but turn completely he did not until hurt Obi-Wan he did."

            "I could feel the darkness in him," Obi-Wan said so softly I had to strain to hear him, "it scared me. I had never sensed something so evil."

            I squeezed the boy's hand, I'm so sorry you had to endure that just because of me. He had nothing against you, Obi-Wan. He hurt you because of me.

            As I told Mace Windu, I do not blame anyone for what happened. Least of all you, Master. He may have hurt me because of you but you didn't know. How can you be to blame for something you were unaware of? I do not blame you for it, Master.

            I sent the boy my gratitude through our bond, Thank you.

            "If it is all right with the two of you we are going to keep this information classified. Although Daec-Mar did a terrible thing we would like to preserve his good reputation and, of course, stop any rumors that may make Obi-Wan uncomfortable," Mace Windu spoke as soon as he sensed that my Padawan and I were not speaking telepathically anymore.

            I faced the boy, "It is up to you, Obi-Wan. Should we keep it classified or tell everyone what really happened?"

            Obi-Wan considered carefully before answering, "I think we should let people remember Master Daec-Mar as the good-hearted man we was before he turned."

            I smiled, pride rippling through me. Even after everything he had been through he still had the kindness in him to not want to ruin Master Daec-Mar. Despite his fear for the man, he still refused to fight him with darkness. "Very well," I allowed some of my pride to flow through our bond and my Padawan, as usual, blushed.

            "Is he still in the Temple?" I asked.

            "We don't know. We think that he snuck out as soon as he finished his attack on Obi-Wan," Mace Windu said.

            "Worry not about capturing him, Qui-Gon," Yoda advised me, "For return to the Temple he will. Revenge on you he still craves."

            I soothed the pulse of fear that erupted in my Padawan's heart with a touch of reassurance through our bond. "I will be ready for him when he comes," I vowed.

~~~~~~~~~~

          "What do you mean Obi-Wan's attacker is Master Daec-Mar?" Tahl exclaimed, "need I remind you that the man is _dead_?"

            I smiled, "I'm sorry, Tahl, I do not have time to explain everything to you right now. Please, just do as I tell you. Contact all the law enforcement centers on the planet and put out a warning about him. Make sure you inform them that he is very dangerous. I'm not sure if he has a lightsaber or not but I would hazard a guess that he has made himself a new one since escaping from the prison. Also, contact the Methos Prison Center and tell them that as soon as we capture him we will be sending him back to Perelious Prime."

            Tahl sighed dramatically and shook her head, "You owe me, Qui-Gon," she said and left the room.

            "Master?" Obi-Wan said, sounding tentative as usual. "Yoda said that he would come back here, so why are you bothering to have Tahl contact the law enforcement centers?"

            I smiled, "Just in case he's wrong. One never can be too careful when dealing with a Jedi who had turned to the darkside." Xanatos always had a back door, a way to achieve his means that no one had even considered until too late. I would not be surprised if my Master intended to lure me away from the Temple somehow. 

            "So you think he'll come back?" his voice was trembling again.

            I smiled reassuringly. "Yes, I do. I won't let him hurt you again, child."

            He nodded. I knew he trusted me but he was afraid and I couldn't really blame him. After everything he had been through with this man, I'd have been surprised if he wasn't afraid.

            "M-Master?" his uncertain, as always, voice sought to ask me a question.

            "Yes, Obi-Wan?" I asked, trying to imbue my voice with as much warmth as possible.

            "I-I don't understand why he's so…angry with you. You didn't know that it was his son and…and it doesn't…seem like something enough to make someone turn."

            I sighed heavily, "Indeed, Obi-Wan, it doesn't seem like enough to make someone turn to me either…but sometimes when someone has that darkness within him, no matter how well hidden or suppressed it is, something unarguably terrible can cause them to lose their sanity and simply…lose their control."

            "He was a good man, Master?"

            I nodded solemnly, feeling a sudden flash of raw pain in memory of my once kind Master. He had trained me, raised me, and now he was lost. Just like Xanatos. "Yes, child, before he turned he was a very good man…" I had lost two people to the darkness already; I would not lost Obi-Wan as well. Obi-Wan was a good person and he had one of purest hearts I had ever seen. Obi-Wan made Xanatos and Master Daec-Mar worth everything, even the pain.

            "I'm sorry," the boy offered, trying to comfort me for what he thought I saw as another devastating betrayal.

            "I know you are, but you musn't worry, Obi-Wan. I will not let this effect me like I did with Xanatos. Your concern for my wellbeing touches me deeply, but I assure you that I will _not_ make your fears founded."

            "Good," a slight smile tilted up the corners of his mouth.

            I smiled as well, relieved to see Obi-Wan's joy.

~~~~~~~~~~

          The tremors started suddenly, attacking my Padawan in a fit of furry within the passing of a second. In that passing second his heart rate increased, his breathing quickened, and beads of sweat formed on his shaking forehead. 

            Obi-Wan was having a nightmare.

            My Padawan had awoken from unconsciousness extremely tired and fatigued. I had taken note of it upon first seeing him but subsequently forgotten his weariness in the events that followed. First, trying to get Obi-Wan to talk to me, then waiting for him to tell him the identity of his attacker, coming to terms with the fact that it was Master Daec-Mar, and finally speaking with Yoda and Mace Windu. He had tried to stay awake as long as possible, but three hours ago I had finally noticed that he was on the verge of complete exhaustion. I could have slapped myself for having ignored it before. He had slept well, undisturbed and peacefully for the entire time, until now.

            Through our now open bond I could feel his fear as if it were my own and was able to catch glimpses of the boy's dream. The images were blurred and difficult to interpret but I could see enough to understand what was going on. 

            Obi-Wan was on the floor, desperately trying to get away from a viciously angry Master Daec-Mar who held a long, coiling whip in his hands. The whip was black and instead of being smooth, was rough and abraded, tearing cruelly at the boy's skin as it fell upon his shoulders and stomach. I could feel the boy's pain, cutting and tearing at his chest, trying to overwhelm his mind.

            "No one will ever want you," Master Daec-Mar hissed angrily, flinging the whip against the boy's chest harshly, making sure to tear as much skin as possible. "You're worthless, pathetic…"

            My Padawan scrambled back on the floor, bringing his arms up, instinctively trying to block the falling whip. The weapon tangled around his wrists, catching on the long sleeves that hung about his hands…

            "Please…" my Padawan murmured in his sleep, thrashing his arms up against the covers, trying to free his hands from the whip in his dream, the whip that tore at his flesh and sent streaks of pain through his system.

            I grabbed the boy's flaying arms in my hands, not with enough strength to hurt him but so that he couldn't jerk them free from my grasp. "Padawan!" I tried to wake him up, "Obi-Wan, wake up!"

            Caught up in the jagged claws of the dream, Obi-Wan couldn't hear me. "Please, stop…" he mumbled, struggling to free himself from my grasp. 

            I reached out to the boy along our bond, trying to draw him away from the nightmare that gripped him so terribly. Padawan, I said gently, it's all right. You're dreaming. Please wake up, Obi-Wan, you need to wake up now.

            For a few more brief moments Obi-Wan continued to try and break free from my grip but then his mind seemed to register my voice. Master? he questioned softly.

            Yes, child, you're dreaming. Please wake up now.

            Obi-Wan's arms went limp against his body and after shaking his head restlessly from side to side three times, the boy's eyes fluttered open. "Master…" he sighed out softly, a flush coloring his pale cheeks.

            I released his wrists and gently settled my hand on his chest, "Yes, Obi-Wan," I spoke softly and as gently as I could.

            "I dreamt about him, Master," his voice broke slightly and the sadness in it was enough to send shards of ice through my heart.

            "I know," I answered softly. There would be a time when Obi-Wan would have to examine his memories and come to terms with them, but that time was not now. He needed rest. Peaceful rest.

            "C-can I stay up now, Master?" he asked.

            I shook my head. Obi-Wan needed to regain his strength. As much as I wanted to grant him his request, I knew I could not. He was exhausted. "I'm sorry, Padawan, but no. You need to regain your strength and you will not do that by staying awake for the rest of your life."

            Obi-Wan nodded, sighing regretfully. "Will you wake me if I have another nightmare?"

            I tugged on his bread lightly, "You will not have another nightmare, Obi-Wan. I will watch over you, and keep the bad dreams at bay."

            I worked my way subtly into the boy's mind, sending sleep suggestions into his tired body and implanting gentle warmth for him to dream of instead of the terrible memories that had haunted him before.

            "Thank you, Mast…" my Padawan's voice trailed off as his eyes drifted shut. A moment later he was asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

          "Master Jinn?" Alida called softly from the doorway of Obi-Wan's room.

            I smiled at Obi-Wan slightly before turning my attention to the healer, "Yes, Alida?"

            "A 'Ram-Cead' is waiting to talk to you on the holocom, he says it's urgent."

            Obi-Wan glanced at me worriedly. Ram-Cead was Master Daec-Mar's birth name.

            "Would you like me to bring in the portable holocom?" she asked.

            I stared deeply into my Padawan's troubled eyes. I knew he didn't want to see Master Daec-Mar right now but I didn't want to leave his side. The boy was clearly frightened though. I couldn't subject him to something that would potentially add to his terror. He was so young. Too young to have to deal with something like this. "Obi-Wan," I spoke slowly and softly, emphasizing each word, "Would it be all right if I spoke to him here or would you feel more comfortable if I left you alone for a few minutes to go see what he wants?"

            I could sense the battle inside my young apprentice. He wanted to be strong and face his fears but the thought of seeing the man who had nearly killed him terrified him. Yet, I could feel his reluctance to let me leave his side. He was so insecure. Master Daec-Mar had done this to him. I had read the reports on Obi-Wan. Prior to the age of eleven he had been a confident, outgoing young initiate but now…now he needed my approval to make him feel worthy. "I…I, I don't want to see him yet," he stammered, not meeting my eyes.

            I lifted his head until he was forced to look at me, "Do not be ashamed, my Padawan. When this is all over I will help you to overcome your fear. We _will_ become stronger for this. You'll see."

            "Yes, Master," he spoke the two words so softly that I almost didn't realize he was talking until I saw his lips move.

            "I'll be right back, and if you need me I won't be faraway, just call and I will come."

            I let go of Obi-Wan's chin and raised myself from his bed, "Where is your holocom?" I asked Alida.

            "It's in my office, please follow me," Alida replied, gesturing for me to walk behind her.

            I followed at Alida's heels as she led me to her office and showed me where the holocom was. "He's waiting on line one," she said, "Tell me when you're finished."

            I waited until after Alida left the room to activate the holocom. A few moments later an image flickered on before me, showing the half-transparent figure of my Master. Master Daec-Mar was greatly changed from the way I remembered him. His soft, kind face had been replaced by a hard mask and his usually glittering blue eyes had darkened to a midnight black. His cold gaze bore deeply into my soul, as if seeking to destroy me with the sheer hate it held. Master Daec-Mar's hair was now shoulder-length and the black locks hung loosely around his broad shoulders, giving him a half-savage look. A dark robe hid his body within the folds of its night-black cloth. 

            "Master Jinn," Master Daec-Mar spoke in a coldly formal voice that sent chills down my spine, "as you took my son from me five years ago I will take your Padawan from you today. He was the only family I had. He was my light and without him all I have is darkness. In turn for what you have done to me I will take away your light and leave you with the darkness of your own soul."

            Now that I knew that Obi-Wan's attacker was my Master, I could recognize his voice. It was not the same as when last I had spoken to him, no, it had changed dramatically. His voice had been soft and gentle but now it was rough and filled with the anger that had overwhelmed his soul. It was think with hatred…and darkness. I shuddered.

            My heart rate rose to a steady pounding and my breathing became slightly irregular. He wasn't done with Obi-Wan. He was going to try and hurt my Padawan again. After everything the boy had already been through I didn't want to subject him to more, but the safest thing for Obi-Wan would be to take him into hiding somewhere away from the Temple where he would be safe until Master Daec-Mar was caught. 

            I cleared my throat, "Leave Obi-Wan out of this. He has never done anything to you. If you want revenge on me then let us meet somewhere to discuss this."

            Master Daec-Mar continued as if I hadn't spoken, "You were falling, Qui-Gon. After Xanatos turned you lost your joy and trust and I did everything in my power to keep it that way. It seems I wasn't able to prevent you from meeting your precious Padawan, but once I remove him from your life forever you'll be left with nothing but pain and darkness, just like me."

            I shook my head, "I didn't know that he was your son, I didn't kill him on purpose he–"

            "I hope you enjoyed your last few moments with him for I assure you that you will never spend anymore together."

            "What are–?"

            Master Daec-Mar continued to ignore my remarks, almost as if he hadn't heard them… He had said that he hoped I 'enjoyed' my last moments with Obi-Wan…almost as if they had already past… And he hadn't responded to anything I had said…in fact, not only had he interrupted me, he hadn't even paused to hear my words… It was as if it was…a recording! 

            Realization dawned on me in a wave of horror. Master Daec-Mar had programmed a recording to activate as soon as I had turned on the holocom. He had programmed the recording to talk to Alida, then deactivate until I came in her place. 'I hope you enjoyed your last few moments with him…'

            Obi-Wan! I had left him alone and Master Daec-Mar had said he hoped I 'enjoyed' our last moments together because they had already past. He had done something to my Padawan and I hadn't even felt it!

            I turned and rushed out of Alida's office and nearly tripped when I had to side step to avoid the very surprised Master Healer. "Master Jinn?" Alida called after me but I ignored her.

            It only took a few moments to reach Obi-Wan's room but it seemed more like an eternity. By the time I rushed through the open door I already knew it was too late. I had failed Obi-Wan yet again.

            I came to a halt a few feet from Obi-Wan's empty bed. My breathing was heavy and my heart pounded up against my chest but I ignored both things. Obi-Wan was gone. Master Daec-Mar had distracted me and I had let him take my Padawan. I had promised Obi-Wan that I wouldn't let Master Daec-Mar hurt him but I had let him down – again.

TBC…

Only two parts left! =)


	9. Black Bladed 'Saber

Hi everyone!  Thanks sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for the FB, I appreciate it and I'm glad that you like the story. =D  Since part nine is really long – almost twenty pages and twice as long as the other parts – I'm gonna divide it up and divide it into sections, like I did when I originally posted it a few months ago.  Here's the first section of the part, I hope you enjoy it!

_~ Part Nine: Black Bladed 'Saber~_

**Qui-Gon:**

"Where's Obi-Wan?" Alida asked as she rushed into the room after me, "he really shouldn't be walking around yet. He's recovering very well but he should stay in bed for another couple of days to regain his strength and let his wounds completely heal."

I shook my head, "He's gone. It was a distraction. He used a recording on the holocom to distract me while he kidnapped Obi-Wan."

"What?" she exclaimed, clearly alarmed, "He was kidnapped? By who?"

"By the same man who attacked him."

I leaned over Obi-Wan's bed and held my head in my hands for a few moments, trying to calm my worry. What if I couldn't find Obi-Wan in time? If something happened to the boy now, after I had promised to protect him, I would never forgive myself. What Master Daec-Mar going to do with him? Would he kill him? Torture him? Use him as bait? Sadly, I feared it was all three.

I took several deep breaths to control my worry and forced myself to think clearly. _How_ had Master Daec-Mar captured Obi-Wan? How had he snuck into the Temple unnoticed _again_? I hadn't been gone for long, how had he gotten in and out so fast?

Almost afraid of what I would find, I reached out through my bond with Obi-Wan. At first I was nearly overwhelmed with the amount of sheer fear but after I managed to reach past it I felt that my Padawan was conscious and unhurt. I was relieved, yes, but concerned also. How had Master Daec-Mar captured Obi-Wan if he hadn't knocked him out? Obi-Wan was afraid of him, yes, but I knew that he would have fought him off or at least called for help. I had felt nothing through our bond.

"Alida?" I asked softly, straightened my form and determinedly squaring my shoulders, "do you have any drugs in here that would render a person unable to move but would keep them conscious?"

I could feel the healer's confusion and hear it in her answer, "Yes, of course, Master Jinn. Rantrax is one of the most common drugs that produces that result. We often use it when we have to keep a patient conscious but need to stop them from struggling."

"Is it an injection and do you have any here, in Obi-Wan's room?"

"Yes, it's an injection. And yes, we keep some in every intensive care room, in case we should need it. We didn't use any on Obi-Wan though."

No, Alida hadn't given Obi-Wan any but I would bet that Master Daec-Mar had. My Master was a very versatile man with many hidden talents. Medicine was one of them. As a Padawan he had often volunteered to help the healers when he and his Master weren't on missions. He had probably used some sort of drug to keep Obi-Wan from struggling or crying out. 

"Would that drug also weaken someone's connection to the Force?" I asked.

"It depends on how much you give the person. If the dosage is high enough it will cloud someone's ability to think enough so that they'd be unable to use the Force. Master Jinn, why are you asking about this? Shouldn't we contact the Council and have them start a search for this man?"

"Yes, of course," I replied almost complacently. There was no way they'd find Obi-Wan. Master Daec-Mar had no doubt taken my Padawan to a place where only I would find him, either because of my relationship with my Master, or my bond with the boy.

"Alida, would you please go and find Tahl and Adi Gallia and have them meet me here with a team of Masters to assist in the search?"

The healer seemed surprised but immediately nodded and left to do as I had bid her. It would have simply been easier to contact Tahl but I wanted to get Alida out of the room. If I knew my Master as well as I thought I did, Obi-Wan was much closer than the others would suspect. Of course, I had never thought my Master would turn to the darkside, which left the question of how well I really knew him.

I knew from experience that Daec-Mar liked to hide right under everyone's noses. In other words, he liked to hide as close as possible to the people he was hiding from. My Master had probably never gone too far from the Temple. Just far enough to avoid being found. Now that he had Obi-Wan he had to be nearby. The question was, _how_ nearby was he? Obviously nearby enough to have kidnapped my Padawan in an extremely short window of time. Nearby enough so no one had seen him enter the healers or leave with Obi-Wan…

My mind staggered over a sudden childhood memory. As initiates we had often heard rumors about their being secret passageways in the Temple and an underground cavern underneath it. Was it possible that these rumored tunnels actually existed? If Master Daec-Mar knew about them it would make it all the more simple for him to sneak in and out of the Temple unnoticed and to kidnap Obi-Wan. What if there was a secret chamber hidden in this room? That would explain how Master Daec-Mar had abducted him so quickly…

I glanced around the room. I had to act quickly before Alida returned. The other Masters would insist on conducting a thorough search of the Temple but I already knew that my Master wouldn't be found within these walls. My heart and the Force were telling me I was right. There was a secret passageway that lead out of this room and I was going to find it.

My bond surged with emotion. I could feel Obi-Wan valiantly trying to fight off his terror and release it into the Force. Unfortunately, he was hindered by a slightly clouded mind. I was right. Master Daec-Mar had injected him with a drug to prevent any struggle on my Padawan's part. Obi-Wan's ability to use the Force was mired but his ability to feel emotions I sent him through our bond was not.

Padawan, I soothed softly, infusing my voice and our bond with support and faith, It is all right. I am coming for you. I know that you're afraid but there is no need to be. It is your own fear that lets him hurt you emotionally. Despite whatever physical pain he inflicts upon you, you must not let him dominate your soul. Fight him, Obi-Wan. You are strong and I know you have the strength to not give in. Don't believe what he tells you. Forget the frightened eleven year old boy that has returned to consume you, fight him with who you are now. Don't let him intimidate you. I could feel Obi-Wan's gratitude and a renewed belief in himself emerge amongst the fear in his heart, I believe in you, Padawan, my words were firm and backed up by my pride in him. Obi-Wan would overcome this, I knew.

I waited long enough to feel Obi-Wan's answering determination before focusing instead on the Force. The Force was everywhere and in everything and if I could clear my mind I knew that it would guide me. I let go of all my worries and guilt and felt only the beauty of the Force.

The air around me was alive and buzzing with the Force, whispering to me and showing me what I needed. There was a hidden corridor that ran behind the wall that the small bed was pushed up against. The entrance was in the empty space to the left of the bed. To open it all I had to do was push against a small indent in the wall…

I withdrew from my light trance and quickly came to stand in front of the wall that held the entrance. Scouring the light blue tiles with my eyes I found the small indent and pressed the tip of my thumb against it. At first there was nothing but then a soft grinding sound came from within the walls and some of the panels shifted to reveal a small door.

"Yes, Master Jinn asked me to come and get the two of you. Apparently the man who attacked Obi-Wan managed to somehow kidnap him when Master Jinn was speaking to someone over the holocom. He's waiting for you in Obi-Wan's room," I drew in my breath rapidly upon hearing Alida's voice and froze in place. She was just down the hall with Tahl and Adi Gallia in tow; they would be here in a few moments.

I hurriedly ducked down into the doorway and moved to my side so that I would have enough room to side steep through. They were just a few feet away from the door… I shot a an almost frantic glance around the dark hallway that I had entered and saw a small handle sticking out of the wall. I grabbed the handle and pulled it forward. The door slid shut just before Alida, Tahl, and Adi Gallia stepped into the room.

I pressed my ear against the cold tiles of the wall to hear what the three women were saying. Their words were slightly muffled but I could still understand them.

"I thought you said that Qui-Gon was waiting for us here?" Tahl asked.

"That is what he said. I do not know where he could have gone unless he found out where the kidnapper took Obi-Wan and went to rescue him by himself," Alida calmly answered.

"Knowing Qui-Gon, that would not surprise me," my friend muttered.

It wasn't that I didn't want or think I needed help, it just didn't feel right. It didn't feel right to bring anyone with me when Master Daec-Mar was after _me_ and held no grudge against anyone else at the Temple. If my Master was to be stopped, I would be the one to stop him.

I leaned back and shot a look around me. It was very dark in the hallway and it took a few moments for my eyes to adjust to the lack of light enough for me to vaguely see. The passageway was very small. Although the ceiling was well above my head the hallway was only about two feet wide – not very good for dragging or carrying a body. Of course Obi-Wan was only thirteen and still small…

The hallway branched off to either side. One side would probably lead to other parts of the Temple, and the other would go underground, assuming the 'stories' were correct. I pictured Obi-Wan's room. The door led to a hallway with other intensive care rooms. If you followed the hallway you'd be in the waiting room. From where I was that was to my right. The Healers' Ward was on the first floor of the Temple, in the center of everything. Therefore it made sense that the left passageway would lead me underground. 

I turned to my left and started edging down the narrow hallway half sideways to avoid banging into the walls. Once I got used to the sideways walking movement I quickened my pace to a jog and it wasn't long before the floor began to slant downwards, indicating that I _was_ being lead underground.

I reached out through my bond with Obi-Wan to see how the boy was doing. Although I was still hit with a thick wave of terror I could feel him calming himself and starting to control his fear. He was resisting Master Daec-Mar. Perhaps not physically, but at least emotionally. Yes, Obi-Wan was strong and he would recover from this.

I am on my way, Obi-Wan. You are doing well. Keep fighting him. Everything will be all right, child, I sent him my voice along with a wave of warmth.

Obi-Wan's mind was still clouded from the drug that Master Daec-Mar had injected into him but this time he was able to send me a muffled response. …Master…he…waiting….you.

I frowned, trying to make sense of his half-lost message, He's waiting for me, child? I asked Obi-Wan.

Yes...Master.

Good. I will be there shortly, Obi-Wan, be brave.

I shifted our bond to the back of my mind so that I could concentrate on the moment. Obi-Wan was all right, now what mattered was getting to him in time so that it stayed that way. I quickened my steps. The less time the boy was alone with Master Daec-Mar, the better.

A flash of pain erupted over my senses, blinding me for a moment and making me slightly dizzy. My head throbbed painfully and the hallway was wavering. I stilled my steps and blinked several times until the pain in my head eased slightly and I could see again. What happened?

_I_ was fine. The pain had been through my bond with Obi-Wan. I tentatively reached back out to touch the boy's mind. Master Daec-Mar was beating him. I couldn't tell with what but I could feel the strips of pain as if they were my own. A path of fire flamed down my back and pain consumed my head. I wasn't going to be able to leave my link with Obi-Wan completely open. The physical pain I could handle but the effect it was having on my head was something else. The boy's pain was somehow being magnified in my mind and overloading my thoughts. It had to be a result of my strong bond with the boy. Nothing like this had ever happened with Xanatos. I had to be close to them now for the pain to feel this strong to me.

Obi-Wan, I soothed the hurting boy, I'm almost there. Remember, Master Daec-Mar is a sick, sadistic, man who has been consumed by the darkness. You have done nothing wrong, child. Please believe that.

Obi-Wan didn't answer but I knew that he had heard me.

Regretfully I withdrew from Obi-Wan's mind. I wanted for my presence to bring him comfort but if I left our link this open I would never make it to him. By retreating back into my own mind I could still sense his pain but it wouldn't compromise my actions. 

**Obi-Wan:**

I shivered against the cold stone of the table I was bound to. The grey stones felt like slabs of ice against my trembling skin. It was cold here, both physically and in spirit. I could _feel_ the darkness in Master Daec-Mar's soul. I could feel it eating up at the air around me, biting at my skin, slithering inside my mind.

My heart was beating so quickly that I could feel against my chest, sending waves of fear through my body. The air I sucked into my empty lungs seemed to evaporate before it reached them, leaving me panting for breath. Even held tightly as I was, I could feel myself trembling against the ropes. My throat was tight. What would he do to me now? 

My mind was slightly clouded by whatever had been injected into me but I didn't need to feel the Force to feel the evil that surrounded me. The evil was palpable in the air, in the very sounds the man made as he moved behind me.

Here I was again – completely helpless to defend myself, tied before him so that he could do with me as he pleased. It was terrifying, it shamed me. I was a Jedi! I was supposed to be stronger than this! I wasn't supposed to be so scared! He wasn't supposed to be able to make my heart leap with simple words. Why had I let myself become so vulnerable? Why wasn't I strong enough to fight him off?

Strips of burning hot pain attacked my back. My skin felt like it was on fire. I could feel the blood trickling down my skin. My back was nothing but slashes of agony. Like the cold fangs of anger the electro-whip bit its way into my skin, tearing at my nerves, sending wave after wave of pain through my body. 

I gritted my teeth and tried to control the fear that was making my heart pound and my body tremble. It didn't matter that I couldn't release my pain into the Force. I was a Jedi and I had to act like one. I had to.

I heard the rustling of robes behind me and instinctively tensed for another searing blow. The whip fell just below my shoulders, sinking deeply into my skin and burning the torn flesh. I jerked back against the tight ropes but would not let myself cry out.

"You're pathetic," the man said in his thick, evil voice. "You're not fit to be a Jedi and you never will be! He doesn't really want you. No one does. You're a failure. The Council will never let you become a Knight, surely you know that!" 

I tried to shut my ears to his cruel and taunting words, but as always they slithered their way into my brain. No. Not again. I couldn't take this again. I opened myself to my memories – my memories of Qui-Gon, hoping to lose myself in his words, but in my fear I found I could not remember them. I was alone.

TBC…

Well, I actually didn't get online to post the next part of this, but when I saw "Love It" 's reviews of "more", I thought I'd be a nice person and move you on from one cliffhanger, to the next… =O  I know, I'm mean!

Thanks for the FB and I hope you enjoy!

**Qui-Gon:**

I resumed my sideways jogging with a more determined speed and a greater need to find Obi-Wan than before. It didn't take long for a dim light to appear in the dark passageway ahead of me and I instinctively quieted my steps so that Master Daec-Mar wouldn't hear me approaching.

The light was very dim and only grew a little brighter as I approached it. The narrow hallway grew subtlety larger until I had enough room to stop walking sideways. A few moments later the walls around me completely disappeared and I found myself standing in the entrance of a medium-sized chamber lit only by candlelight.

A wave of dark energy so powerful hit me that it nearly caused me to stagger back. The Force was thick with evil in this place, evil emanating from my Master. The gentle caring that I had always associated with this man had been replaced by anger, hatred, and an all-consuming grief. The darkside was so palpable that I could almost see it as clearly as I could see the darkness that obscured the cavern. 

In the center of the chamber was a small stone table that resembled an altar of some sort. My Padawan was spread out face down on the altar. Brutally tight ropes cut into his wrists and waist to hold him in place for a torturous beating. His medical tunic had been stripped away, revealing his bare back for the cruel and merciless whip. The candlelight was dim but it was enough for me to see the bright, sweat-drenched skin of my Padawan. Cruel slashing cuts marred the boy's skin and red trails of blood where making their way down his back. The boy was trembling uncontrollably but I could tell that it was more from pain than from fear.

Master Daec-Mar was standing a few feet in back of Obi-Wan, with his back turned towards me. The folds of his black cloak matched the tint of the thick darkness in the caves and made it hard to distinguish his form from the emptiness surrounding him. In his lowered right hand he held a pulsating electro-whip, thick and brutal. Its color was deep grey and I could barely make it out against the almost completely black background. Everything about my Master reflected the dark anger that consumed his soul.

Master Daec-Mar raised the glowing electro-whip in the air and viciously flung it against the sensitive skin of Obi-Wan's back. The boy made no sound when the weapon seared against his flesh but even in the dim light I could see his tightly clenched muscles and the resulting bloody tear of flesh that the cruel weapon left behind. It made my skin crawl. 

I controlled the surge of anger that rose up in me and pushed it away. Anger wouldn't save Obi-Wan. I couldn't match Master Daec-Mar's rage with my own. I had to stay calm and fight him with purpose. I wanted nothing more than to rush at him, grab the electro-whip from his hands, and take my revenge for what he was doing to my poor Padawan but I controlled those emotions. Revenge was a feeling not worthy of a Jedi. No matter how badly he was hurting this innocent boy I had to stop myself from acting on these dark impulses. I calmed my mind and, as I had been taught to do so long ago, released my emotions into the Force. 

A loud hiss filled the air as Master Daec-Mar lowered the cruel whip over Obi-Wan's trembling shoulders, tearing and burning at sensitive skin. The boy's entire body tightened in response to the painful touch of the whip but he didn't cry out. A wave of pride washed over me. He was trying to be so brave.

I silently slipped my hand inside my robe and took out my lightsaber. I couldn't let this continue. I settled the familiar hilt in the palms of my hands and closed my fingers around the cool metal. I had to stop this.

I took half a step forward but stopped when Master Daec-Mar switched off the electro-whip and paused in his beating of Obi-Wan. "Look at you," my Master sneered, "trying to be the perfect little Jedi Padawan. What, are you trying to make your _noble_ Master proud? Trying to make up for being so worthless? Well, let me tell you something, your precious Qui-Gon Jinn doesn't really care about you. He's just training you so that Yoda will get off his back about taking on another Padawan, that's all. He knows how unworthy you are; he's just tired of getting prodded by the little meddlesome troll."

I felt Obi-Wan's determination waver as his fear and uncertainly rose up again. He was still so unsure. He was letting the terror he had felt as an eleven year old boy overwhelm his mind. It's not true, Obi-Wan. Don't believe him. You're strong, I know you are. You are just as worthy of being a Jedi as any of the most respected senior students, if not more so, I reached deep enough into our bond to send him my message.

I knew that Obi-Wan wanted to believe me but his own uncertainty wouldn't let him. It would take time and understanding to relieve the boy of this fear but I _would_ guide him through overcoming this. 

"Don't tell him that it isn't true, Master Jinn, you _know_ it is. I know you too well. After all, we lived together for thirteen _years_. I would say I know you better than anyone. So, how does it feel? How does it feel to know that you failed me just as you failed Xanatos and now Obi-Wan?"

I froze. He knew I was here. I shouldn't have been surprised. After all, we _had_ worked together for so many years and my Master was very strong in sensing things through the Force. I knew what Master Daec-Mar was trying to do. He was trying to renew the sense of guilt that I had carried with me for so many years after Xanatos' turning. He was trying to make me feel responsible for his own turning and for Obi-Wan's condition. I wouldn't let him. I knew now that Xanatos had turned because of his own choices. Master Daec-Mar's turning, although triggered by my unwitting actions, was also his own fault. I had tried to save the young king but he had refused to let me. As for Obi-Wan…well I had made many mistakes with the boy but I would fix my errors and we _would_ move on past this.

"I am not a frightened little boy, Master Daec-Mar. I will not let you goad me." I spoke very steadily in a determined voice.

"See?" my master cackled furiously, "see? That's what he thinks you are… 'A frightened little boy', nothing more. You never were worthy of being a Jedi. You should have stayed with me. At least you would have reached knighthood, but now…"

I flinched at the way he used my words to try and wound Obi-Wan. I hadn't meant them that way. Surely Obi-Wan knew that. But he didn't. I could feel uncertainty bordering on despair through our bond. This was what Master Daec-Mar had turned Obi-Wan into. He made it possible to elate Obi-Wan with a single word and shatter him with another.

Remember _my_ words, child, I sent through our bond, flooding him with support.

Obi-Wan's mind trembled in uncertainty. He wanted so desperately to believe me but he was afraid that my Master was right. "No…" Obi-Wan spoke for the first time, his soft but steady words barely reaching me through the darkness of the chamber, "my Master's proud of me," he said defiantly, "you're wrong."

I smiled. Yes, Obi-Wan, I sent to him proudly, don't let him hurt you.

"Leave the boy alone!" I called out to my dark Master, "I am here and you know that it's me that you want."

"I _am_ hurting you by hurting 'the boy'! I know you feel responsible for everything I do to him."

I knew I wasn't _responsible_ for what the dark Jedi was going to Obi-Wan but I did hold some of the blame. I had promised Obi-Wan that I wouldn't let Master Daec-Mar hurt him, that I wouldn't leave him alone, but then…

"You'll stand there and tell me that it wasn't your fault, that you did everything to save my son, that he _forced_ your hand, but I know the truth! There is always a choice and you _chose_ to kill my _son_. I loved his mother so very dearly and when she died he was all I had left of her and you took that away from me!" What had started out as an angry torrent of words ended in a half-scream that made my stomach leap up into my throat.

"I am very sorry for your loss but I didn't realize that he was your son and he left me no other choice. I tried to save him," I said softly, speaking so very calmly in contrast to my Master's anger.

"You're a liar, Qui-Gon Jinn, and today, today, I will claim my revenge! Your punishment, Padawan, shall be to live knowing that you couldn't save your Obi-Wan. Do you see that altar, Master Jedi? Do you? Well, under that altar is a bomb, set to go off in just…oh, about seven or eight minutes. It isn't very powerful and it won't expand past the table, but it'll be enough to end the boy's life."

My heart stopped. A bomb? Obi-Wan… No. No, I couldn't let this happen. Obi-Wan had his whole life ahead of him. He was just a boy, really, and right now, spread out helplessly over the stone table, he looked so much younger than his thirteen years. Eight minutes? That wasn't enough time! Not nearly enough time to defeat Master Daec-Mar and rescue Obi-Wan.

"It's not too late," I attempted to reason with the dark Jedi. "It's not too late to end this, Master. It's never too late to embrace the light. My Master was a good man, and somewhere inside you that good man still exists. Fight off this darkness!"

"And," he added triumphantly, sensing my horror, "and that's not all! There's _another_ bomb located in that hallway you just came through. It's positioned perfectly so that as soon as the first bomb explodes _or_ its counter reaches zero, it will go off and destroy the Healers' Ward.

I closed my eyes briefly, trying in vain to control the swell of helplessness that filled me. Master Daec-Mar knew me too well. Just like Xanatos, he had devised the worse way he could think of to get his revenge on me. To live knowing that I had failed my Padawan _and_ let the healers, who devoted themselves to saving others' lives, die, would tear my heart out. I couldn't let this happen. I had to stop this – for the healers, and for my Padawan.

Stop this, how? By fighting my Master? There seemed to be no other way…but I had trained under this man for so many years, how could I pull my 'saber on him? He was a dark Jedi, yes, but he was still my Master. It hurt to have to face him in this way – it hurt to think that he was forcing me to strike him down to save my own Padawan.

Finally, Master Daec-Mar turned around to face me. His face was a dark mask of anger and his gaze was full of rage and hate. The blackness that surrounded him obscured his long ebony hair and cradled his head in its arms of darkened anger. A sneer covered his face, "Don't try to _save_ me, Padawan, you know it's too late for that! My time has come but I will take your Padawan, and the healers, with me and you will have to live with that guilt for the rest of your life!" His words were barked out on a wave of hate. I flinched as the dark Force-energy hit me, nearly overwhelming me. His rage was so great…there was no way to save him anymore. He was lost. He was even more far gone than Xanatos had been. The person who I had trained under was gone; the goodness in him was shrouded by darkness.

The dark Jedi dropped his electro-whip and reached up to unclasp the tie that held his cloak. The heavy cloth fell from his shoulders and pooled around his feet, forming a dark puddle on the already dark floor. Master Daec-Mar's loose clothes were as black as the robe he had just taken off. As soon as he slid his hand into his tunic I knew what he was reaching for.

When his hand emerged I was not surprised to find him grasping the hilt of a lightsaber. He had probably constructed it on his way to Coruscant. As always, my Master griped the weapon solely in his right hand. As a young Padawan, Master Daec-Mar had hurt his left hand in battle. Ever since then he had learned to fight by holding his weapon in only one hand. With any other opponent that would give me the advantage but the dark Jedi had been fighting this way his entire life and could wield his weapon just as well as any Master I had sparred with.

I held my 'saber firmly in both hands and raised it up in front of me, silently accepting his challenge. I didn't have time to talk away his anger. If I defeated him quickly then I would have time to save the healers and Obi-Wan. Nothing else mattered. Not the fact that he was my Master, that he had hurt me, or that some part of me still cared for him. Not for him, I corrected myself, for the man he had once been. I swallowed my emotions. The easiest way to deal with this was not to think about who he had been, but who he was now – a dark Jedi who was trying to kill my Padawan.

Master Daec-Mar's lightsaber buzzed to life. A black blade of light appeared in front of his cackling face, casting an even darker glow to his already obscured form. With the flick of a wrist Master Daec-Mar moved the blade to his side and it disappeared into the darkness of the chamber, making it impossible for me to distinguish his weapon from the consuming night that surrounded us.

I flicked on my lightsaber and watched the green blade of light emerge to fight away the darkness. The bright green glow of my 'saber contrasted sharply with the blackness of my Master's and was a visual reminder that this figuratively, as well as literally, was a fight of light against darkness.

Usually I would take on the defensive in a 'saber duel but I didn't have time for that. Obi-Wan needed me. I had to fight hard and fast, a technique that I had never used against my Master. Hopefully that would serve to my advantage.

I leapt forward and covered the distance between Master Daec-Mar and me. As soon as my feet touched the ground I swung my 'saber down towards the dark Jedi's exposed mid section. 

My opponent fell back a pace, half-conscious of the altar behind him, and easily brought his 'saber up against mine to block my attack. The hissing 'sabers clashed and buzzed loudly as they made contact with each other, sending waves of heat off in circles. The bright green light my blade emitted appeared to be almost entirely consumed by the hungry claws of the black blade that crossed it.

The physical shock that traveled up my arms I was prepared for but my mind was caught up in an entirely different wave of emotions. The hate and grief that sped through my body were so overpowering that for a few moments my head was blinded by pain and I was barely aware of what was going on. The darkside was so strong in this man that it impaired my connection to the Force. The confusion only lasted a few seconds, but those few seconds were precious to my Padawan's life.

My Master and his 'saber blended back into the darkness as he disengaged his blade from mine and took a small step back. I could barely make him out in the dim candlelight that lit the chamber. Indeed, the soft candlelight itself seemed to have been sucked into the black hole of the man's blade. The black blade seemed an extension of this man's anger and of the darkside. It was like a vortex of power, sucking in the goodness and returning only darkness in return. 

Instead of attacking me, my Master waited for me to continue the duel. He was not the one with a deadline. I, on the other hand, had a life in my hands and couldn't afford to dawdle. The fact that I couldn't see him or his 'saber made the duel harder to win, but not impossible. It would be just like being blindfolded during a training exercise, nothing more. All I had to do was reach out past the darkness.

The bomb. I had to stop the bomb… Obi-Wan's and the healers' lives depended on my winning this duel. I couldn't let my Padawan down. I wouldn't _let_ myself let him down. The boy didn't deserve to die like this, tied to some table, unsure of his own worth. I accepted that I could lose him on a mission, but not like this.

I charged forward again, moving so fast that my 'saber was a blur of light in the cold darkness. Knowing that he would match my blows I swiped my 'saber across his chest, waited for the slight shock and hiss that told me had had blocked it, and then proceeded to deliver him a quick succession of stabbing jabs. As with before a mental shockwave traveled through my body as well as the physical pain that shot up my arms. The power of the darkness made it so hard for me to reach out to the light but I had to, I had to overcome this. Obi-Wan needed me. Lives depended on the outcome of this duel.

I reached out with my mind, searching for the light side that I knew was there. Using the Force I could easily sense my Master's position and mentally _see_ the quick movements of his dark lightsaber – it wasn't until our blades actually crossed that the darkness nearly overwhelmed me. 

Frantic thoughts tumbled through my head as fast as my lightsaber buzzed through the air. There was more than just Obi-Wan's life in my hands. I had others to worry about. The healers…and…Force, Tahl was probably still there with Alida and Adi Gallia. If I lost this duel, and couldn't deactivate the bombs in time, then I would never be able to live with the guilt.

I wouldn't let Master Daec-Mar take Obi-Wan from me. I wouldn't let him do this. I couldn't let him do this. I needed Obi-Wan as much as he needed me. I needed Obi-Wan there so that I never felt the sting of this betrayal. Without him, the Force only knew how hard this would hit me. It would be like before. Two betrayals and the death of the person who meant more to me than life itself…

I stepped back and spun to the side, striking at him determinedly as I turned. My blade came within centimeters of the dark Jedi's nose but using his honed reflexes he drove away my 'saber. 

My heart pounded and sweat ran down my face. It wasn't the action that was straining me, it was the stress. The healers were depending on me, even if, unaware of the situation, they didn't know of it. How many patients did they have up there? How many nurses? How many Master Healers would lose their lives if I failed?

Obi-Wan only had minutes to live unless I could end this quickly. This duel had only lasted a dozen seconds or so but it felt more like a dozen eternities. Every second that passed was one less second on the timer of that bomb…one less second for my Padawan to live if I didn't win this fight.

Trying to move as quickly as possible without being clumsy I brought my 'saber against my opponent's with a fierce strength, hoping to weaken his one-handed grip. Used to this approach my Master deflected my blow by bringing his 'saber up against mine with enough strength to prevent it from hitting him. Then he stepped aside and drew his weapon with him.

I staggered forward a step but quickly recovered and spun around just in time to deflect my Master's first attack. Time was ticking away, I _had_ to finish this. Master Daec-Mar and I circled each other, exchanging blows and blocking or evading our opponent's 'saber. Swipes and stabs were dealt back and forth for what seemed an eternity. 

A dark Force pulse shot through me every time our 'sabers crossed, momentarily weakening my connection to the Force for a few seconds at a time. I had never felt so much anger and grief from one person. The darkside was so strong that it thinned my grasp on the light, made it harder for me to connect to the Force.

I wouldn't fail Obi-Wan. I couldn't lose him like this. I had promised to protect him and I would. I wouldn't let Master Daec-Mar claim his revenge upon me – not like this. Not when so many innocents would lose their lives. 

My mind raced as I mechanically blocked the dark Jedi's blows and returned them with our own. I had driven him back past the altar that held my helpless Padawan and towards the far wall of the chamber, but I knew I didn't truly have the advantage. My Master was just trying to waste time and it was working.

"What's wrong, Padawan?" the dark Jedi sneered triumphantly, sensing my troubled thoughts and inability to completely connect with the Force, "what happened to your legendary connection to the Force? Where's your 'saber skill when you need it? Time is ticking, Master Jedi, and soon all you will have left of your Padawan is memories, which is all you left me of my son!" The taunting, half-angry words ended in a yell that made my heart leap up into my throat and sent shivers down the entirety of my body. My Master had been one of the kindest men I knew…how had this ever happened to him? 

Ignoring his words I leapt up high into the air, calling to the Force to assist my jump, and flipped over my opponent's head. My fit hit the ground hard but years of training prevented me from even flinching at the waves of pain that ran up my legs. I landed facing Master Daec-Mar's back and quickly lunged forward with my 'saber.

Expecting my attack, my Master turned to his right and evaded my blow. Then he brought his weapon forward to my chest and I had to maneuver my blade back towards my body to deflect his blow.

"You killed my son, stole away the last peace of my wife that still lived and breathed, and now I will take away your joy, _Padawan_, and you shall feel the dark despair that I do! How does it feel, Master Jinn, knowing that Obi-Wan will die because of you, that the healers will die because of your failure?" His words were cackled out on half a breath of air, making him sound crazed.

Worry trickled through my veins like the sweat that rolled down my face. I had never before felt this much stress during a fight. It was preventing me from getting the upper hand in this fight. I wasn't fighting with the Force; I was just fighting with my strength and physical skill. I _had_ to let the Force guide my actions. My own life I could stand to lose, but not those of other innocent people…and Obi-Wan's, never Obi-Wan's.

TBC…

Hi!  Thanks for all the wonderful FB!  Here's the next part and, although it's not the end of part nine, the cliffhanger isn't nearly as bad as the others. =D

**Qui-Gon:**

The darkness hindered me but it was an obstacle I could overcome. Obi-Wan had taught me this, during our fight with Xanatos. Light was always stronger than darkness. It was my own worry that prevented me from letting the Force flow through me. 

I closed my eyes for a few brief moments and centered myself on the Force. I could feel it so strongly, even now, when it was obscured by so much darkness. As always, it hummed with light and life. All I had to do was let myself go and the Force would guide me. 

Surging forward with a determined grunt I let go of everything except my connection to the Force. I could feel it surging around me, rushing forth to fight off the darkness in my Master's soul. I had only to let it lead me and all would be well.

Allowing the Force to guide my movements my fight became a dance. I lunged forward, bringing my 'saber against my Master's again and again, driving him back past the altar and on towards the other wall. 

The Force coursed through my body as I used my strength to drive the man further back and weaken his fighting arm. I attacked, deflected, and parried blows with a skill I had never felt before. My movements were not only graceful; they were the will of the Force.

My Master was tiring. He was not as young as he used to be and was surprised by this sudden change. Trying to regain the upper hand again Master Daec-Mar used his dying strength to surge forward against me with a series of vicious attacks. His blows were falling so fast and hard that pain traveled up my arms from the force of the impact and for half a moment I staggered back a step. 

The dark Jedi grinned sadistically, "Remember my _Padawan_, I'm a Jedi too. Revenge will be mine!" Had his 'saber been visible it would have been a blur of light, moving more quickly than the eye could see. I had almost forgotten that my Master always held back in a fight until it was necessary to use his full skill and strength. 

I mentally squared my shoulders; I would not let it phase me. This fight was mine to win. With the Force guiding my movements there was no way I could lose. No way I could lose…but what of Obi-Wan? Winning this duel would mean nothing to me if I was too late to save him.

I quickly recovered from my momentary stumble and ignored the growing pain in my shoulders and wrists. The buzz of our two 'sabers filled the chamber and the air was becoming thick with the heat cascading off of our weapons. Sweat rolled down my forehead, leaving a trail of wet warmth behind it.

I became aware of everything around me, every movement, every small detail. Obi-Wan struggling against the tight ropes that held him down, the flexing of Master Daec-Mar's muscles as he wielded his 'saber with sure skill and a determination born of more hate than I had felt in a very long time and hoped to never feel again.

Everything around me moved in slow motion. Master Daec-Mar brought his weapon forward toward my mid-section but his movements seemed slow and sluggish to me. I instinctively moved my 'saber to deflect his attach but even my own movements were measured. Our blades crossed with a loud hissing clash and for a moment we held that position, both pushing forward against each other's 'saber, looking determinedly into eyes that could barely be seen through the thick darkness.

Master Daec-Mar's eyes were cold and brutal – hateful and avenging. There was nothing of the man who had taken me under his wing and taught me all he knew; comforted me when no one else could, and proudly cut my braid on the day of my Knighting Ceremony. He was gone. It comforted me, in a strange way. It was not my Master who had betrayed me; it was a creature with nothing left but darkness.

At the same instant we uncrossed our 'sabers and stepped back to gauge each other. Master Daec-Mar's body was covered in sweat and his breathing was suddenly absurdly loud, drowning out even the buzzing of our 'sabers as he panted. His arm was trembling and if I could have made out his dark blade against the blackness of the chamber, I would have seen the tremors of a weariness born of mind and body running through it. My Master's time was coming to and end. He couldn't live as this being, consumed by darkness and craving only the pain of others. His only relief would come in death.

The Force called out to me and I used my advantage. Leaping up over the man's body I brought my blade down towards his head and knocked his dark 'saber away just as he brought it up to deflect my blow. With a soft clang the man's weapon hit the ground.

My green blade passed within inches of Master Daec-Mar's face, but left him untouched. Death would be his only escape, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to end his life. His time had come, I knew it as surely as I knew my own name, but it was too much for me to end his physical existence myself. Before the dark Jed could react I used the Force to call his weapon to my hand. While in flight the 'saber flickered once and then the dark light collapsed back into the hilt, its sudden silence testifying to its disappearing blade. The Force hummed strongly and the room seemed to become a shade brighter now that the black hole that had sucked in the light had faded. 

It was over, and Master Daec-Mar knew it.

I landed on the other side of my Master's form and turned around just in time to see and sense the man's action. Too late to do anything to stop him I watched as the dark Jedi leapt forward and flung himself over my 'saber in one quick, sudden, motion. 

"You will not have this day," Master Daec-Mar gasped out as the shock of pain registered in his system and overloaded his thoughts.

The searing green light of my weapon passed through my Master's stomach and my opponent toppled forward towards me. I quickly took a step back and disengaged my weapon, watching the spiraling color of green light as it disappeared back into the warm metallic hilt of my blade. No longer able to support his own weight, the dark Jedi fell forward onto his knees and clutched his stomach tightly as he rolled to the ground.

I should have been horrified by the man's actions but even as I watched the life flee from his body, I knew it was the only way. I could have never brought myself to kill him, even knowing that death would bring him the peace that he had lost in life. In a strange way, my Master had granted me one last favor by taking the decision of his fate out of my hands.

"Revenge…is…mine…Padawan. Obi-Wan…is…lost," he spat out on his last breath as the life ebbed from his body. There was so much hate in his voice, nothing of the man I had admired with something close to hero-worship during half of my Padawanship. 

_/ "What's wrong, Padawan?" I started upon hearing my Master's gentle and concerned voice from the doorway of my dark room._

_I looked up. Master Daec-Mar was standing just inside my room, leaning lightly against the wall. I shook my head, "I can't sleep, Master," I said by way of answer._

_Master Daec-Mar nodded compassionately, "It's hard, isn't it?"_

_I shrugged slightly, "I can't stop thinking about his face, Master. He looked so scared as his life faded."_

_"There is no death, Padawan, only the Force," my Master recited the ancient words, "I know it's of little comfort, but it's true. He's at peace now._

_I blinked back a tear that threatened to roll down my cheek, "I know, but I still miss him."_

_"It's only natural to grieve, Qui-Gon. Eventually your mind will be at peace with what happened, until then, I am here. You are tired, I will help you find sleep. We will speak more tomorrow." My Master did not wait for me to answer and a moment later I felt a gentle sleep suggestion implanted inside my head with a touch of the Force._

_A lay back down on my bed as I felt weariness overtake my body, "Thank you, Master," I murmured as I fell asleep._

_"You're welcome, Qui-Gon. Sweet dreams," were the last words I heard before I drifted off to a land where all my troubles were forgotten. /_

I smiled sadly, remembering the time when my Master had comforted me after a good friend of mine had unexpectedly been killed. My Master and I had never been more than friends, but he had always been there for me when I needed him. He had been a good Master.

Twin sensations attacked my body. A sudden unexpected grief at Master Daec-Mar's death as well as a swell of uncontrollable worry filled my heart. What if I was already too late? How long had the fight taken? How much longer did Obi-Wan and the healers have? Minutes? Seconds?

The Force fled from my grasp as the frantic worry filled my body. Hastily attaching my lightsaber to my utility belt I leapt over Master Daec-Mar's lifeless form and sped to the altar where Obi-Wan was tied. During my fight I had neglected to reach out through our bond to sense my Padawan's emotions. Now I found, with a surge of pride, that the boy, despite a very weakened connection to the Force, had partially calmed his mind and was preparing himself for death if it chose to claim him. Fear and uncertainly were still present in his young soul but he had found the strength to suppress them and find his center.

I frantically took note of Obi-Wan's form. His bloodied body was laying limp against the altar, no doubt a result of the drug. He might have recovered his connection to the Force but his physical strength still eluded him. It would make it harder for me to move him but I _would_ save him.

My hands trembled as I sought the knots that held Obi-Wan tightly bound to the altar. With trembling fingers I attempted to loosen knots so tight that surely a Sith Lord had tied them. Impatiently I tried to dig my nails into one of the knots, trying in vain to loose it, but it was too tight. I took a deep breath. I _would_ save Obi-Wan.

I reached out with the Force and eased its tendrils of light into the knots, loosening them with its power. When I tried again, the knots were loose enough for me to undue. Quickly I yanked them apart until the knots tore and the binds loosened. I pulled the ropes away from the boy's body, taking note of the savagely torn skin they had left behind. 

Obi-Wan, realizing that he was free, slowly let himself slide onto the floor, falling down to his knees by the stone table. He looked at me, fear and worry clearly evident in his gaze.

Despite what was yet to come, a wave of uncontrollable relief surged through me. Tension still bore deeply onto my mind, but Obi-Wan would be all right. He would live. He would have the chance to move on past this and become the great Jedi Knight I knew he was meant to be. We would have the chance to become closer, to explore the depths of this bond and see how far it would take us. The boy would be able to grow into a man and take a Padawan of his own someday, passing on his wisdom and knowledge. Most importantly, my Padawan would have the chance to _live_.

I forced myself to push those thoughts into the back of my mind. Lives were still depending upon me. The healers were doomed unless I could deactivate both this bomb, and the other one that Master Daec-Mar had left. If he had told the truth, and the arrogance in his voice led me to believe he had, then the second bomb would explode either just after the one under the table did, or when the counter hit zero. The only way to stop it would be to deactivate the first bomb and stop the timer. 

Unfortunately, I doubted I had time for both. "Obi-Wan," I said, placing my hand on his shoulder and squeezing gently, "there's another bomb in the hallway. It must be hidden somehow because I just came down it and saw nothing. I am going to stay here and deactivate the one under the table, you need to go and stop the other one. Can you move?"

Obi-Wan flexed his muscles slightly and flinched. Through our bond I could feel that his entire body was sore, that his back stung with the pain of his beating, and that it took a great deal of concentration for him to move. He felt disconnected from his body; surely an effect of the drug. 

My Padawan met my gaze squarely with his own, nodding immediately in acceptance of my orders, but I could feel the fear and uncertainty within him. The reappearance of Master Daec-Mar in his life had left him unsure of his own abilities. He wasn't certain that he could do this, but I knew he could, and more importantly, he needed to know it himself.

"Obi-Wan," I spoke very gently, not rushing despite the fact that I knew the first bomb could blow any second now, "you can do this. Remember your training, remember what I taught you about bombs, but mostly remember that I _believe_ in you. I believe that you can do this. No, I _know_ you can do this, so go, and prove it to yourself."

**Obi-Wan:**

Qui-Gon's deep blue eyes found and held my own. In his gaze I found compassion, love, but most importantly I saw his faith in me. He had faith in me. He believed that I could do this. My Master believed in me, so why couldn't I believe in myself?

Why was this ridiculous fear so hard to banish from my heart? Why did Master Daec-Mar's words make me tremble in fear and uncertainty? Even now my chest was tight and my body shook. Force, what was wrong with me? 

I was unworthy of being a Jedi. Master Daec-Mar had said that so many times that it had found its way into my mind, into my very heart and soul. It couldn't be true though. I couldn't let myself believe that it was true. Qui-Gon was proud of me, he cared for me, even trusted me. I wasn't worthless to my Master. According to him, I was a fine Jedi Padawan. But no one had wanted me. No Jedi Master had ever offered to take me as his Padawan until Qui-Gon and even then I had all but begged it of him. Why had no one taken me if I was destined to be a Jedi Knight? Why hadn't anyone wanted me?

Images of my days as an initiate came back to me. I had tried so hard to impress all the Masters, fighting to the best of my abilities and striving to control my anger, but none of it had helped. In the end, despite my best efforts, they had all chosen others more worthy of the Jedi name. It had been an honor to grow up in the Temple but this life was not mine. Even as Qui-Gon, a good and honorable man, had fought for my life, I had been held helpless. Completely powerless as he had risked his life for me – someone who did not deserve that kind of sacrifice.

Qui-Gon believed in me. The words shone through my heart and found a way into my mind, echoing over and over again. He believed in me. _Believed_ in me. I cared for him. I couldn't let him down. I had been wrong. Stupidly and childishly wrong. Qui-Gon had somehow not reacted the way I had feared he would. He hadn't felt betrayed by Master Daec-Mar like he had by Xanatos. He hadn't withdrawn from me. He had pulled me into his arms and held me, rocking me back and forth, giving me the comfort I so desperately needed. He wouldn't have done that if was worthless, would he? He was proud of me. He believed in me.

Master Daec-Mar had always said…

No! I surprised myself with the intensity of my thought. I couldn't let myself think of him. I had to fill my mind with thoughts of my Master, of Qui-Gon. I had to trust in him. I might not believe in myself but _he_ did and I couldn't let him down. I couldn't. 

I closed my eyes and took a moment to calm my racing heart, and let the fear flow through my body instead of trying to fight it. This time I didn't bury the fear within myself, I let it filter out of my body. Finding my center would be hard but I was a Jedi and I knew I could do it. I would control these emotions. I would do it for Qui-Gon, to show him I was worthy, but most importantly, I would do it for myself. Grasping what little bit of the Force I could feel, I anchored myself to it and let its beauty and light flow through me. Fear battled at my heart, but I would find my center – like a Jedi.

TBC…

Hi! =D  Thanks for sticking with me even though it's taking me _forever to post these parts.  Fortunately, school will be over in less than two weeks (yes!!!) and I will have time to breathe again.  Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this segment, which is the end of part nine.  After this there is only part ten, which wraps things up, and that's the end of the story. =D_

Thanks again for the FB!

**Qui-Gon:**

I saw the change in Obi-Wan's eyes and felt it through our bond. Despite his weakened connection to the Force, and despite his fear, he had found his center. He was ready. I smiled and gave the boy one last squeeze on the shoulder. "Go on now, Obi-Wan," I murmured, urging him to stand, "you can do this."

Obi-Wan nodded and stood. I watched, suddenly worried that despite his abilities the drug would prevent him from doing this, as he wavered on his feet and fell to the ground. I wanted to rush forward and help him stand, but Obi-Wan needed to do this on his own. First the boy found his way to his knees and then with a visibly deep breath he forced himself to stand. After a few shaky steps he waveringly made his way out of the chamber without looking back. He would succeed, I knew it. 

I crouched low to the ground and moved to the side of the stone table. There was just enough room for me to slither under the stone by lying on my back and sliding forward. The bomb was attached to the bottom of the table and I knew that if I attempted to move it, it would blow.

I took a deep breath and glanced at the timer. My heart leapt up into my throat and in an instant the calm in my heart fled. The blinking red numbers read:

00:40

I only had forty seconds!

Fear partially glazed over my mind as I desperately examined the bomb. It was a very simple device actually. Of course, it didn't have to be complicated. Its only purpose had been to take my Padawan from me and activate the other, surely more powerful bomb, that would destroy the Healer's Ward. It was a small bomb, but I had to stop it before its explosion triggered the other bomb. The Healers' Ward was a symbol of hope to say many Jedi – I would not let it be destroyed.

A sudden terrible realization struck at my heart. Obi-Wan. I had sent him to deactivate the other bomb. If I couldn't stop this one from blowing up then the second bomb would also be triggered and my Padawan would be killed… No! How could I have been so stupid so as not to have realized that before? His life still lay in my hands. It wouldn't matter if Obi-Wan could stop the counter on the second bomb for it was still somehow rigged to blow right after this one. Force, had I just saved him from one bomb to send him to his death at the explosion of another? I couldn't let him down.

My hands shook almost uncontrollably as I lifted the panel off the bomb and critically examined the wiring. It would be an easy matter to defuse the bomb but I didn't have any time…

With fingers much too large to be doing this sort of work I began pushing aside the extra wiring in search of the one key wire that connected the bomb to the timer. If I could find it and disconnect it then the bomb wouldn't know when to go off and would deactivate.

Unfortunately, if I severed the wrong wire the bomb would go off early, killing myself, and in turn the second bomb would kill Obi-Wan and the healers. I could not let that happen. I had not saved Obi-Wan to merely let him be killed like this.

All the wires were the same color – black like Master Daec-Mar's soul had turned. I couldn't tell them apart! I quickly traced the wires back to their source to see where they were connected but none of them seemed to run to the timer…

I glanced at the blinking red numbers. 25, 24, 23, 22…the numbers continued to countdown to Obi-Wan and the healers' doom. If I lost Obi-Wan like this I would never forgive myself. It wasn't his time to die… He still had so much to do in his life…he still had to heal from what Master Daec-Mar had done to him and become the fine Jedi Knight I knew he was meant to be…

Where was the damned wire? My mind was so frantic with fear that I couldn't think straight. I was a Jedi Master… I had to concentrate. I had to control my fear. Where had my control gone? 

I closed my eyes briefly and reached out to the Force – let it rush around and through me and calm my worried, scared, mind. When I opened my eyes again I wasn't completely calm, for that would have been impossible, but at least I could think straight.

15, 14, 13, 12… the timer read as I gently pushed aside more wires to try and find the one I was looking for.

All of the wires were connected to the bomb itself, _none_ of them seemed to run to the timer… Wait! There it was, running along the side of the bomb casing and into the timer. Now all I had to do was sever it without breaking any of the others. 

With great precision I pushed aside the obtruding wires and took the one I wanted between my fingers. Using my nails I tried to snap the wire in half but it was too thick to cut…

6, 5, 4, 3…

My hands began to tremble again as grabbed the wire with the fingers of my other hand and yanked both ends of the wire away from each other… The stubborn wire resisted persistently and my heart leapt up into my throat but I didn't give up. I couldn't give up. Again I touched the Force with my mind, this time pinpointing it on the wire and using its power to snap it in half instead. Just as I used the Force to aid my work I pulled against the wire and prayed for it to break. I was so close; I couldn't fail Obi-Wan now. He was counting on me. He trusted me. I couldn't let him down, again. 

Finally, the wire gave way and snapped in half.

I held my breath as the red numbers switched from 00:01 to 00:00 and unintentionally closed my eyes. 

Nothing happened. I let out a long sigh of relief and opened my eyes again. The timer was blinking 00:00 but the bomb hadn't gone off. I had done it. 

I reached through my bond with Obi-Wan. He was still working on deactivating the second bomb. Fortunately its timer had been set higher than mine and he still had a few minutes. My instincts as a Master told me that I should let him deactivate it on his own – to show him that he wasn't worthless, but my mind told me I could not. The healers' lives were still in danger.

I crawled back out from under the table and climbed to my feet, then I rushed forth to help my Padawan.

**Obi-Wan:**

All my muscles hurt and it seemed that just to move I had to scream at my body to get it to comply. I had fallen down four times in my trek to find the second bomb. Finally, the fourth time, I had just stayed down and crawled through the narrow passageway. It had taken me a few minutes to find the second bomb, hidden underneath a layer of dirt at the far end of the hallway, closer to the Healers' Ward than to the chamber and once I wiped the grime off of it I could easily see that I had a little over three minutes to stop it from going off.

I took a deep breath. I could do this. Qui-Gon had taught me the simple mechanics of bombs and I couldn't let myself fail. My Master believed in me. It was time to start acting like a Jedi again. I wasn't eleven years old anymore. 

I examined the bomb carefully. It was a newer, more sophisticated model, controlled by a small computer system built into the weapon. In order to stop the countdown I would have to break into the computer system…with a password.

I touched my fingers to the controls and on the small screen above the keys the words 'Input Password' flashed in bold red letters. My fingers froze, hovering millimeters from the dull keys. Force, what would the password be? What would Master Daec-Mar have made it and how would I ever find out? I barely knew the man! All I knew were his cruel, merciless, words and the feel of his hands as they beat me… 

Shaking my head I quickly banished those thoughts from my mind. Now was not a time for past memories and insecurities. The healers' lives depended on my succeeding here. There was no doubt in my mind that Qui-Gon would succeed in deactivating his bomb and I could do no less.

'Think!" I screamed at myself. What would the man use as his password? It had to be something important to him, something that truly _meant_ something to his twisted brain… 

My eyes caught on the blinking red numbers on the timer…almost half my time had evaporated and the numbers now showed that I had a minute and a half.

A minute and a half wasn't enough time! 

'Yes, it is,' I argued with myself. It had to be.

What would the password be? His son's name? It was likely but I didn't know his son's name! What else? His son's birthday? I didn't know that either. I didn't know anything about him. 

I gritted my teeth in frustration.

This wasn't working. I wasn't going to be able to think of it this way, I had to stay calm and focused. The Force would guide me, I had to trust in it. I let the calm love of the Force surround me. Now, more calmly, I asked myself again; what would Master Daec-Mar have made the password?

The day that Master Daec-Mar had taken me as his Padawan. Of course. That day represented the beginning of his revenge upon my Master and was also the day he had lost his last shreds of goodness and light.

I moved my fingers closer to the keys but then froze. Force, I didn't remember the day had taken me as his Padawan! How could this be happening? How could I forget that day now when for the last two years it had been ingrained in my memory, just as if it had been carved in stone?

"Think," I hissed at myself.

January 8th. Of course. How could that ever have slipped my mind?

I quickly keyed in the date, practically holding my breath as I waited for the small computer to process it. It only took a few moments for the words to flash on the small screen, but to me it seemed like forever. Finally, the bold red letters flashed 'Password Verified', and the ticking seconds on the timer froze.

I glanced at the stilled numbers of the timer. I had stopped it with less than five seconds to spare. I let out a long sigh and leaned back against the wall of the passageway. I ignored the angry shouts of the gashes on my back and shut away the pain with the power of my relief. I had done it. I had actually done it.

The sound of soft footsteps reached my ears a second before Qui-Gon appeared at my side. He looked down at me for a moment before he awkwardly managed to kneel in the narrow space between the two walls. After examining the bomb for a few silent moments he asked, "How did you know what the password was?" 

I shook my head wearily and didn't answer. Praise the Force; I had finally done something right.

**Qui-Gon:**

I smiled at Obi-Wan broadly, letting my pride flow freely through our bond. He looked so young, so tired, and so relieved. "Master?" he asked softly, the one word carrying within it a multitude of questions.

"He's dead," I said, a little more flatly than I had intended. "It's all over now, child." I moved until I was kneeling directly next to the boy's exhausted form. "You did it, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan looked up at me and smiled slightly, "No, Master, _we_ did it."

I lay my hand on his shoulder and nodded. There was much he needed to heal from, much he needed to come to understand. He might have won the first battle in overcoming his uncertainty, but there were still many more to be waged before he truly moved past this. It would be hard, but I would be here for him. "Yes," I agreed softly, "we did."

Heedless of the fact that I barely had any room to move in the tight space of the passage way I turned to halfway face Obi-Wan and leaned forward to pull the boy into my arms. I wanted to hold him tightly against me and surround him in my embrace, but conscious of the gashes that covered his back I kept my arms loose and instead gently stroked his sweat-matted hair. "I'm so sorry," I murmured regretfully, "I let him trick me. I shouldn't have left your side. I'm sorry."

Obi-Wan shook his head slightly, "No, Master. It's all right," he said, "I know that you didn't realize what he had planned and I had faith that you would come rescue me. I trust you."

I smiled, "I haven't given you any reason to do so, my young Padawan."

For a brief moment, the comforted became the comforter. Obi-Wan flooded our bond with reassurance, "Yes, you have. Your faith in me is all the reason I need to trust you. Thank you for believing in me, even when I can't seem to believe in myself," his voice was chocked and his tone both pleaded for reassurance but had the seeds of confidence. Yes, my Padawan would be all right. He had taken the first step in proving to himself that he wasn't what my Master had led him to believe he was, and the rest would come later.

"You will get over this, _we_ will get over this. I will help you. You will get your confidence back. I promise you with all that I am that I will help you heal from this," I whispered into his spiky, sweat-matted hair.

The boy nodded and nestled into my arms, burying his face against my chest. 

I continued to gently stroke the boy's hair as I started to rock him back and forth in my arms. "Are you okay, child?" I asked, concerned.

My Padawan hesitated, but when he answered, his voice was loud and steady, "With you I know I will be," was his reply.

TBC…

See, I'm not that mean…I don't have a cliffhanger at the end of _every post!_


	10. The Power of Healing

Well everyone – here it is, the last part!  I have al little time today before I have to memorize my English presentation (help!) so I thought I'd finish this story off before finals week.  I hope you enjoyed the story and this last part. =D

_~ Part Ten: The Power of Healing ~_

**Obi-Wan:**

            I paced nervously back and forth in my room, waiting for Qui-Gon to return. What was taking him so long? The Council had summoned him to report what had happened to Master Daec-Mar so why hadn't he come back yet? There wasn't much to say. Master Daec-Mar was dead and it was time to forget he had ever existed. 

            I sighed, not agreeing with my own thoughts. Of course we couldn't forget him. As much as I wanted to, I knew that I couldn't. I had to move on from Master Daec-Mar, not forget him. There was a difference. Of course, forgetting would be much easier and less painful than remembering all of the cruel, wicked things he had done to me. I wanted to bury it all deep inside me; the fear, the pain, the uncertainty, and lock it up so it couldn't hurt me again. I couldn't do that thought. I knew Qui-Gon wouldn't let me. He wanted me to heal, and how could I heal if I kept it buried inside me for the rest of my life? But I _wanted_ to bury it.

            Force, why couldn't all of this be easier? During the day it was all right. It was easy to keep the memories at bay with Qui-Gon at my side, being so gentle and concerned over me. Nighttime was another story. Like vicious wolves the memories would come back, sinking their fangs and claws into me until all I could do was huddle myself into a small ball and pray that morning was not far off. Master Daec-Mar lived in the silence and darkness of the night. When I closed my eyes his voice was all I could hear, laughing at me, taunting me, telling me that no one would ever love me because I was worthless, unworthy and…

            "Stop," I muttered under my breath. This wasn't going to solve anything and would just make me feel worse. I was a Jedi; I would meditate and it would help clear my mind, just as it always did.

            I dropped to my knees in the middle of my room, bowed my head slightly, and closed my eyes. Choosing the simplest meditation that had ever been taught to me I took several deep breaths to relax my body and then pictured one of the most calming scenes I could think of. It was a meditation taught to young initiates. You were told to picture a calming place and then let your mind float out into the realm of your imagination until you literally felt that you were there. It involved sending your awareness deeper inside of your own body and creating an almost dream-like image of where you wanted to be. Although it was one of the simplest mediations, no non-Force sensitive could do it. 

            The place I always pictured didn't actually exist, at least not as far as I knew. It was a small water fall that fell into a pond that was surrounded by chocolate colored sand and large, lush, green ferns. The water itself was a mixture of different colors, ranging from blue to red, and looked like a rainbow as it fell into the pond. The sun was shining brightly and the sky was dotted by small, puffy white clouds that smeared themselves across the horizon. It was so beautiful, so peaceful, and so _perfect_, that sometimes I thought I could just stay there forever.

            In my mind I walked towards the cool pond and bent down to scoop some of the rainbow colored water into my hands. The water was cool to my touch and if I cupped my hands just right I could see the reflection of the sun and clouds just before the water slipped through my fingers. 

            I laughed.

            Scooping more water into my cupped hands I brought it up to my lips to drink but just before the cool water reached my parched throat I saw a strange reflection. Letting the water fall between my fingers I leaned forward to study the reflection better. It was the reflection of a man wearing a long black robe and a hood over his face. It was hard to make out his feature but I could distinctly see his eyes and they reminded me horribly of…

            I stifled a panicked scream and my heart leapt up into my throat, a deep pain settling inside my stomach and heart.

            It was Master Daec-Mar!

            No…no, it wasn't. It couldn't be. It was just an illusion, a trick of meditation and learning to see and feel things that weren't really there. All the images around me were from my own mind. I had often been warned as I young initiate that this meditation wouldn't work unless you could completely clear your mind of all troubling thoughts. Many Masters had told me that if I attempted it when my mind was troubled that it was quite possible that the things that were troubling me would somehow manifest themselves into my illusion. But I had _always_ done this meditation! Even after Master Daec-Mar had chosen me as his apprentice, and this had never happened.

            In the watery reflection of Master Daec-Mar my first Master let his hood fall back onto his shoulders so I could see his face. He was laughing. An evil cackling laugh that always filled my ears and haunted my thoughts…

            I let out a startled cry when I felt a gentle hand fall upon my shoulder. My initial instinct was to shove it away and run but in the illusion my mind was creating there was no one there to shove away. That meant that it had to be…

            "Obi-Wan!" I heard Qui-Gon call from somewhere far, far away and suddenly realized that it was my Master, trying to bring me out of my meditation. "Padawan!" Qui-Gon's voice was worried, almost afraid.

            I reached back out to the real world, that of my room, and watched gratefully as the reflection of Master Daec-Mar slowly faded as my imaginary world cascaded into nothingness around me.

            I opened my eyes. Qui-Gon was kneeling in front of me, an expression of pure anxiety distorting the usually calm features of my face. "Qui-Gon," I breathed out his name in a sigh of relief, throwing myself into his arms without even willing myself to move. 

            "Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon's voice was so concerned that I felt guilty for worrying him so much and found myself wishing that I wasn't such a burden to him. "Oh Padawan, it's all right, don't be frightened."

            My Master's arms gently closed around me and a moment later he pulled me closer to him until I was halfway sitting in his lap. In some distant part of my mind I knew that I was trembling uncontrollably and that I was acting like a baby but I couldn't bring myself to pull away from Qui-Gon's comfort.

            After a few long minutes of simply sitting there in my Master's lap and accepting the comfort he was giving me my breathing returned to normal and I was able to calm myself. Regretfully, I pulled myself out of my Master's embrace and a bright blush covered my cheeks as I realized just how childish I was acting. 

            "I'm sorry," I said without looking up.

            A gentle but firm hand took hold of my chin and tilted my head up until I was looking straight into Qui-Gon's bright blue eyes. "Don't be," he said simply.

            "What happened with the Council?" I asked suddenly. I knew how out of place my question seemed but I just had to change the subject before Qui-Gon questioned me on what I had seen. 

            Qui-Gon cocked an eyebrow but made no comment of my obvious evasion of the questions I knew he would ask. 

            "I'm sorry that it took so long," he said, "but the Council insisted that I be very…thorough."

            I nodded, "What did you tell them?" 

            Qui-Gon squeezed my shoulder softly, "I told them what happened, Obi-Wan." 

            Then why had it taken so long? I refrained myself from asking the question out loud. I already knew the answer. They had been talking about me. Surely the Council wanted to know whether Qui-Gon thought I was capable of being a Padawan and whether it was worth it to even help me recover. They probably saw me as some weak little boy who had been too afraid to tell his Master the identity of his attacker. They were right. I was a pathetically weak little boy.

            I sighed mentally. Why was I thinking this way? Of _course_ the Council hadn't asked Qui-Gon that. They had probably merely been concerned and had wanted to know how long Qui-Gon thought it would take me to recover, and how he planned to go about the matter. The Council did _not_ see me as worthless, that was Master Daec-Mar talking.

            "What's going to happen now?" I asked softly.

            Qui-Gon stood and then helped me to my feet. Then he led me over to my bed and gestured for me to sit. I did as he bid me and was surprised when, instead of sitting next to me, he dropped to his knees and took both of my hands in his. "Master Daec-Mar's body is going to be sent back to his homeworld where they will take care of his funeral arrangements. They wished to avoid the questions that would surely arise if we tended to his body here at the Temple."

            "What about the bombs?" I asked, trying not to let myself think any further about my first Master. He had already infiltrated my thoughts enough for one day.

            Qui-Gon smiled, "I was getting to that," he squeezed my hands, "Yesterday Adi Gallia went down into the secret passageways herself and removed the bombs. She also checked to make sure there were no others. Although they have not decided, the Council thinks that they are going to close off the passageways and chambers, to prevent anything like this from happening in the future."

            I nodded. Good. The chamber was a place filled with the darkness of Master Daec-Mar's soul. It was like his lair, far away from all light and goodness. The darkside was palpable in that room and it needed to be shut away. "Anything else?"

            Qui-Gon hesitated, clearly debating whether or not to tell me something. "The Council believes that it would be best that you see a Soul Healer, Obi-Wan," he said carefully.

            I closed my eyes. No, not again. I could not deny that the Soul Healer had helped me recover the first time this had happened, but the healer had been so…impersonal. I wanted Qui-Gon's help. I didn't want to have to sit through another season with a Soul Healer who was trying to analyze everything I did, said, and thought.

            Qui-Gon smiled reassuringly, "Do not worry, Obi-Wan. I convinced them not to force you to see a Soul Healer. I think that we can deal with this better among ourselves, just the two of us."

            I breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank you, Master," I smiled slightly. "I-I feel more comfortable with you…"

            My Master smiled.

            "So that's it?" I asked after a few moments of silence.

            Qui-Gon nodded but then shook his head. "That's the end of Master Daec-Mar," he agreed, "but we still have a long path to travel before this trouble comes to an end for us."

            'We', I replayed the word over and over again in my head. 'We'. Qui-Gon and me. It felt so good to know that I wasn't alone. That Qui-Gon was here with me. 

            "Yes," he smiled faintly "_We_ still have a long path to travel, Obi-Wan. I will not let you travel it alone." 

            I smiled and blushed. Force, why couldn't Qui-Gon always be like this? Caring, gentle, and understanding? _This_ was the kind of Master I had always wanted, _this_ was the kind of Master that I could give my loyalty to…and my love. 

            I reached out deeply into our bond and simply let myself bask in its warmth and in the knowledge that for the first time, I wasn't alone.

~~~~~~~~~~

            Sweat drenched my body and my breathing was so loud that everyone on Coruscant had to be able to hear it, along with the pounding of my heart. Another dream, another nightmare. What was wrong with me? I couldn't even sleep through the night! I had been released from the Healers' Ward three days ago. My wounds hadn't completely healed but instead of stinging, the slashes on my back only itched irritatingly. The healers had used a special herb to help me sleep but ever since I had returned home I hadn't been able to make it though the night without having waking up at least twice or having another nightmare. Another nightmare about…Master Daec-Mar, about his cruel words and cackling laugh…

            I shook my head. Force, why couldn't I stop thinking about him? What was wrong with me that he dominated my thoughts? Even mediating didn't help. Nothing did. Would this torture never end? All I wanted to do was _sleep_, was that so wrong? Some Jedi I was, I couldn't calm my mind enough to _sleep_.

            "Obi-Wan, Padawan," Qui-Gon's gentle voice startled me out of my thoughts.

            I jumped slightly in bed, my heart leaping into my throat, before I managed to control my surprise. "Master," I mumbled, ashamed, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."

            "I'm not surprised. You're troubled." It was a statement, not a question.

            I sighed, almost inaudibly. Qui-Gon must have sensed my distress through our bond. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Master. Please go back to sleep, it's late." Qui-Gon had already risked his life for me, the last thing I needed to do was deprive him of sleep as well.

            "You didn't disturb me, Obi-Wan. I am your Master and it is my duty and pleasure to protect and care for you," his tone wrung of honesty and sincerity, reaching deep inside me to momentarily soothe my tumbled wash of emotions.

            I felt myself blushing at Qui-Gon's words and was grateful for the cover of darkness. "Thank you, Master, I appreciate…" my voice choked out before I could finish my sentence. My words were woefully inadequate. Qui-Gon had risked his _life_ to save me. He had struck down his own Master to protect me, his Padawan. Even though no one else wanted me, he had nearly died for me. Telling him I 'appreciated it' was almost insulting in the face of what he had been willing to do for me. I wanted to thank him, but words weren't enough to express my gratitude and I didn't know what to say. I would just have to hope he already knew.

            Qui-Gon's footsteps were silent as he approached me and I didn't realize he had moved until I felt the bed dip in under his weight. There was a soft rustling of robes as Qui-Gon gathered his clothes about himself. "Obi-Wan," I started when I felt a gentle hand cup my cheek, "sometimes you don't have to _say_ anything."

            'But I want to' I protested silently, but the words never made it past my lips. Qui-Gon must have read my thoughts through our bond. He wanted to tell me that I didn't need to thank him for what he'd done, but I wanted to. I needed to, but I couldn't. Maybe, someday, after I'd gotten over all this, I could give Qui-Gon the thanks he deserved.

            "You've been having trouble sleeping these past few nights," again, it was statement.

            "Yes," I agreed, placing my hand over his.

            "I could help you sleep and find pleasant dreams if you like, my Padawan," he offered, stroking my hair softly with his free hand.

            I smiled sadly, grateful for the offer. "Thank you, Master, but no." It was a foolish wish, but I wanted to overcome this without Qui-Gon's sleep suggestion. 

            I half expected Qui-Gon to force me to go back to sleep, as he had in the hospital the first night that I had regained consciousness, but instead he accepted my decision. "Would you prefer to talk then, Obi-Wan?"

            I shuddered involuntarily. I wasn't ready to talk about what had just happened with Master Daec-Mar. I needed time to think and to process it all. "About what?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

            Qui-Gon's response surprised me, "About what ever you want, Obi-Wan. About when you were eleven, about now, or about something else, I'll listen all the same."

            Tears came to my eyes unbidden at the caring that shown through my Master's voice. I was touched by how deeply he worried for me. Unlike what Master Daec-Mar had said, he truly cared and worried for me. 

            I wanted to talk to Qui-Gon, but I wasn't sure if I could. The memories were still too painful to even think about. I knew that Qui-Gon would understand, but I didn't want to disappoint him. He said I could talk about anything…perhaps just knowing he was here with me would help. I would talk for as long as I could.

            "A-after I came back to the Temple and…he was sent to Perelious Prime, I had a lot of…horrible nightmares about him," I started slowly, a pain settling in my heart as fear bloomed inside of me, "I…u-used to dream that he'd escape from…prison and come after me. In my dream I would be asleep…and when I'd wake up…he'd be in my room…laughing at me, telling me no one wanted me. I'd wake up screaming sometimes…" I choked on the words, swallowing down a lump in my throat. "I'd wake up…so afraid, but no one would be there…I would always be alone…I-I'm glad that you're here, Qui-Gon…" Tears drowned out anything else I had hoped to say. They were tears of fear and pain, but they were also of relief and joy. It felt so good to know that someone was here for me, when before I had always been alone. I was crying both for what had happened, and out of gratitude that I had a Master that cared so much about me, even though he sometimes didn't know how to express it.

            Qui-Gon leaned forward on my bed just as gentle arms reached out to enfold my body and I let myself fall into them without so much as a single protest. My Master held me tightly, drawing me close to him and slowly swaying us back and forth in a comforting rhythm. Nestling deep into Qui-Gon's form I wrapped my arms around him to hug him back with all my strength. 

            "I _am_ here for you, Obi-Wan. Don't forget that. I'll always be with you, if not in form then in spirit. You won't ever be alone again, I promise," Qui-Gon spoke with such faith in his words that I couldn't help but believe him.

            "Thank you," I spoke into the folds of his tunic, still wanting to say more but settling for something I knew I could say without faltering.

            Qui-Gon rested his chin on my head and tightened his arms even further. "Let it all out," he murmured softly, "just let it all out."

            As if on cue the tears that trickled down my face turned into a flood of distress. Thick drops of water formed in my eyes and flooded out from under my closed eyelids to soak the soft cloth of Qui-Gon's tunic. My shoulders shook from the silent sobs that wracked my body and after a few moments I could feel a cold wetness pressing against my face as my tears thoroughly drenched my Master's night clothes. 

            I knew I was acting un-Jedi-like but I couldn't help it. I needed the release too badly. I was ashamed of my tears, of my weakness, but I couldn't stop. All the other times that I had awoken from terrible nightmares, sometimes screaming, no one had come to hold me, or even to comfort me, and I found the temptation too great to resist. 

            For what was probably only a few minutes, but to me felt more like hours, Qui-Gon just sat there and held me. He didn't speak words of reassurance as I poured out all the pain and fear in my heart, but he didn't have to. His simple presence was enough for me. Just by being with me he gave me a greater gift than any words could have. 

            Even after my flood of tears had run their course and I was left with nothing more but soft hiccups in their place, he didn't draw back. He just held me. It was so simple an act and yet it meant more to me than anything else anyone had ever done for me. 

            Once my wave of distress passed and the tremors that shook my body stilled, I was left calmly and securely nestled in Qui-Gon's arms. My face was pressed tightly against his thoroughly tear-soaked tunic but oddly I didn't have trouble breathing. By pressing my ear against his chest I could hear his heart; strong and steady as it beat. Even it was comforting to me. 

            "I promise that I won't let you down, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon finally spoke, still not making any move to release me.

            I breathed deeply, letting myself feel nothing but the comfort of being held this way, "I know you won't," I said, my voice thick and hoarse.

            "Do you want to go back to sleep?" he asked gently.

            I sniffled softly. I _wanted_ to go back to sleep, but I was scared. As embarrassing as it was, I was scared of the dreams I knew would come as soon as I closed my eyes and let sleep claim me. "Master," I started, but then hesitated, too ashamed to ask.

            "What is it Obi-Wan? Don't be embarrassed."

            "I-I…" I didn't want to admit that I was afraid to go to sleep alone but… "W-will you stay with me…Master? And hold me?"

            I sensed rather than saw the gentle smile that covered Qui-Gon's face, "Of course I will, Obi-Wan, for as long as you want, I will."

            "Thank you," I managed to say.

            Qui-Gon didn't answer right away, but when he did his voice held a fierce note that I had rarely ever heard in it before, "It _will_ be all right, Obi-Wan. Do you believe me when I say it will be all right?"

            "Yes, I believe in you, Qui-Gon," I answered without hesitation, knowing that with Qui-Gon everything _would_ be all right.

            ~~~~~~~~~~

Journal Entry; May 8th, 2300 Hours

            _Two months have passed since Master Daec-Mar's death and Qui-Gon and I spent the entire time meditating and rebuilding our bond. After many long discussions and heart-felt confessions, I truly feel that I have healed from what the dark Jedi did to me. I no longer need Qui-Gon's constant approval to feel pride in myself. Even though I suspect I will always find it comforting to huddle close to his protective body, I don't need that comfort anymore. Qui-Gon has shown me the worth inside my soul and I have learned to embrace who I am. I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be, but I am the best that I can be. It doesn't matter what others think of me as long as I know my own skills and weaknesses and accept the qualities that make me who I am._

_It hasn't been an easy path to travel and Qui-Gon and I had our skirmishes along the way. After a few weeks of excessive coddling my Master became a very strict and demanding teacher. Everyday he would insist that I meditate on one of my most unpleasant memories regarding Master Daec-Mar and then come to peace with the fact that it happened. As I once told him, he told me that there is nothing I can do to change the past and that I have to accept it and move on._

_Many days he has forced me to think about things that I would rather forget. Once I was so terrified of the memories he was making me remember that I lashed out at him. I accused him of not understanding what it felt like to have my self-confidence ripped from me, to not be wanted by any of the Jedi Masters who had come in search of Padawans. I told him that no one had ever forced him to talk about Xanatos and that he was being unfair and hypocritical. Qui-Gon softly responded that he wasn't forcing me to talk about what happened to me, he said that he was just not letting me run from the memories, like he had with Xanatos. He said that when he forced me to meditate on what happened he was forcing me to accept the past and move on. He assured me that he had never once intruded on my privacy._

_Far from calming me down, this had only served to anger me even further. His complete calmness in contrast to my loss of control annoyed me greatly. I told him that I wasn't ready to remember these things and that he should understand because he hadn't been ready to think about Xanatos for many, many years. Again, Qui-Gon's words heightened my anger. He said that the reason he was lost for so many years was because he ran from the memories that frightened him; he refused to let me do the same thing. I can't remember exactly what I said to him but I continued to accuse him of not understanding my feelings until my voice gave out and the anger fled my body as quickly as it had entered it. _

_Finally, after listening to my angry torrent of words, Qui-Gon calmly said words that I will never forget. "You were never unwanted by Jedi Masters, Padawan; destiny was just ensuring that we came together as we were meant to. I am sorry that it was so hard for you but I am forever grateful that you waited for me. I would never trade your place in my life for anything in the entire universe. I know you think I am being unfair but I am doing this because I care for you and I don't want to see this become to you what Xanatos became to me. I am not forcing you to talk about what happened when you're not ready to. I'm forcing you to face the memories because I don't want you to bury them. Running from the pain won't make it go away; it'll just make it worse. I know; that's what I did with Xanatos, until you came along and changed everything."_

_At first I was so shocked by his words that I just stared at him, unable to formulate any response. A few moments past in complete silence before I realized what I had done. The guilt cascaded over me like rough waves over a sandy beach. Qui-Gon was the man who had devoted every minute of every day to helping me recover from my ordeal and rebuild my self-confidence and instead of thanking him for everything I had vented my anger and frustration on him. I started to cry then. I couldn't help it. I babbled some nearly incoherent apology and then abruptly found myself in his arms. That was the last time I cried myself to sleep. _

_It was a turning point in my recovery. The next morning Qui-Gon and I discussed everything and I realized that he would never ask me to talk about Master Daec-Mar until I was ready but that he would also not let me bury the memories. He didn't want them to haunt me. It was the first time I thanked him, truly thanked him, for what he was doing for me. Something about my outburst made me realize that I let Master Daec-Mar manipulate me and strip my confidence away. After that, everything else came easily, in small but significant steps._

_Of course I still thrill at any words of approval that Qui-Gon gives me but I know that my Master is not a man prone to constant praise. He did it during and shortly after the Master Daec-Mar incident because he knew I needed to hear it, but ever since I started my road to recovery the words have been few and far between. It doesn't bother me though; instead it makes those spoken words all the more important to me. I have learned to read Qui-Gon's emotions in his face and gentle actions. The way his eyes shine after a special accomplishment or the way he touches my shoulder to complement me for a job well done, are enough for me. _

_Qui-Gon himself has changed. I think he has finally found that balance he was searching for. In his teaching he is very demanding but he is no longer cold. When I do poorly he's not disappointed, he reprimands me if I was unfocused and then suggests ways to improve. He is very tough. We cannot move on from one lesson until I have performed to the best of my abilities. However, there is another side of my Master. When I am troubled or saddened he becomes one of the most caring people you'll ever meet. He'll sit down and talk to me or just hold me, if that's what I need, for as long as I want. If it wasn't for Qui-Gon, I wouldn't have gotten my confidence back. He'll never know how much he means to me._

_Today my Master told me that I am finally ready to take on all the responsibilities of a Padawan. In other words, he thinks that I have completely recovered and am ready to begin going on missions again. I was filled with such a sense of wellbeing and confidence that I too realized that I am ready to face the galaxy again. I wanted to say so much to Qui-Gon, I wanted to thank him for helping me heal, and for understanding when I needed him to sit with me and when I just needed to be alone. I wanted to tell him how much I care for him but I couldn't find the words to say. Instead, I just hugged him and I knew that he heard all the unspoken things in my heart. _

_Yes, I will always feel happy when I hear my Master's words of praise, but I don't need them anymore. I am ready to move on. I am finally ready_.

~~~~~~~~~~

            My face was sticky with sweat and my breathing was slightly irregular but for the first time in ages I truly felt in tune with myself, and the Force. The dark black blindfold that obscured my vision and the rate that my heart was beating at did little to distract me from my objective. 

            My senses were attuned to everything around me. I could hear the light humming of my 'saber and feel the Force buzzing around me. Not only could I sense where the five small probes were located, but I could practically _see_ them hovering in front and to the sides of me.

            One of the probes let out a small burst of blaster fire at me while two of the others circled around to my sides and fired simultaneously. Effortlessly I brought my 'saber out to deflect the first probe's fire and then blocked the fire of the other two probes by zigzagging my 'saber from side to side. 

            My weapon hummed and buzzed loudly as it hit the blaster fire and sent off waves of heat to cascade over my body. More sweat poured from my forehead to drench my blindfold but I ignored my physical discomfort, as I had been taught to do.

            Sensing the probes' actions before they actually took them I leapt into the air and swerved my 'saber out in front of me to deflect the approaching blaster fire. Then I twisted to the side and blocked the fire from another one of the probes. Just before my feet hit the ground I turned my 'saber to make solid contact with yet another string of blaster fire.

            When I landed I felt the unfamiliar sensation of exultation flow through my veins. Not only was I back to performing to my usual capabilities, I was exceeding them! I had never done so well before. As a young initiate it had been enough for me to simply block as much blaster fire as possible but now, not only was I deflecting the blaster shots, I was dancing within the Force. My movements weren't perfect – not even another forty years of training would make them so – but they were filled with a certainly I had never felt before. I didn't _think_ I could do it – I _knew_ I could. 

            I flicked my 'saber slightly to the right and deflected another shot. When three of the five probes converged in front of me and began firing at the same time it was an easy thing indeed to let the Force guide my movements and block each and every single shot. I hadn't been hit once today and it had been at least two hours!

            I stretched out my arms, loosening my sore muscles. I was far from the point of exhaustion but my muscles were beginning to hurt slightly from the constant strain. I had never been allowed to go this long before. 

            I sensed a sudden movement to my right and immediately turned to deflect the imminent blaster fire. Just as the small probe was going to shoot I heard a loud click and then a metallic clattering as the probes deactivated and fell to the floor. The session was over.

            Gentle fingers untied the knot that fastened my blindfold and pulled it away from my face. I had to blink rapidly until my eyes became accustomed to the sudden waves of light but as soon as my vision cleared I saw my Master's supportive face.

            Qui-Gon smiled broadly and his eyes twinkled with joy. I felt him place a gentle hand on my shoulder and squeeze it lightly. No words were spoken between us and I didn't need them. I didn't need for him to tell me he was proud of me or that I had done well, I already knew that. I could feel his warmth through our bond and it was enough for me.

THE END

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